Do I have any right to be this ticked off?

First answer, Yes. Of course you have a right to be as ticked off as you want to be. I firmly believe that however ticked off something makes you is exactly how ticked off you have a right to be. :) No one gets to tell you how to feel.

Second answer: Do what you want. You are too old for your parents to try to micromanage your life. Whether you live with them or not, they have to realize that they raised you, should have a pretty good grasp of who you are and what sort of character you have and now let you live your life, using the tools and judgment that they helped give you.

I’d just unfollow this person for a little while, show the parents the proof, and go back to following the person (if you really care to). You’re 21, you should be able to do whatever the hell you want. But if your parents are being whiny about it, I’d just do what they want and then turn around and do it. Parents can get very micro-managing. I hate it.

You have every right to be as ticked off as you want to be.

OTHO, your parents have the right to set down the rules in their house (regardless of whether or not you find them hypocritical and/or they tick you off).

@noelleptc Alas, it doesn’t matter how ridiculous you or I believe your parents are being. Bottom line is you live in their house, which means they get to make the rules.

I agree with @YoBob, you can be pissed and have a right to be, but they can also make the rules for their house and while you are living in their house, you have to follow them. It sucks and it stinks that they are acting like this, but it is what it is. What can they do? Depends on how big of a deal it is to them, I suppose. Worst case scenario, you could lose that roof over your head. I’ve seen parents kick adult children out for things that seemed just as trivial before.

Do you use their computer? If so, perhaps they are concerned that spam can often carry viruses? Beyond that, I can’t think of any reason for them to care. If they have a habit of randomly making up new rules, you might want to draw up some sort of rental agreement that details what is expected of you. Then they can’t change the terms whenever it suits them.

Why was your mother reading your emails?

What’s so creepy about porn? It may be stupid, it may be misogynistic, but it’s out in the open all right – quite the opposite of creepy. They’re probably against the transgendered thing.

Anyway, I would move the hell out. Adults need space and a life of their own.

You are 21, it isn’t called running away at 21 but having your own life as an adult. I would explain to them that you appreciate their concern and are very grateful for their help but that you are an adult and can make decisions about your friends for yourself. In future I would keep your emails etc closed so that they can not check them out.

So… you live at home with your parents, right? If it were me in your shoes, it would boil down to one question: Do you pay rent and provide money for food and utilities? or do they provide you hearth and home?

If you’re paying your own way, then yes, do whatever you want. No apologies.

If you’re relying on them to provide for you, then live by their rules when in their home. You don’t have to like the rules… that’s why you’re an adult and have the option to move out.

Forget the hypocritical, judgmental, prejudicial opinions you perceive in others. They’re not really relevant here.

Do they care because the person is trans or because it’s sexually ‘inappropriate’ material to them? Shouldn’t matter either way since you’re 21 and I hate hate hate when parents pull out the ‘when you’re in my house, then xyz’. Please.

Yes – you are in their house. They have the right to not want you to leave dirty dishes in the kitchen sink, they have the right to not want your coat left on the living room floor. They do not have the right to control your e-mail, your internet surfing, your friendships or your private life at 21. I would take a stand. (And this is said from a mother’s perspective.)

You have a right to be mad but is it really worth it? Obviously your parents help you out a lot and for that you should be grateful and respectful even if they do or say something that pisses you off. Sometimes you can be right and still not be able to do/get what you want.

your parents shouldn’t be looking in your email, you’re 21. If you left it open, please use more care the next time (close it when you’re done). If it is on your own computer (not a family computer), they have no business poking in your personal stuff, no matter whose house it is.

@noelleptc, enjoy it while it lasts then. You’ve got a good thing going. Not sure why you’d want to make a pointless moral stand for your stupid Twitter follow list if it risks jeopardizing a rewarding situation for all of your family.

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I will take a step back in respect of @janbb‘s comment. As an adult, your parents should allow you more freedom in your personal life. You were just careless to leave adult-themed stuff up on a common-use PC in your parent’s home.

Still, this is exactly the reason all of us have moved away from home. It’s not surprising, nor is this circumstance special. Look at all the benefits you get right now… are you serious that you cannot capitulate this one point?

You’re an adult. I personally do not think they have any right to tell you what to do online.
How did they even find out? Are you using a “family computer”?

Yes.

*You have a right to expect your parents to model healthy adult behavior for you, especially when they are treating you like a child even when you’re an adult, and imposing their silly and inaccurate judgments based on their own morality upon you, as if it were the truth.
* And you have a right to expect your parents to accept you, even if you were interested in transgendered people.
* And even if you were to swallow all of that bullshit, you’d still have a right to expect them to get it right and see that you just like their music not their transgenderedness, and that following someone on Twitter doesn’t mean anything and it’s just DAFT to try to censor who someone follows on Twitter!

Learn the lesson and don’t do that stuff to your child. Notice how it gains them nothing except you being pissed off, rightfully contemptuous of them, and wanting to move away from them!

@noelleptc, in my opinion… not your fault or ours… the “recording artist” calls themself “Nikki Exxotica” and dresses that way specifically to evoke a sexual theme.

@noelleptc Technically, they’re being transphobic and good for you for standing up.

Okay, let me get this straight…

1. Your gay friend hangs out with the family and even joins all of you on vacation.
2. Your mom doesn’t like seeing what she perceives as sexually-themed material from some random “recording artist” on a PC that she’s known to use in her own home.

Apparently, years of #1 matter less to you than the single instance of #2… and you now think your parents are homophobic/transphobic/intolerant/hypocritical/whatever. And to show them the error of their ways, you want to follow “Nikki Exxotica” on Twitter. Quite the stand.

In my opinion, your parents are simply phobic of sexually-themed material on public display… in their home… like almost every parent that has ever lived… especially those with small children in the home. And you’re just being whiney that you’re not getting your way with the people that raised you, are helping raise your child, and are providing you with home, food, and education. They are responsible for your livelihood right now. It’s a heavy burden.

You’re an adult. Act like one and get over this. Swallow your meaningless pride and your supposed righteous indignation at your parents’ shortcomings. You’re in no position to judge them either. Finally, do what you want on your laptop and keep it private.

@noelleptc No they are setting a double standard. You certainly have a right to read, listen to and follow anyone you want on your computer.

Just go take out the trash and vent by tidying up a bit and they forget about being hypocritical or they won’t, because they’re set in their ways

I don’t see their dislike of this one person as being homophobic/transphobic either. They are concerned about what they saw and expressed their concern. Perhaps they could have done it differently and just talked to you about it, but they did it in their way. You can be upset that they looked at your stuff and that they don’t want you to follow this person anymore, but I don’t see how this one incident (especially considering the past you’ve mentioned with your friend) suddenly makes them homophobic/transphobic.

@SpatzieLover – In my house I can have as many different standards as I like. If a guest in my house doesn’t like it, they can leave.

@gmander I’m a Catholic stay at home mom. IMO, the parents are not realizing their daughter is an adult.

It’s difficult for an adult to live with parents and it sounds like a relative non-issue is blooming into a problem because it’s masking some deeper unresolved issues you may be having. Maybe you can all find a calm time (with your legal glass of white wine) to sit and discuss your expectations of privacy and their expectations of you.

@noelleptc, hey you came here asking the question. Were you being dishonest in phrasing the question to invite answers in contradiction to your preferences?

I can only answer based on what you’ve told us all so far. I haven’t seen the picture of Nicki Exxotica you mention… but you did say it was “bra and panties”... which can be literally anything. Now you’re suggesting “bikini” instead. Which is it?

And pardon me for presuming that some scantily-clad, posing-as-female, spam email exhorting some scheme to “make more money” is something your parents don’t want to you to see. I never said it was porn… but I can certainly understand why your parents might jump to that conclusion. 87 trillion pieces of other spam mail to date would make that a safe guess.

Finally, I’m not defending your dad. I could care less. He’s not the one here complaining. If he did, I’d likely give him very similar advice along the same lines.

Do what you want. You are an adult. But that doesn’t mean you are exempt from the consequences of your choice. You are lucky right now in that you get to be immune to most of the full impact of many consequences. You have the option to continue living at home and benefiting from your parents’ generosity. Coming here to complain about that is about as childish a thing as I can imagine. I’m glad you still can.

Most likely, your friend on Twitter got a virus that sends out porn spam. If your parents are halfway reasonable, they’ll also realize that’s what happened and that your friend is innocent.

Yes, you have a right to be ticked off. As others have pointed out, you should’ve tried a little harder to keep your e-mail private, but they are treating you like a child, and unfairly, I believe. You’re a parent yourself, and if you can make responsible decisons for a child of your own, then you’re capable of managing your own social life (including whom to follow on Twitter).

Unfortunately, however right or wrong you may be, I don’t see your parents being more flexible on this issue. It sounds like you tried to have a reasonable conversation with them, but they’re obviously not willing to listen. Have you made any future plans to move out? Theoretically, you could get a job (if you don’t already have one) and save up to move in with a roommate. If you’re not able to move out any time soon, I agree with just keeping your e-mail and Twitter to yourself if all possible.

I haven’t read the other posts and this may be an unpopular opinion but It needs to be said. (I am hoping I won’t be the first.)
It doesn’t matter how old you are, while he pays the bills he gets to make the rules. If you don’t like it, get a job, move out, tweet with pornstars and drug adicts or whoever you want. Just do it IN YOUR OWN HOUSE.
My kids always knew, “my house, my rules.” I go to bed earlier durring the week and I don’t want to hear the beep beep of the alarm at 11:30, so if you want to live in my house, we are in at 9:00.
If he wants to say “Saturday is purple day, and in this house everyone wears purple on Saturday” he has every right to do so. If you don’t like it, “There’s the door.”

I understand why you are ticked. Maybe your parents are just getting a creepy vibe from this person due to the spam. If you unfollow him you make you parents feel like they have more authority and they may do it again for others they don’t want you following. If you resist you show your parents that they don’t have as much control over every aspect of your life as they would like and they may not be so authoritive. On the downside, if you resist you may cause yourself a huge heartache over something trivial. You are in a tough situation.

You should find as many transgendered artists you can find on twitter and follow all of them….sure it’s immature but it’s a huge “fuck you” statement to your parents.

If you can’t move out yet, at least buy your own computer and put a password on it. Laptops don’t cost that much these days.

@noelleptc, But you’re 21. You chose to give up some liberty for the comfort of a stable home. It’s a matter of choices. Many people get by on their own, even with a child without the support of a loving family. They worry if there will be enough money for the power bill, get foodstamps and maybe subsidized childcare and/or housing. You had choices, but everything costs something.
I was a single mom at 19 too.

Me!

@noelleptc my mom asks, “Why, aren’t you happy here?” It’s not that simple.

That actually, I find more troubling than the original situation. Is she worried she’ll never see you or her grandchild if you move out?

There’s a big difference between a parental house rule like “We’d prefer you don’t open things that look like porn/spam on a shared computer” and “You shouldn’t be friends with that sort of person”
One is a reasonable request, the other verges on “thought policing”

@noelleptc what if you were a lesbian? Would they be singing the same tune? That is something most parents do not think about when they say something like that.

Here are some transgender twitter users

Making out with another girl while drunk is like a rite of passage.

@noelleptc;
You can’t change them. If you can’t handle it for the duration then leave.
What I would do, (Based on what you have said.) Is get a plan to move. One you are willing to follow through on. When you present it to your parents and say, “We are moving out,” your mom will probably go a little nuts. At that point you tell them in a prepared mature way why. (Be prepared. You need to show that YOU are the adult while mom is out of control.)
When mom starts begging you to stay, say “I would love to mom, but I we would need to agree upon some boundries.”
Then list the things that you need in order to be happy and feel like you are being treated like an adult. If you are reasonable and in control you might be surprised that they agree.
Be prepared to hear the boundries THEY may want to set down too. This is a negotiation.
If you want any power in the situation, you have to be prepared to actually leave.

Don’t take this the wrong way, I’m not trying to be rude, but are you sure you should raise a child around these people?

Maybe my child is just entirely too perceptive or influential, he thinks anything nana says is just like the word of god, it’s really fucking annoying.

He’s 5 years old now, but a he told me one time that if there is a demon in me, I should tell him so he can pray for me, because that’s probably why I don’t cup my hand when I spank him. (so it doesn’t hurt at all and only sounds scary…idk)...it’s not like I’ve ever even really spanked him, just a rare swat, because the kid is a natural born anarchist and parents are his government. He would make a great lawyer or politician, he can argue with the best of em.

I’ve read all the answers. Are you happy living with them? is this a small issue to you or the tip of an iceberg? They sound like absolutely awesome grandparents and obviously love you to bits with all the support they give you, but you’re also going to be living the life of a 16 year old until you do have lots and lots of money saved up to help yourself. Not just help yourself enough to move out, but to be fully self-supported. Looks like a long journey for you but you’ve got too much good stuff going for you right now to throw it out over a twitter friendship.

Where is the dad in this? Could he help you move out?

@noelleptc Check out this website for trans artists.

What value does Nikki Exxotica add to your life? If you can cite something positive and concrete, continue to follow her. If you can’t come up with something definitive, unfollow her until you can. Either way, tell her you don’t appreciate being spammed.

You have every right to be upset but you should be upset with the person that sent you the spam email. I also agree with you that your dad seems to have one standard for you and one for himself. But while you are living in their house completely or even partially at their expense you do owe it to them to respect their wishes even when they don’t seem fair to you. Since you are 21 you can always move out and then you can live your life your way instead of theirs.

@noelleptc I meant your daughter’s dad.

I don’t agree that “my way or the highway” is the correct way to parent an adult.

@noelleptc fair enough. i was just curious. have you asked your parents about your friends homosexuality. actually confronted it? Homophobia is really a big issue.

Just try to make nice. Drop the subject. But you don’t have to unfollow anyone.

You’re 21 and your parents are all up in your email and Twitter? Even in my parents’ house they respected my privacy and at that age I was grown so they wouldn’t dare. I’d be very mad – like Hulk smash mad yo