How do I resolve this issue in the relationship?
I started dating this guy 3 months ago, and somethings about him seemed kind of off. When we first went on a date he failed to tell me that he just got divorced, and that he was unemployed. This didn’t bother me much because I liked certain things about him, after we’ve been together intimately he would mumble things under his breath like “fat”, “ugly”, and “you are gay” The weird thing about it is that he would tell me that I’m beautiful and pretty. It confused the hell out of me so I summoned up the courage to ask him why he said those things; he pretty much said that he never ever said those things because he doesn’t think them. On top of that he has roommates who say similar things about me when I am there, and when I bought it up he said that “they don’t discuss you” I warned him that if he ever did it again I will slap him then dump him. Now Just the other day out of nowhere he tells me “You have to work on your self-esteem, and find a job. But I need sometime to think about this so I will call you in 2 weeks” When I asked him if this was a break he said “At the moment we can call it that” And I’m fine with knowing that we are not to see other people and we are not to speak to one another during this break. So will this time apart help us figure things out?
Observing members:
0
Composing members:
0
20 Answers
I hope that you figure out that this guy is a jerk and not bother with him anymore.
You can do much better than him.There are alot of nice guys out there to date.:)
He either has mental health issues (and so do his friends) or you do and you are hearing things OR (and I suspect this is most likely) he is just an unpleasant person and he is yanking your chain. Why are you bothering! Don’t figure things out. If he treats you this way now, things aren’t going to get better. Dump him and set some limits for yourself about what is unacceptable behaviour towards you. If someone breaches those limits, don’t put up with it.
Honey, you’re being used. RUN!
I’m pretty sure I’m not hearing things, nor did I ever. He has told me on many occasions that if he sees a psychologist they would commit him. I’ve even seens his mouth move when he’s said it!
This doesn’t sound right. The first thing that sprung into my mind is tourettes. But it would be weird if they all had tourettes. It seems really unlikely that everyone would say these things about you. Why would they do it? He’s dating you because he likes you, presumably, not because he wants to make you feel bad.
Do you want to go back to him? Do you like him? How have past relationships worked out for you?
If he does have Tourettes, then he’s not aware of what he’s saying. People with Tourettes usually say really nasty things but they don’t mean any of it. He might think he’d be committed, but clearly he has no idea how the mental health system works. They do not commit people who are capable of caring for themselves and aren’t an immediate danger to themselves or anyone else.
I don’t know. It feels like there’s a lot more to this story than you’ve said. I’d rather know more before saying anything else.
This is definitely a bit weird. I hear alarm bells going off. He calls it a break, if I were you I would call it a permanent break.
@wundayatta I’ve always thought that people with tourettes, just yell different things at random not mumble them. He does know that he is supposed to be on adderal for ADHD but I don’t think those two go hand in hand, plus he has abused adderal in the past. I’m not sure of why his roommates would do it, I’ve never had a problem with them ever so I’m just assuming their saying it to be mean. I really do like him, but since we spoke about it after that I just questioned if the feelings he had/has are genuine, and I would want to go back but I would definitely set boundaries before we decided to go further. Past relationships for me ended badly…it just pissed me off because he made it seem like it was all of my fault when I know for sure that he said these things!! Then he had the nerve to tell me that “My insecurities are self manifesting” which I know isn’t true those words came out of his mouth!
@missxamanda Welcome to Fluther. I only wish you were coming here under happier circumstances.
This guy has some serious emotional problems he is unable or unwilling to confront. If and when he calls, break it off gently. Tell him you are taking his advice and going to work on your self esteem and employment before further emotional involvement with anyone. Don’t antagonize him, because someone that emotionally dishonest with himself and others might be trouble. But he’s trouble. Get off the train at this station, before the obvious train wreck that’s coming
What’s to figure out?
The guy’s a jerk.
It’s unlikely he’ll change anytime in the near future.
It’s probably more likely the situation will get worse.
Find somebody worthy of your attention.
@ETpro I think this is the most helpful answer so far, thank you. It’s not worth trying to wrap my head around…he had nerve.
Lets face it, he made it to bed with you and that was his intentions from the beginning. Just another knotch on his gunbelt.
Like Lucille state, find someone else.
Morning, Lucy!!
@missxamanda;
He’s using you for a free piece of ass but he really has no respect for you.
Dump him then say you gave him the clap…only do this if you can hide from him the rest of your life, otherwise just do the first part.
He said, “you have to work on your self-esteem and find a job. Then I’ll call you in two weeks.”
I swear this sounds like some comedy routine. I would have laughed then said, “no; let’s do it this way: I’ll work on my self esteem, get a job but don’t call me; I’ll call YOU in nine years.”
@Aster Haha this is true but he will not get the last word, I’m gonna give him his 2 weeks but he’s in for a surprise.
DUMP THIS GUY NOW AND RUN! He’s got some kind of issues and he’s making you feel like sh*t for no apparent reason. He sounds like a manipulative douche-bag. Try to see this now, before you get hurt in the long run.
Curious, why would you think that this guy (and this kind of crap) would be worth holding onto?
“He has told me on many occasions that if he sees a psychologist they would commit him. I’ve even seens his mouth move when he’s said it!” – wow, he sounds like a really charming psycho. Why are you bothering again?
Answer this question 
This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.
Composing members:
0
