NSFW Same sex spouse question.

If they’re my spouse, and not “just” my partner, how are they also not out?

That’s what you call a “roommate” or “best friend”.

This is what my sister did with her girlfriends before she outed herself.

I have been informed that my number three grandson lists himself on Facebook as married with the last name of the man he lives with, but I have never met this man, and he never shows up or is mentioned in family gatherings. Maybe the spouse, rather than the grandson, is not out.

I just wondered if someone here might have a clue why this is?

@YARNLADY My son has several friends listed as uncles, father and brothers. I wouldn’t take anything from Facebook too seriously. A lot of the younger generation likes to have a little fun this way. It’s possible they could be a couple. You could ask him.

@YARNLADY Mmm, if the spouse wasn’t out, I don’t think the grandson would list himself as married. However, it may be that there’s an issue relating more to the spouse himself. Take the gay factor out; if your grandson listed himself as married, but the (female) spouse never shows up or is mentioned in family gatherings, what would you think it was? Plus, there’s levels of out-ness – you have to be out a certain amount to date, even more to proclaim your relationship as something romantic (not just roommates or friends), and people are often out to their friends, but not necessarily their coworkers, some or all family members, perhaps not their clergyman, or an old-fashioned professor/mentor who knew them before they discovered they were gay, etc. But usually, stating in some form “this man is my spouse” is pretty much saying “We’re here, we’re queer”.

@MyNewtBoobs good answer.

@YARNLADY Why thank you, madam.

@YARNLADY Not knowing how close you are to this grandson, I would suggest that you just ask him why you never see or hear of his new spouse, and if you are so inclined, invite the pair over for dinner so you can get to know the new man in his life. It’s possible that both are out, but unsure of how the rest of the family will react, and are waiting for you to make the first move of acceptance.

What about this question is NSFW?

Without knowing more it sounds like facebook silliness.

In this day and age, if you’re close with your family you should probably be out, at least to them that is. They’re your family, even if they’re hardcore Christians. If it’s on facebook, then it’s pretty out. The internets know all!

I think while I would want to respect my partner’s wishes, I wouldn’t stand for them being ashamed of me or themselves. At least invite me as a “friend.”

Is your grandson out to you? If so, ask him about it. If not, this may just be a facebook joke (not uncommon). You can still ask him about it, of course.

@YARNLADY When I was a freshman in college there was a trend of same-sex facebook marriages going around. This was in 2005, so most people only had their friends on facebook at that time, no relatives. And nobody took facebook very seriously at all.

Hm, let me think how to explain the mindset behind this whole same-sex facebook marriage trend.

-My group of friends was very internet-savvy and we had this very internet-specific type of humor that’s full of irony, exaggeration, and over-the-top silliness.
-Exaggeration was a big deal. Casual friends would say stuff to each other like, “I want to have your babies” or, “your boobs are hot.” The actual sentiment behind stuff like that was, “Dude, thanks for helping me move. That’s pretty cool,” or “cute top.”
– Obviously, the joking was often sexual. I think it’s a way for young people to show that they’re comfortable- but not really? with sexuality and homosexuality. Like a way of saying, “I’m cool enough to talk about it, but I’m treating it as a joke.”

Then again, straight kids who get same-sex facebook married might say they’re supporting gay marriage… I personally think me and my friends were being giant douchecanoes by making light of it.

Most of the people who got same-sex facebook married were completely straight, but everyone who did it was usually pretty good friends. It’s like an exaggerated way of saying, “this person is my best friend.” Obviously, the trend was pretty stupid.

I’m just guessing that this is what’s going on. Young people often joke about stuff that older people take seriously. One of my friends commented on a few of my posts and I wrote back, “Hey lady, quit stalking me!” This was a running gag between us and we were close friends. My grandmother sent me a worried note the next day, telling me that if this girl was stalking me I should take precautions like contacting campus security.

Humor often gets lost between generations, but get the internet involved? Phew, there goes any chance of understanding each other!

Ask him?

you hardly know just because of reading facebook tea leaves.
What kind of a relationship do you have with him. Is he close?
What does knowing or not knowing this mean to you?
I don’t know if I would simply ask unless your relationship is close and will give a true answer.
Embrace whatever the circumstances are. Get to know him a bit more for him and not who his roomate is, but because you truly care about him no matter.

His brothers say he is in a relationship with a man, living together. It might explain why he has been so reluctant to be as close to me as the brothers are. (They live in my house). He lives 500 miles away, and doesn’t communicate with me much, but comes to family gatherings whenever I visit.

Based on the suggestions here, I will suggest he is welcome to bring “a guest” to our next outing.