Opinion on this updated question?
Asked by
naresh28 (
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April 23rd, 2011
“I am very close friends with this man and his wife. If ever I am having a problem, they are there for me. we re in this group, and there is this very nice girl in the group that became my friend. She was in the group with them longer than me. She is also quit younger than me. I am approaching 40, she, late 20’s. We became like sisters, especially because we same similar illnesses, and we are both single and funny. Anyway, i have been noticing lately, that my friend (the husband), never really talks with her or does any activity with her. Its always me and the rest of us in the group that he gives attention to.I just came, and I am involved in many activities that he puts together. But I rarely ever see him interact or invite her. She’s so nice and classy girl, very kind and sweet; never had a boyfriend; not the flirt type. But, he has a very different attitude towards her, and so does she towards him. When i am with him, he never talks about her, although i talk about her a lot. Only his wife and me and the rest of the group likes her. Why is she being treated so differently by him? I rarely see then talking, and when I do they, you can cut the tension with a knife (like they want to get away from each other) They barely look at each other. He seems condescending towards her sometimes. I am not implying that he should spend time with her. All i am saying is, he treats the rest of us, including other females friends, like myself, way better than he treats her. I am asking about this because over a long period of time its becoming obvious. I did not want to make a big deal of it and ask him in case he would be uncomfortable with the subject. (He’s our group organizer) ”
UPDATE:
Yesterday the group went to an even. We all car-pooled together. My friend (young female), went into one car group, while i drove another. She did not take a ride with her aunt as usual. Anyway the older guy (my other friend), drove also. when the day was over from the even, I saw and somewhat overheard them talking. She was getting out of someone’s vehicle and heading towards the one she came in. She had to pass him by to get to it. He jump infront of her, to my surprise, and said soemthing to the effect of “your aunt left you”, in a sarcastic way. She looked irritated with him. I think she said “Well I did not come her with her”. Then she walked passed him and turn around to give him an evil eye. I was like “wow, what’s going on?”. So out of curiosity, I watched his face from a distance, he was staring at her while she walked around. He had a look of irritation and embarrassment. I knwo maybe I shoudl ask him what’s going on, but I am thinking maybe he would be ambarrassed to know that someone is noticing his behavior. And whenever she is around, he is always calling my name and telling me he has to talk to me about something. But nothing about her ever comes up.
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22 Answers
Obviously something or other has been going on with them, but is no longer. Curious as you may be, stay out of it. You’ll probably learn about it eventually, but don’t seek information. They will work it out themselves. It could be totally innocent or maybe not, but it is NOT your business. A friend doesn’t pry.
I totally agree with @Sunny2
When the time is right the truth will reveal itself.
I understand that being friends with both parties is a little awkward since there is some animosity between the two. But stay out of it.
I agree with @Sunny2 and @shego, stay out of it. At least for now. If one of them talks to you about it, then you could get involved. But don’t ask about it. They’ll tell you when they’re ready.
Talk to her and tell her that you have noticed his behaviour and what he said. You never know she may actually appreciate having someone to confide in. Do not approach him or his wife, you may start something you cannot finish.
I did comment the first time you posted this. But now I have a question for you: Why do you even care so much? I mean, it is none of your business. At first, I thought you were concerned about the cohesion —so to speak—of the group, but you don’t seem to be comfortable enough with either of the two to ask them what is going on. If you are not even close enough as for to ask, then I wonder: Why are you so concerned about the whole situation? Again, I could understand if you were close enough but it seems you are not, since you are afraid to ask either one. Remember this: If you mind your own business, you won’t be minding mine. I keep reminding that to myself all the time.
It sounds like something happened between your young female friend and the older married man. Could have been an affair, could have been that they had some type of ugly philosophical disagreement, or he could have approached her in a sexual way and she rebuffed him and that made him mad. Or it could be that he did something much worse to her. It does sound very fishy.
If this girl is your close friend, I would take her aside privately (not on a day where you 2 are part of this group) and tell her what you have noticed and let her know that you are concerned for her welfare and that you are available to talk to her about any situation that may have occurred.
She may not tell you anything. In that case, respect her privacy, but continue to pay attention to what you see and jump in, if you think something dangerous has happened or is about to happen.
If she does tell you what actually happened, and it’s something awful, you will have to be prepared to leave the group and possibly tell the authorities what has happened.
well, what has been happening lately is that she has suddenly stopped talking to me. She is totally ignoring and avoiding me. I approached her about why she is not talking to me and she just shrugged it off and said basically nothing. I asked her if was something i did, she said “wouldn’t I have told you if you did something to me?”. But still, she continues to ignore me. And his behavior has slightly changed towards me. He is stand-offish a little. Or maybe I have been asking him for help and he has gotten a little tired. I don’t know. whatever the case, i don’t feel like i am bugging either of them. But things are getting stranger.
Now it sounds like the man has spoken to your young female friend and possibly told her some untruths about you, or maybe he has told her to avoid you because he knows you have been noticing that something has been going on. I do think something fishy has gone on between them.
She may be afraid to talk to you, or she may have believed the man’s remarks about you.
Again, I would try to get together with her outside of this group environment and just let her know that you consider her to be a close friend and that you are concerned for her welfare because of what you have observed, X Y and Z. And maybe ask her if he told her not to talk to you, and why. Then just hope that she opens up to you.
My mind operates in a more simple way. If it’s too complicated and I can’t figure it out right away…I just drop it altogether…I mean, in cases like this where I don’t know what the other people are thinking.
You don’t feel like you are bugging either of them, but they are definitely acting as if you are bugging them. Better concentrate on something else. It’s out of your hands.
Perhaps your intense interest is obvious to them, and you’re coming across as a busybody, which makes them want to avoid you.
@naresh28 Didn’t you post and say that you are doing the same thing to someone else? You just said “I approached her about why she is not talking to me and she just shrugged it off and said basically nothing. I asked her if was something i did, she said “wouldn’t I have told you if you did something to me?”. But still, she continues to ignore me.”, but in another question you asked recently you said you are doing that to someone else. Which is it? Are both things going on? Perhaps they are being rude to you because you are being rude to that other person.
@Seaofclouds: hahahaha….you can’t read well. I am the one that is not talking to her and shrugged her off. Read it again.
@naresh28 You posted a question about you not talking to someone else and why she keeps trying to talk to you, but in your response up above on this question (right here in case you want a direct link to what you wrote) you said that she (same friend, different friend, I’m not sure) stopped talking to you. I read it just fine, perhaps you need to scroll up and read what you wrote for yourself. If you are indeed ignoring someone else and now this friend is ignoring you, I’m merely suggesting that perhaps they are related and trying to clarify exactly what was going on.
Wait wait wait….is this the same person who quit talking to someone and refuses to tell her why? In this post you said you’re pushing 40…wow. I thought you were one of the random middle school kids who wander in here now and then blathering about their BFF and GFF and BF and BS and whatever and quickly loses it in the presence of grown ups. I had no idea you were a “grown up.” My apologies. I’ll start treating you like an adult…
.IT’S LONG PAST TIME YOU GOT YOUR SHIT TOGETHER WOMAN. That better?
As annoying and nerve wracking that this person and her so called problems can be to most of us, she is actually in need of sharing her situation and listen to what other people have to say about it. As hard as it is to try to understand her, I see no reason to continue addressing her in a rude manner just because she is incredibly immature. Maybe that is the core of all her problems and she needs more help than we are ready to admit.
If she’s real, she needs far more professional help than we on Fluther can give her.
I agree, but if that is the case, the last thing she needs is people overdoing the rough talk thing.
@Porifera She’s being an immature idiot. Why sugar coat it?
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