as with @tranquilsea I have found psychotherapy to be life saving also.
It is extremely cyclical in nature, but in a forward moving motion, not a stagnant cycle.
My issues were extremely painful to deal with and my therapist helped me with EMDR to get through the most traumatic of them.
Just to give you an insight, my issues ranged from being raped at age 5 and 16, having a mentally ill mother who accused me of prostitution and drug use at age 13 (I had never done either), and severe abuse witnessed between my parents.
I feel if I had continued to bury these issues, I would not be having more satisfying relationships now.
Issues still come up, especially in personal relationships. Psychotherapy doesn’t explicitly solve those issues, it helps to identify those behaviors I exhibit when I feel scared (for me, it was running away or absorbing in overt sexual behaviors) and to better deal with them.
The largest part of this puzzle was the connection I had with my psychotherapist. She came highly recommended by a friend, had a general concern (which I know is not part of the relationship between doc and patient) and worked with me on a sliding scale so I could afford to actually see her enough for it to make a difference. In addition, she admitted she was learning Buddhism and that was quite important to me.
In my opinion, the following are the following non-negotiables when it comes to therapy:
1. You must be completely, totally, unabashedly honest about __everything__.
2. You must commit to going at least once a week in the beginning.
3. You have to find someone you really feel comfortable with, on all levels.
4. You have to do your homework. Write, observe, be aware. Understand what you are learning from the trusted person you are opening up to.
5. You have to give it a minimum of 6 months. Really. Based on my personal case above, over a year – two years has been the breakthrough point.
6. You have to be willing to change, despite the discomfort it may cause you in the process.
I don’t think for me personally it is easier to live my life without analyzing and dealing with this stuff. Its closely related to PTSD , where sometimes people who bottle up traumatic events have their issues manifest elsewhere, often in physical or mental disease or disorder.
Finally, I think it is about accepting the issues. I cannot change the abandonment I faced due to my parents’ state of consciousness when I was younger, but I can forgive them and know that they did the best that they could. And that is mighty helpful for releasing anger, frustration, inability to have intimacy and close relationships.