Before you fell for that special someone in your life (past or present), did you go through some rough times with them?

No.

I’m still at it, the rough patch for 8 years. Go figure.

The longest running argument we’ve had so far is whether flan has a crust or not. (We finally came to the realization that it depends upon where you live.) We both expect to have a much more important disagreement some day, but we have vowed to work through it. After all, isn’t that what commitment is all about?

No.

@Pied_Pfeffer I don’t understand. A crust, like a separate pie crust? Or, just that the top is browner from baking in the sugar?

Nope.

Rough times in the three big relationships of my life have all occurred after I fell for her. If I hadn’t already fallen for them, the rough patch would have been very short lived and the whole affair would have been over.

@JLeslie Flan a.k.a. crème caramel is a custard with a soft caramel top. It is different than crème brûlée, which has a hard caramel top. His definition of flan consists of basically a pie crust and often has fruit. Here is one UK recipe. To me, that is a pie

@Pied_Pfeffer I make Flan, my husband is Mexican. Your SO is wrong. But then there is this

No, in fact we rescued each other from rough patches with the other persons of significant interest in our lives. I think that we met each other at exactly the right time.

The rough patches tend to come when you have figured out that you both had feelings for each other, but one person’s feelings were stronger than the other person’s or that both of you weren’t in the same place at the same time, comittment-wise. If the rough patch had come before we had an attraction/relationship it would have ended right then and there. I don’t have time to put up with crap from people that I don’t care about, are not my family and have no potential bearing on my future.

But once you think you’ve found that special someone, those ugly problems that crop up can wreak havoc on you. Especially when you are the one that has the stronger feelings and need for comittment. That is the crucial point where relationships either die on the vine or get stronger. I’ve had more than my fair share of relationships end, because I needed/wanted a real comittment and not just a few laughs or some cheap physical relationship. Those things, by themselves don’t work for me. So some men have fled, because they didn’t want or couldn’t give more. But as much as those things hurt and made me more wary, more suspicious and less trusting in the first place, it lead me closer to the real thing.

The wrong person and the wrong situation is always going to be just that, no matter how much you may have wanted it to work out. All you can do is pick yourself up, dust yourself off and try to move forward and not to let the same thing happen again.

Some go through such periods… mostly it starts like this because opposite attracts.

Thanks, @Kardamom , but actually, in this case, I was thinking about before I figured out how I felt about this person, before it “clicked”, how once or twice he got me so mad my eyes were shooting fire, lol! It wasn’t until a bit later that I fell for this guy…I think most people missed the point of this question, except for @Hibernate above. I wrote it too late at night, and it wasn’t coherent enough I guess…:)

Ty kind sir :P

You’re welcome, @Hibernate , but it’s ma’am, lol!

I’ve gone through a rough patch after we fell in love so it was easier to get over it. I’ve never fallen for anyone I’ve had a rough patch with prior to love and can’t imagine that happening unless something would change significantly in that person.

Never had this problem with my wife. We dated for six months with no problems. I think we both knew that our relationship was suppose to be and accepted it.

Ah, my apology @yankeetooter, and thank you for politely pointing out that most of us are not responding in the way you were looking for. Maybe this story fits.

While living in Minneapolis, I hung out with a group that would meet up regularly for dinner, dancing, etc. There was one guy in the group that, while we had mutual respect for each other’s work (we all worked for the same company), we could not be in the same room for long without ending up arguing.

He transferred to Dallas to run classes on how to use the company’s computer system. I moved to Chicago to open up a new hotel. As luck would have it, I was tasked with going to Dallas for his training class. We both were dreading being stuck in the same room all day long for two weeks. At the end of the first day, he pulled me aside and said, “You said something to me once that had a profound impact on me, and it has made a difference for the better. You said, ‘Oh, grow up.’”

We both had a good laugh over it and really bonded during those two weeks. If it hadn’t been for the difference in locations, we probably would have dated. He married a woman he met in Dallas, but we were still in touch with each other until I left the company.

We went through a rough patch in the early months of the relationship, split up for a couple of months and then realised that we cared too much about each other to be apart. The time away from him made me appreciate him even more.

The answer to the question is no, I would not fall for someone that I had a rough patch before I fell for them. I try to avoid those people. For me, having awful or angry feelings towards someone has never led me closer to them. That seems counter-productive.

It was never anything earth shattering, just things that he would do from time to time that really irked me, but then he would end up either making me laugh about it, at which point I couldn’t stay angry at him, or he would do something incredibly nice the next time I saw him, and suddenly I didn’t care about the irksome behavior. Then one day, I saw the person he really was and it was all over at that point-I was head over heels in love with him. Nothing from that day forward could change that…

@yankeetooter How long have you been together?

We’re not, yet…I’m working on that. I’ve fallen for him and am trying to find out how he feels…

I know, I know, don’t say…how can you be in love with someone if you’re not a couple yet? I’ve heard that a million times.

@JLeslie I was not going to say that. Although, I am thinking that relationship will not stand the test of time. I could be wrong though. I think it was Judge Judy who said something along the lines of if you hate something your boyfriend does, doesn’t matter how trivial people try to tell you the behavior is, don’t marry them. You will hate it even more when you are married. It will drive you crazy, resentful, and possibly lead to anger. Something like that. Generally, I think that is true. The stuff that irked you no longer irks you? Because you see those things from a different perspective, or because since you feel in love with him you are willing to overlook them.

Maybe it’s that he no longer does the stuff that used to irk me…there was only one time after I started liking him that he said something that got under my skin a little bit. I think he saw that it upset me and then teased me a little bit, to which I responded in like kind. (Once I start joking back with someone, I can’t be mad at them any more.) Since that incident, he has teased me a number of times, but never done anything that has “irked” me.

Is it that he changed his behavior? Maybe.

Am I now just so enamoured of him that I don’t notice any more? Quite possibly, but I think it’s probably him being nicer too, because I think if he wanted to he could definitely get me riled up (and in this case, I don’t mean in a good way…lol!)

@yankeetooter I was under the impression there are several things he does that bothers you. If it was one thing, and then he realized you don’t like it, then that might be different. All I can say is, date him for while, I would say that about anyone, and if red flags go up, don’t ignore them.

Ty dear gal @yankeetooter [ and sorry ]

No problem, @Hibernate…:)