Is trying to get your partner to be better in bed "changing them"?

No. It’s a good thing. He needs to be encouraged to explore and you should try to make him feel comfortable doing it. Make sure you’re nice (aka not condescending) about it.

@SamIAm So how do I make sure I’m not too harsh or condescending?

That’s not a bad sort of changing at all. You want to make it positive and fun when you’re both relaxed by guiding him or saying “You know what I’d really like?...”
Never be critical or negative about what he’s doing but give him feedback when he gets it right.

You have the owner’s manual for your body; you want to teach him how to read it. And do him the same favor. ;)

I think trying to change someone would involve trying to change someone’s personality, habits or values- big, fundamental things like that. Communicating is different- the intent is to improve and strengthen the bond. Yes, the status quo will be changed, but if it’s made better, why the heck not?

Yes, it is changing them, but no it isn’t, because you can’t change him. Go find someone who does what you like from the get go.

If you want him to feel the groove but telling him is not getting it, trick him. Make a game of it, get a good porno not one too sleazy and suggest you two act out all the action on the screen as it is happening, the on screen talent does this, you do that too, they change positions, you two change to that position. Maybe some of it will rub off on him.

Or get one of those positions manuals and try 3 different ones each time with one oral position the book as.

To make him better in bed is not changing him if you are enhancing what he already is doing. Changing him would be getting him into B&D when he wasn’t doing it or don’t care for it, or having him wear drag to act out a fantasy of yours.

Does he want to be better in bed? That’s the first question to have answered. If the answer is yes, then you’re a tutor. If the answer is no, you are sexually incompatible, and may need to move on.

If you don’t want to be too harsh or condescending, then consider giving him pointers or helping him grow in the area of the bedroom as something that you would do with love.

Get him some books to read: on foreplay, or being a good lover or pleasing a woman (whatever is appropriate).

Suggest mutual fantasy stories where you two act out roles.

Have cuddle or petting sessions that specifically don’t lead to sex (just for practice).

Good luck. Look at this as a fun challenge.

I see nothing wrong with trying to show him a thing or two.That could be alot of fun.
Whether or not he is a good student is another story.

First, I would avoid the word “better,” since that implies a “worse.” Your goal is not to turn him into American Gigolo but someone who pleases you more in bed.

A light-hearted conversation is a good starter (I would avoid tricks, porn or manuals initially).

Ask him if he wants to learn some variety that would make you happy and also some variety that he might want but is too wary to ask.

Those of us with some experience can testify that lovers come with techniques that pleased other partners but that make us just say, “No, thanks.”

And of course, there are some universal behaviors that most women love.

Every pair of lovers is unaware of what pleases the other at the beginning. Yes, people have a repertoire of “moves” that they may try out, but even the most practiced lover will not know all your buttons at the beginning.

You don’t have to “train” anyone really. All you have to do is ask for what you want. “Ooh, kiss me on my neck.” “Kiss my ear.” “Slower.” “Here’s my clit, could you use your finger like this?” “Whatever you do, don’t kiss my clit,” said in a very playful manner.”

And then when you do things to him, “do you like this?” “How does this feel?” “How about here?”

Tease him. Lead him on and slow him down. Make him want you badly and then use that to channel his energy to where you want it.

As long as he doesn’t freak out at these requests, you should be able to get what you want out of intimacy. If he does freak out, that means he doesn’t want to listen and he isn’t sensitive. That probably means he isn’t much of a listener anywhere and would make me wonder if I really wanted to be involved with him.

I don’t get the whole change thing people talk about as if change in people involved with others is always involuntary. We change all the time to be better people for those we love and to be better together. It’s called evolution.

I do not think it is changing a person in that vain of the word.
It is learning and learning is a good thing.
As always:
Practice, Practice, Practice!!!

I don’t think it’s changing them so much as discovering alongside them. It should be fun, thrilling and with a lot of communication going on about what works… and what doesn’t.