What do you learn about a person when they tell you when they lost their virginity?

I have never asked the question. But it is clearly a taboo issue. If it was not, nobody would give a shit.

To be really honest, I have never been asked how or when I lost my virginity. I have never been curious about how anyone else lost theirs unless there is a particularly fun story associated with it.

Deep down inside many people are still wanting to not be outside the norm. It’s like the crowd in Life of Brian shouting “We’re all individuals”. I think people want to know if the other persons sexuality and experience is similar to their own.

Being clueless as to when girls were signaling to me that they wanted to have sex, I was older when I lost my virginity. And I was pretty shy about discussing it when I was younger. I have no embarrassment sharing that with a partner now, it was so long ago.

But I have never asked a woman that question. It’s none of my business.

I don’t ever recall asking anyone that question. I do remember girls in high school talking about “doing it” and how many they’d been with etc and I thought they were sluts. Truth be told they were probably liars too, but who knows. My close friends just told me when they lost their virginity, no need to ask.

Maybe a tiny glimpse of the person’s early attitude (if they share more experiences) towards sex and relationships.

I can honestly say the answers have weighed with me when I learn about a partner’s experiences. I don’t say it’s right or fair or politically correct but I have been so much more impressed by partners who shared even though sex was available to them, they waited until they felt emotionally and physically serious about their first time partner or until they felt emotionally more mature.

I am with Josie here. This question has never entered my mind, when I was first dating.

Its too personal and really not anyones business.

Maybe it’s just where I live, but in real life, this isn’t something I’ve heard being asked very often. It does a lot more when people become closer together, whether as friends or lovers. Of course, you get the whole bar scene where this will come up, but otherwise, this question seems a lot more prominent online than the offline world.
So, it’s really hard for me to say. All your reasons that you listed, I think, are probbaly valid.

It would have to be they lost their virginity at what I would consider a very old age, in terms of virginity losing, for me to have some sort of curiousity, or follow up question.

People who are virgins past the age of 25 is odd to me. I’m not making a judgment, just very unusual.

But, I don’t go around asking, but it does sometimes come up.

I think for some, that question is definitely used as a platform to judge others and what their skills, morals and beliefs must be like. If you’re a female and lost your virginity too young and/or before everyone else you must be a slut. If you’re a male and lost your virginity too young you must have a lot of game. If you’re a female and lost your virginity “too old” you must be a prude. If you’re a male and lost your virginity later in life you must have a small dick or be gay. I have personally felt on numerous occasions my friends thinking I was naive and childish and that they were more mature and experienced in “life” because they lost their virginity before I did. But I have also felt the opposite that someone was only asking to compare themselves to me and to “feel better” that they were still a virgin too.
The only times I can ever recall asking this question is if it was asked of me first. I’ve never had a problem telling people that I was still a virgin or that I lost my virginity at 20. I think why you lost your virginity gives more insight into a person than their age because losing your virginity at 13 doesn’t mean you’re more grown-up. In fact, in a lot of cases, I think it can mean the complete opposite.

Man, I used the word virgin a lot. I feel like Madonna.

@Vunessuh GA. :)

Losing your virginity is something almost everyone has in common yet that experience is soooo different for each and every person. Asking about it and talking about it, tells a lot about that persons sexuality and perception of intimacy. Almost never what you ever imagined!

@Vunessuh Wow. I never thought about losing virginity in such detail, or with so many lables for those who lose their virginity younger or older, especially if it all happens in the age group of 14–20. To me losing virginity at 15 is basically the same as 19. I don’t equate when someone lost their virginity to being a slut or prude. I might only use slut if a girl/woman is sleeping with bunches of men she barely knows. I would use prude for someone who doesn’t enjoy sex, or thinks everything even the littlest bit adventurous is horrible and disgusting. I realize you are not calling people sluts and prudes, but obviously you were around people who thought that way I guess.

Forme the bigger question is about how many partners they may have had.
To me this is a more meaningful discussion or way to learn about their morals or religious beliefs, their social skills, how fast they grew up, etc.

I honestly don’t think you learn a thing. I think the amount of people you have slept with says a lot more. imo

What would you think of me if I told you that I have now regained mine?

@WasCy How the hell d’you do that lol?

Did you do the purity pledge thing @WasCy? Or the lackofuse thing?

I’m sorry for any confusion. It was a hypothetical question. (Where would we be without them?)

I have not regained my virginity, nor would I want to. But the world seems to be trying for force it back upon me.

I don’t really ask that question…maybe when I have a romantic interest and they mention losing their virginity and I ask ‘when’ just to orient myself in their life.

I was thinking that it might come up when talking with a girlfriend about her kids. If she is worried are just thinks her child might be having sex, it might tangent off to when I first had sex, or when she did.

@wundayatta I think the way it was used in the question that was asked tonight was pretty innocuous. Some people just ask because it’s fun to them, and they think they are making conversation. Simple as that.

I like hearing stories from people’s lives, ones that had an impact on them. Losing one’s virginity is usually such a story, and I just find it interesting. I don’t think you really learn anything about the person, though, unless they happened to lose their virginity just the night before or something. We change so much between our teens and later adulthood, that I don’t think something that happened in our teens gives much insight into a fully formed adult.

It really depends on the context and how they talk about it.

I think it can actually show quite a bit about a person, although more about who they were than necessarily who they are. How they think of their first experience – really bad, with someone they didn’t care about vs really bad, but with a great person so they feel like it was pretty ordinary vs someone who wanted and felt like it was really special, etc – can be an insight into how they think about sex now. For example, I’ve found that many women whose first experience was really unsatisfactory and didn’t focus on their needs have a harder time believing that sex should really be shitloads of fun, and harder times ensuring their needs are met for at least a few years from then. Obviously, it isn’t going to give you a full answer, there are tons and tons who are exceptions, and it shows you more who a 20-something is than a 60-something is today. But I think it’s quite a bit like asking ‘what was your first boyfriend/girlfriend experience’, or any other first-time story – it can really set the stage for their later experiences.
But the people who answer on those threads on here are also regulars, so we care about learning their stories.

Nothing. I dont think the age at which I lost my virginity is in any way indicative of my personality. I do find it a bit odd when I meet people who are older and still a virgin but I dont judge them for it in any way just cant imagine going that long myself :P

Hmm well it’s something to think about…I…Don’t remember if I’ve ever asked that question..or have even thought about it (surprised face since I’m such a horny guy….XP ) But I’ve never really asked or thought of the question…but I’m thinking if I did probably to compare…I guess? But…You either did or didn’t lose it, that’s sort of the only difference. Maybe curiosity? I can’t really say but for me it’s curiosity, and I’m assuming to ask how it felt for the first time. But that’s just me.

The only thing I ever thought was that if the person was extremely young than they probably were not suppervised very well and there is always that chance that they may be the type of person to equate sex for love.
If they seemed to be very mature than either they may have a hang up about sex or really bad luck with dating or lack some social skills, or some really religious beliefs or personal beliefs about waiting for the person they plan to marry.
But since I’m not having sex with anyone other than my husband, I really don’t care when anyone chooses to have sex. I don’t recall ever being asked the question and the only one who ever did ask me that I can recall have been my children. Which I guess they ask because parents are often the measuring stick by which they measure their actions.

Those of you saying you never asked this, it never came up when you were a teen? I’m very surprised. I thought most teens talked about losing their virginity. I know all my friends talked about sex when we were teens. We talked about who was supposedly have sex, who wasn’t putting out, who was an ass about it all, who was a keeper. I thought this was normal teen talk.

@jonsblond It totally is. And normal drunk-on-Friday-night-with-your-friends-in-your-twenties talk. It’s a really great story to tell, and lots of us learning about people via their stories.

@MyNewtBoobs I just got a glimpse of my sons Facebook wall. All I’m going to say is I’m not ready to be a grandma. I’m only 40. lol… Laughing to hide the :/

@jonsblond Just read “who wasn’t putting out” as “who wasn’t pulling out”. Again, normal teen/20s talk. And just remember: Plan B is there for your son and his lady(s).

Funny you should ask. I just had this conversation with the guy I’m seeing the other day. I think you hit on a lot of important things in your questions. In this case, I wasn’t around when he was growing up, so it definitely gave me a sense of how quickly he did so. But I think even beyond that, it’s such an intimate topic, it creates a sense of intimacy and trust when you discuss it. And I think that’s a big part of the appeal.

@nikipedia Very true. It’s much like bonding over Never Have I Ever (especially the adult version).

Yeah, this topic came up a lot when I was younger, and also with pretty much every guy I’ve ever been in a serious relationship with.

@augustlan So then do you go with other ‘virginity’ stories as you age, like first time your child walked, first time you though ‘I’m getting old’, first time you read the obituary section of the paper, etc?

Well, when my kids were babies that was pretty much all I talked about! Haven’t gotten to the obits, yet, but sex still comes up. Thank goodness!

Much better when it’s still about life than when it’s about death!

I don’t ask people generally, but my husband and I have talked about it. Not really sure why? It doesn’t make me view him any differently.

That they don’t give a fuck! Or in this instance, evidently theydo/did!

We used to kid that every guy says he lost it with an older woman.

What do you learn about a person when they tell you when they lost their virginity?

I learn when they lost their virginity.

Well, now I know who didn’t pay attention to the details, @Seelix. “What do you learn about them when you hear the answer (other than the age)?”

@wundayatta – I saw that, I just think that someone’s age doesn’t have anything to do with anything.

Your answer had to do with when people lost their virginity, which was totally irrelevant to my question. I.e., I put in that caveat in order to avoid having people answer what you answered. The question was not about what a person’s age at virginity means, if anything. It is about why people ask that question. Why and what does it mean to the people who ask it. You should know better than to think I would ask the question you answered, even if I hadn’t explicitly said so in the details.

I feel quite insulted that you were disrespectful to my question and that you apparently think so little of me. In fact, I am in a state of high umbrage! Or is it dudgeon? You should try it sometime. It has it’s charms, but I don’t like it all that much. ;-)

@wundayatta – Wow. I certainly didn’t mean any personal disrespect to you, and I don’t see how my reply was any more offensive than many of the answers here. Consider your question henceforth Seelix-free.

@JLeslie Holy crap, they soooo do. And not just an older woman, meaning a woman who is older than they are, but like, they’re 16 and she’s 43. And maybe I’m missing the signels, but I don’t think I’ve ever met a woman who seemed to seek out 16 year old boys for the purpose of asking them to mow her lawn, and then half way through, offer them some “lemonade”. But really, that’s the virginity story for about half my male friends and ex-boyfriends.

@MyNewtBoobs Exactly.

@MyNewtBoobs thank god I’m not one of those, I hate being part of a stereotypical story. lol

@Winters What I really want to know is: Are all these boys actually loosing their virginity to these much older women, or is this (for some reason I don’t get) a trope that men do – and if so, why?

@MyNewtBoobs I never believed it, but it is a common story given for sure.

I think they just wanna come off as a stud/god among other men really, and that the were hot enough to make some bored cougar pounce their bones. Though truth be told, I did get it on with a friend’s mom (someone apparently dropped something into the party punch bowl and almost everyone woke up in some awkward place) but that ain’t my lost virginity story.

@Winters Huh. It always made me think even less of them…

hey, we were only given enough blood to think with one of our heads at a time, when one is on, the other is off. lol

@Winters No, no – not the actual sleeping with an older woman. That I don’t care about. It’s when it seems so much like a lie, and yet you can tell their bragging. Not only are they lying to me, but they’re lying to me for no apparent reason, and they’re too stupid to come up with an impressive lie that will actually improve my opinion of them (perhaps something involving fighting pirates?).