What to do if you & your husband works hard but part of our earnings goes to other people like spoiling his nuisance good for nothing older brother?

Doesn’t make much sense to me. What kind of hold does the older brother have over the both of you that would warrant him reaping your rewards? What I would do is stop sharing all my good fortune with my brother if he wasn’t contributing to the bounty. You should also find out why your husband insist on spoiling his older brother.

Why is your husband’s brother entitled to any of your earnings or blessings? I would consider moving away!

Your husband has to learn to say no.

You and your husband need to sit down and talk about this. Then once the two of you set some ground rules for his brother, he needs to sit down and talk to his brother. It’s one thing to help someone else out when you can, it’s another to put yourself in a situation where you may end up having a hard time because of it. Good luck.

Some people feel obligated to help some familiy members. I don’t know why they do it, either. Lamar Odom’s dad is a drug addict that milks him as well.

No one can take advantage of you unless you allow it.

Not sure I exactly understand the question. Does the older brother live with you guys? Are you handing over money to him? Does he come over to your house un-announced? Does he take credit for your hard work.

I need more details.

It’s something only your husband can answer. Perhaps ask him why he insists on spoiling his older brother rather than himself and yourself

I don’t see this as being that much different from welfare (taxpayer dollars) being spent on drug addicts and drunks.

I wonder how your money can be spent on something you don’t want to spend it on in the first place. What kind of arrangement between a husband and wife would that be?

@Blackberry

“Lamar Odom’s dad is a drug addict that milks him as well.”

So among such stellar NBA nicknames like Black Mamba, King, and Blake Superior, we now have Lamar “Daddy’s Cow” Odom. ;-)

@Brian1946 I only know this because I was forced to watch an episode of his new show he has with his wife lol. He was a dead beat that constantly asked for handouts.

If your husband was in the habit of helping-sharing-spoiling-bailing out, etc. his brother before you two married then he probably has become accustomed to that dynamic of their relationship.

Some things out of habit can change but only when it’s brought out into the open. In my opinion, your husband should put your immediate family first and let brother hold his own. It might be hard for your husband to imagine doing without feeling cheap or like he’s abandoning the brother he’s gotten used to, the one who’s gotten used to relying on your husband.

I would like more details on what you mean when you say whatever blessings you have the brother is there to enjoy it as well, and when you say you spoil him. He is there to enjoy what? When? How? You buy him things? He lives with you? He comes over to grub dinner? I cannot answer this question without more details.

Some people get joy out of someone elses joy. Maybe older brother helped him out a lot in the past and he feels he should share in his good fortune.
If that isn’t the case and brother is a leech than you may want to speak to your husband about how he isn’t doing his brother any real justice by having him rely on him all the time. Older brother should already be set on his way to securing his own life.
If its just spoiling here and there than I don’t see what is the problem. If I could afford to always help out family members I would. There are some I do and others who I feel need to grow up so I don’t.

Thanks for sharing your great thoughts.

He doesn’t live with us (I wouldn’t allow it). He lives in some town. A type of guy that receives and receives without giving anything back.

My husband & I, we are not just couples, we are business partners. But he doesn’t think twice in shelling out company money for his brother. One time we had to travel out of town on Official Business Trip. My husband included him in the trip. I was left working while he toured his brother, did some sightseeing, all at the company’s expense. Then came another out of town project only this time, we weren’t coming, only our staff. Yet again, he booked his brother to an all expense paid trip. Our staff (being used to this) told me this time, how could he go alone without us, his presence was just off.

Everything is taken out from our company funds. Chipping in (even just a dollar) is alien to him.

At X’mas or even in his own b-day, my husband is the one who treats him and buys him gifts. Oh and he sends him monthly load allowances. It’s really sad.

Every time I say NO to all these things, comes a big fight. My philosophy is, I gladly help those who help themselves. How can I talk to him in a way that will not make me look selfish or bad. Should I talk to his brother as well?

Does brother work at all?

Maybe brother thinks because it’s business expenses it “does not matter?”

Why does your husband give him monthly load allowances? What is a load allowance? Like an allowance? Does he do work for it, for example is it part of the company payroll?

It sounds like you and your husband need to talk about how he’s handling the business money. I’d also point out to your husband that counting his brother as a business expense when he is not could end up causing the two of you a lot of problems if you were ever audited. It sounds like you might have to be firm with him about it, but if you both aren’t comfortable with how things are going, then something needs to change.

I don’t think talking to your brother-in-law about it will help. He obviously has no problem taking the handouts, so I doubt he would suddenly stop just because you tell him that you don’t like giving them to him.

Now that you have given us more to go on, I strongly suggest you talk to a counselor about this. It is way beyond a disagreement about money, and into the issue of dominance and communication in a partnership.

EEK. If it’s business funds your husband is using to support his brother then you have every right to dispute it since you and your husband are business partners. Look into legally what you can do to protect your part of interests and have legally drawn up brother-expenses will be against your husband’s share in the earning or projected earnings.

This isn’t good business and it’s bad for a romantic relationship. I’m sorry for you because I’m sure it feels all about stuck and hopeless to get any resolve or adjustment if this has been going on years enough to where your coworkers know all about it and accept it as the normal way of things.