What would you do if you lived near a registered sex offender.

This question comes up a lot on Fluther. I probably do live next to a sex offender. I would do nothing special about it. I always teach my children safety around adults and others, regardless. I would not move.

I’d wait until she was a little older to let her go on her own. Since he did commit a sexual crime to a younger child, I would be a little concerned. I live near a few sex offenders and it doesn’t really bother me. But you know if the crime was committed against a young child, that individual may still have a problem with sexual thoughts against children.

Tell your daughter to cycle carefully and stick to the roads where she can be seen and let her know that there is a guy who is a bit weird that lives there. Forewarned is forearmed. It’s the ones you don’t know about that are a bigger danger. Does she have a phone?

Would you be comfortable with her going to her practices alone if this guy did not live at the halfway point? If you would be comfortable with her doing this, I say let her give it a try. If you aren’t comfortable with it yet (regardless of this guy), talk to her about it. Maybe you could get her to ride to and from with a friend (if there’s one that lives nearby). That way she’s not exactly alone, but she gets a bit of her independence as well.

I get your concern, but honestly, what’s to say someone worse isn’t lurking at the playground/field, watching the kids already? I’m not saying that to freak you out more, it’s just the way it is. The best thing we can do is teach our children safety measures for all situations.

Wow. I live near hundreds of sex offenders. It’s not something you can worry about. You have to teach your kids the normal safety rules then trust they will do the correct thing. If you don’t trust her, don’t let her go alone.

You never really know what the offense means for sure. That “Aggravated Felonious Sexual Assault (Victim under 13 y.o.)” does not clarify the level of danger at all. Have there been any other convictions? What was his relationship to the victim? When was this done? How old is the offender? Depending on the answers to these and other questions, your feelings about the danger level may rise or fall.

But seriously, I would not worry about her safety in terms of his activities if she understands basic stranger danger rules.

@flutherother A phone is certainly in the mix and would be the checkpoint of getting there or leaving or other unforeseen event. Yes, I have taught her safety around others.
I know I may be over worrying or feeling a need to over protect on this.

I think it’s normal to be concerned and protective. My sister is right around your daughter’s age and I completely understand. I won’t let her get a FB account or anything online until she’s older because of all the weirdos online.

If it were my sister, I would explain in age-appropriate terms.. whether it’s ‘make sure you don’t stop for any grown-ups’ or as @flutherother said, tell her there’s a weird guy on the route. If she’s responsible, then she should get it and I think all will be fine. I was a very responsible kid and I took adults’ warnings seriously, at least about dangerous things.

Scary. I don’t know what I’d do. But if you decide to let her bike it – follow her the first few times (without her knowing) – even then – I’m not sure what I’d do.

@blueiiznh To answer your question, though I don’t know the route your daughter will take (like how well it is observed) I would let her go by bicycle. Kids love being trusted and having that little bit of independence. It would be great if there were other girls she could cycle with and not just from the safety point of view.

I wouldn’t do anything, but your story is different. The answers above are pretty thorough, though.

@wundayatta unknown relationship to victims, 1997 and 2007 offenses, He is 52 now.
@seazen_ I did let her go yesterday when she asked and did follow after conveniently with a forgotten water bottle as my excuse if she asked.
@flutherother there are no other girls en route

You probably do. Just type your zip code here and get the depressing results.

Or type in your address here for a map of where they live and type of offense

Ok, admittedly, I’m not a parent. But, there’s scary shit out there, and you can’t protect her from everything, even if you put her in a bubble and keep her at home. There’s one registered sex offender, but there’s probably more that haven’t been caught, or haven’t registered, or who aren’t sex offenders but are still people she should stay away from. Now is one of those moments when you just have to teach her as best you can to take precautions, and then take a leap of faith that everything will be ok.

Make her aware of this situation and encourage her to tell you if ANY ‘funny stuff’ occurs. Such as being approached, waved at, if she notices this person in their yard a lot, etc.

I’d let her have a trial run, so to speak, a few expeditions on her own, with the understanding she share anything that seems unusual with you.

You do not have to scare her, but make her aware of this persons home, and that he is an unwell person that she should NEVER allow to attempt ANY contact with.

Does she have a cell phone that gets reception during her ride route?

I have an elderly sex offender that was convicted of raping a teenage girl in my area about 15 years ago. He lives, ‘as the crow flies’ about 2 miles from me, but I have never had occasion to be concerned. Of course my child is grown now and a pedophile that likes kids is not going to be interested in a strong and aware adult woman. lol

Tough call, but, baby bird needs to test her wings and papa bird needs to hover, but not too much. Good luck!

My thought is she needs to be aware there are bad people out there in general. I have people where I live say it is safe here. Well, all you need is one bad guy to show up one day. Nowhere is completely safe. If there was not a registered sex offender living near you would you really just think my 10 year old does not have to worry about anything, she is safe? By 10 I knew not to go with strangers. Not to trust anyone I did not know, including those who knew my name (I was not allowed to wear my name on my person at all). Not to open the door for someone or tell them my parents are not home (my preteen niece recently opened the door for a neighbor they don’t know and said she was the only one home, the neighbor told her stepfather the next time he saw him).

I would talk to her about sexual crimes, teach her to say no and run away (many girls grow up with the message that is impolite to say no), and show her the guy’s picture… if I thought she could handle it. If I didn’t think she could handle it, she would not be riding her bike by herself.

P.S. I don’t teach “stranger danger”. People you know might be more of a risk because you have some level of trust and let your guard down.

I would have a talk with my daughter and tell her about the registered sex offender and show her where he lives.

I would tell her under no circumstances to allow herself to be approached by a strange adult. If someone attempted to come up to her to ride away quickly. Talk to her about going into stores for help if necessary.

Giver her a cell phone (perhaps with a GPS locator).

It is very hard when our children start to want increasing levels of independence. I understand your concern and would be worried myself but I think as suggested here, you have to trust her to follow the advice and guidance you have undoubtedly given her. Reinforce all the ‘stranger danger’ advice you have given her over the years, make sure she understands the importance of phoning you when she arrives and just before she leaves. You have told her about this guy, she knows to stay away. As as has been mentioned, you know where this guy is, there are plenty we don’t know about but at some point, we have to let our children grow and learn to be independent. Deep breath… hugs… let her take these next steps to independence…

I would make sure that her bike is equipped with a very loud bike horn. That way if anyone tries to approach her, she will have a way to make a lot of noise.

Pretty much any zipcode search will give you names, profile and location of registered sex offenders. I like to know how many are in the area I plan to live in so I can keep my eyes open and be on my toes not to take foolish chances when alone.

If I had children then this would be a major concern for me in choosing where to live, how my kid/s play in the neighborhood, how they get to and from school, they layout of our home, protection drills, oh my goodness- so many things.

I’m very extremist in believing rapists and child molesters should be put to death.

By the way stranger to children can mean scary looking person. Lots of strangers look very nice. Be clear strangers are people she doesn’t know. And, to @Cupcake point she need to know she can tell you any time anyone makes her uncomfortable or hurts her, that they cannot hurt you its a lie.

@wundayatta: For the record, you are not given a sex offender label and made to register unless you are convicted of the crime.

I did some quick googling (I’m guessing the OP lives in NH – I could be wrong but I’ve found this is similar to a similarly named charge in my state of Virginia) and it’s not a nice charge – you can read the details here, a lot of it is dependent on the relationship the perp has to the child but a LOT of it is relatively violent.

IMO, she should be told NEVER to ride on the side with his house, only in daylight and only after she turns 14. And I would not simply tell her he is ‘weird’. I may not give all the details, but I’d certainly put some fear in her. Kids like to push boundaries with friends, or on their own. A lot of my friends messed with a lot of ‘weird’ peoples houses as a kid just because we were told to stay away.

Yes, @asmonet. And that crime could be indecent exposure as you are trying to pee one night in the alley next to the bar you’ve been in. An indecent exposure conviction makes you a sex offender. The vast majority of “sex offenders” haven’t done things remotely related to sex, I believe. At least, that’s what my criminologist friend told me. Most of them are things like statutory rape and indecent exposure and whatnot.

You should take a look at the sex offender list in my area. There are hundreds of them within one mile of where I live. It’s ridiculous. I don’t know how @blueiiznh found out what this offenders crime was. Maybe some registrations contain more information than others.

I just don’t think the registration of sex offenders provides any additional protection against their depredations. What we need are regular safety procedures. We need good judgment. These lists, I think, are unhelpful at best, and quite possibly dangerous at worst. They raise the level of fear to unmanageable levels.

I don’t think this offender is worthy of this discussion. I know that sounds like I’m being foolish, I suppose, but I really think the danger is blown up far out of proportion.

@wundayatta No, I agree. There are, well, not hundreds, but maybe 15 registered sex offenders (and many, many more assailants/rapists/molesters that haven’t been charged/convicted/registered) within a mile of me. It’s one of the downsides of living around people: You live around, well, people, who tend to be flawed. But I don’t handle it by moving further away from them.

@MyNewtBoobs If you live around people, there are probably more than 15 registered offenders around you. I live in a rural area and there are 50-something near me. I know several of them personally. I just avoid them when I can. When I can’t, I treat them civilly and leave their company when I can. And if I had kids, I’d teach them safety around anyone they don’t know.

@MacBean or do know even. Most children are abused by people they know sadly.

Ten and one-half is too young. Period.

@Mz_Lizzy And don’t I know it. x_x If I had kids I’d also try my best to teach them not to be afraid to tell me things. This question seemed to be dealing specifically with strangers, though, so I didn’t add that.

@MacBean regardless of who lives where or what or when. IMHO, .5 miles is too far for a little girl who is only 10 and a half or even 11 or 12 for that matter to go on a bike by herself. Let her explore her independence in other ways. If you are questioning it, go with your gut. Play it safe and teach her safety in another way. It just seem too young to me. But then again, I’m over protective and old (fashioned) in some ways.

@MacBean In a one-mile area.

@wundayatta: Indecent exposure can also cover flashing your dick to a first grader. Stats from your friend aren’t that reliable, and you don’t make any sense on this one. You say most sex offenders haven’t done anything related to sex (that’s ridiculous alone) and then you say most of them are statutory rape and indecent exposure – again something easily related to sex seeing as it involves showing off your private business.

So which is it? Are they sex related? Or are your examples just goofy mislabeled fun?

As for the sex offenders in your area, I have about 50 in a two mile radius, I worked with two at my last job one a convicted rapist and the other convicted of aggravated sexual battery which you should look up under virginia law – that’s a fucked up thing to do to someone.

I agree that knowing where they are does little in regards to directly preventing them from offending. However, it gives information and at least for someone like me does not increase fear but rather manages it by giving me the information I have a right to and need to know. These lists are not dangerous or unhelpful – they are crucial to our communties. Maybe you should read up on who Megan Kanka was. A little girl who was raped, beaten, strangled to death and assaulted again before being dumped. The man who did this lived with four other men – all convicted sex offenders – across the street and were not required to tell anyone where they were or what they were. The parents were not given any options to deal with that situation. Now, you can say ‘exercise caution with all unknown adults’ but when you put several sex offenders in a small area you increase your risk far more than a random sampling of unknown people. Knowing those risks are just across the street you can make informed decisions. Like getting the fuck out.

This man has been caught twice, he has almost certainly offended in some form more often than that. And this man most recently was convicted in 2007 – discussing him and his proximity to this girl is important and I absolutely believe that thinking otherwise is foolish.

@asmonet I’m with @wundayatta on this one (but possibly for slightly different reasons). It is my belief that if someone is so dangerous they can’t be trusted in public, then they shouldn’t be in public—period (I think certain sexual crimes should have a mandatory life in prison without parole sentence). As a corollary to that, there should be no need for these lists because they can cause a lot of harm. I have heard the story of a female college student who “streaked the quad” of her college campus with some friends, got caught, and now gets to register as a sexual deviant for the rest of her life. Another similar story involved a student getting busted for public urination from peeing in the woods outside a crowded party because the bathroom was packed. They charged him with indecent exposure, and now his life will never be the same.

Have you read the scarlet letter?

@gorillapaws: I agree with some of your points actually.

The system as a whole and the classifications need to be simplified and looked at with some common sense. I also think violent sex crimes should have far longer sentences and those committing them should not be given any form of early release.

There is a need for lists, I will not budge on that. I think they’re imperfect, but I do not think they do more harm then good in their current state.

If you can find me a source for those stories you mentioned, I will happily read them and determine an opinion on them. But I have never met someone who could back up those “I heard of someone…” examples.

I have however met two people who have claimed their sex offender tag was for indecent exposure, peeing at a party or out at a bar.

We all later found out they both had been convicted of rape.

We found out because of the lists that our state maintains. Yes, they notified us they were a sex offender, but they lied in a REALLY big way as to why.

And even if those stories are true, should we chuck the whole system? The same thing happens in prison. Occasionally, an innocent is convicted. But no one is rushing to shut down the prisons and stop the process. People are working for reform, ways to improve the system. I believe more people are accurately labelled than are not.

Work on the law, don’t throw away a valuable tool in protecting yourself and your family.

Boy, 17, emailed a photo of a girlfriend topless to some friends, he is now on the sex offender list, had to attend group with pediphiles and other rapists, who describe in detail how they raped young children, held a woman and forced her, stuff this young guy never would think to do or could ever imagine.

He won’t be doing that again.

Shoot, that should be 18, he was 18 still in high school. One little slip on this ipad.

Thanks to all the great discussion.
@wundayatta I completely disagree with your statement “I don’t think this offender is worthy of this discussion. I know that sounds like I’m being foolish, I suppose, but I really think the danger is blown up far out of proportion.” If I misread your statement, then I apologize.
While the registration is only a point of awareness, it does not stop offenders as in this case a second conviction shows. My information does come from a combination of State and local authority public record.
I certainly have and will continue to teach and review related safety topics with her, but I hardly can ignore this as an elevated risk. Awareness is what this is all about in mitigating the risks. Awareness as all have listed here relative to actions from friends, family, strangers, etc.
I certainly agree I am at battle with the balance of seeing her grow and soar, while making her aware of situations to pay extra attention to. This is one situation that I cannot simply ignore. It is not about proximity to where I live, but about a raised level of awareness.

I have to wonder if there is a higher incidence of sex crimes around a sex criminal compared to other places. Somehow, I doubt it.

We only have so much attention to devote to protecting our children. I would think we would want to focus that attention on areas with the highest risk. Do we know anything about this? How likely are these folks to commit a crime again? I live around hundreds of sex offenders within a mile or so. But then, our kids don’t ride on the streets alone. By the time they do that, they are already taking the subway alone. They have been taught how to watch out. I don’t have time to be with them every minute of every day.

It’s an issue of how I spend my time. It just isn’t worth looking up every sex offender within a mile’s radius. You have only one to deal with. You know who he is. I think we put too much fear in our children, but that’s what we do because we want them to be safe. I am much more concerned with attacks on the Subway than any danger from the numerous sex offenders in the area.

@blueiiznh Except, statistically, she’s not at a higher risk from this one guy. A) it’s one sex offender. Living near hundreds as @wundayatta is a higher risk, living near one is not. B) Most attacks will come from someone you know. She’s 9 times more likely to be hurt by a clergy member, a teacher, an uncle, a friend’s parent or guardian, etc than this one guy whom you’ve never met, and wouldn’t have any idea of his existence were it not for the registry. If he’s going to hurt someone again (and that’s really if he actually molested a child in the first place, which we don’t actually know simply from what the registry states), it’s probably going to be a child he already knows and who trusts him, not hiding in the bushes your daughter rides past to jump out and catch her on her way home. Those horror cases you hear about like Jaycee Lee Dugard? They’re big news because it’s so rare. Well, and because she’s white… But statistically, you really have so very little to worry about from this guy.

I would let the registered sex offender know that I know. Get his picture, show it to him. Show your daughter. Talk to her

Imagine finding out that a convicted child predator was attending your church and getting involved with kids in the church and in the community? Imagine he was Federally Convicted for child porn that was so vile, he served 4 years. Child Porn that included images of his own children. Then try to imagine that his wife, mother of his child, decided to stay with him and defends him, and even helps him to facilitate areas where children play. Such as parks, and playgrounds, ice rinks, dance recitals and more. Lets just say that she even has him and his business partner, two time convicted child molester, help her to arrange childrens events. She is the fox helping the other fox watch over the hen house. And then there is this, this all takes place in the same town where Jaycee Dugard was kidnapped. And if that is not bad enough, try being the last to know all this. Shame on South Lake Tahoe Ca and City Leaders that support this. Yes peole, it’s all true. I couldn’t make it up if I tried. Just do some research.