My son had consentual sex with a girl. Juvenile Court is involved due to police report made by her parents. How much trouble are we in for?

it’s gonna be a lot of stress for you but, as you have those texts, and he is only 16, it probably will be dropped. Sounds like one of those things where the parents of the girl are pushing this. Do get a good criminal attorney, and don’t let your son talk to the police alone. It’ll be ok

Get a lawyer, STAT. They can answer this sooooo much better for you than we can.

Better get a lawyer, these people sound like trouble

Sounds like they are butthurt that their “young preccccccious innocent daughter” had sex with a guy and now want compensation.

I would talk to a lawyer quickly but c’mon now, it’s probably going to be dropped. Your son is 16 and she’s 15. I’m assuming you’re in the US? There are no laws saying that 2 people UNDER 18 (the age of consent) can’t have consensual sex.

These people are bonkers. Don’t worry.

Contact an attorney. Your son needs representation.

First, stop saying he had “consensual” sex. He didn’t. By definition, she lacked the ability to give consent, and therefore it was nonconsensual. Insisting otherwise is going to do you no favors in a courtroom. That cannot be your defense.

@seekingwolf you are flat out wrong. There are PLENTY of laws that govern that sort of thing, and the age of consent is NOT 18 in every jurisdiction.

That being said, the age of consent in MO is 17, but it does not seem to address a situation in which both participants are under age 17. From 18–21, statuatory rape occurs with anyone below age 14. From 21 up, it’s with anyone under 17. I can’t seem to find anything that defines sexual relationships below age 17.

http://www.ageofconsent.com/missouri.htm

Definitely get a lawyer. From what I read about Missouri’s laws, it doesn’t sound like it would be statutory rape, but that doesn’t mean the parents aren’t trying to get him for rape. If that’s the case and their daughter has actually said to the police/lawyers/courts that she did not want it and/or that she said no, it will be his word against hers. So you definitely want a lawyer for that. The text messages may be helpful, but I wouldn’t count on them doing much good without some way of proving they came from her. Good luck. That’s one crappy situation to be in. Whatever happens, be very careful of your son making any deals. If they start talking deals, you want to make sure he does not end up having to register as a sex offender.

@MrItty People generally see a distinction between rape – one person forcing themselves on another – and not being legally able to consent. If this was “consensual” sex, then the parents could charge the boy with rape, but he could charge the girl right back with raping him because neither could consent. But if they’re saying he forced himself on her, that’s a horse of a different color.
Also, legally, she may not be able to consent. But I think all of us can conceive of consensual sex between teens, even if the law disagrees. If the law stated that you have to be 25 in order to consent, would any of us really be arguing that a couple of 23 year olds going at it couldn’t be consensual?

If the “age of consent” is higher than 15 in Missouri (as I’m sure that it is), then she hasn’t yet reached an age where she can legally “consent” to sex. You need to understand that, and your son surely needs to learn it quickly. There is no such thing as ‘consent’ from an underage girl. The concept is legally impossible.

You and your son both need attorneys.

I think that a good one should be able to work with the prosecutor to see that your son doesn’t go to trial on a rape charge. That seems unsupportable based on what you’ve told us here. Since both participants are underage (presumably the age of consent is also over 16), there may not be charges against either of the participants.

But you could be charged as negligent parents.

Talk to an attorney.

However much all of us as reasonable people think it’s ridiculous for your son to be charged with rape, the plain fact remains that there have been similar cases in which the young man did indeed do jail time. And has to register as a sex offender.

A lot will depend upon the DA’s office handling this case and how much he wants a good track record of prosecutions for reelection.

I’m not trying to scare you, but to emphasize that you really need competent lawyers on your side.

Well it looks like the age of consent in Missouri is as follows: If you are over 18 but under 21, the age of consent is 14. If you are over 21, you may not have sexual intercourse with anyone under 17 – See the following Age of Consent in Missouri Keep all the texts as proof it was consentual and it looks hopefully it will be ok, I would still seek legal counsil for your son.

@MyNewtBoobs The question was not about “Is this okay” or “what do you all think about this”. It was LEGALLY how much possibility of trouble is he in? It does not matter what you and I think, or can conceive of, or what “people generally see”. The only thing that matters is what the law says, and what a lawyer can prove.

@MrItty And I agree – but what I’m saying is that the distinction may enter into what the DA decides to charge him with, and how the lawyer decides to go about helping him.

Echoing the advice of @MyNewtBoobs and @WasCy , it’s important for your son to get legal representation ASAP. Since her parents went immediately to the authorities with their concerns I’m assuming against their daughter’s wishes, I think you might be in for a bumpy ride. And a lawyer can prepare and advise you much better than we can here.

It’s gonna be nasty.. Do not blame the daughter, this is a war between parents. Neither parents want their child to have anything to do with the other’s because they are a bad influence.. See where this is going? How can one be a bad influence if both are responsible? Someone is assuming their child is innocent of all this goings on.. It’s definitely an adult issue and if the daughter, through fear or what ever, accuses the boy of rape through false witness then it can indeed turn ugly.. Bottom line is both parents will suffer monetarily (hiring attorneys) and both families will never be the same.. The girl’s life will suffer and the boy (at the very least) will be branded a sexual predator and no amount of record sealing will protect him. Lets just hope in the end there will be calm and logical minds that will resolve this adequately and justly.. Good luck..

I have never even met this girl’s parents. So I don’t know if I like them or not except for this. I have a friend that is the Asst. Prosecuting Attorney for our county so I just sent him a text asking for his help with this matter. I quizzed my son on more details. Since he had a full cast up to his shoulder on his arm during this time period, I asked the question, who was on top. She was. How can you rape someone if they are controlling it because they are on top? Should I file a police report?

@MrsCSJestis You keep not understanding the definition of statutory rape. No one is claiming he forced himself on her. They’re saying he had sex with someone who was legally unable to give consent. It has nothing to do with “who was on top”.

@MrItty Ah, but did he get charged with rape, or statutory rape? They’re two different charges. If he got charged with rape, and not statutory rape, than the ages of the parties aren’t the issue in this case, but the idea that he forced himself on her.

@MrsCSJestis You can, definitely, but it’s much harder to prove, and the law normally doesn’t like to get involved. If it’s any consolation, we have a legal system that really loves letting rapists walk free, so your non-rapist son will probably get to benefit from that.

No he has just had a police report filed by her parents naming him as someone who raped their daughter. I called an attorney and he said at the conference I really don’t need to pay out for an attorney. If everything is as my son says and she had control of the situation and we bring in all the other kids she was bragging to that she had sex with him… then it shouldn’t be too bad. I hope.

@MrsCSJestis That’s good. Even still, probably not the best time to be on the money-saving side, because if it goes bad, it’s really bad.

@MyNewtBoobs it absolutely doesn’t matter. Even if they don’t charge him with forcible rape, he is by definition guilty of statutory rape. (Of course, so is she, but that doesn’t matter of the police report has only been filed against him)

@MrItty Are you a lawyer?

So should I file a report against her? It just seems like at this point it would look retalitory.

@MrsCSJestis That’s a question for your lawyer, and will depend largely upon what exactly he’s been charged with.

See they didn’t include a copy of the police report. They only reference the number in the letter. I haven’t been able to get off work during working hours to go get a copy. My work is not very understanding about this. The only term I have heard used is rape.

@MrsCSJestis You might need to call in sick on day to go get things done.

I would refrain from filing a counter-claim against the girl at this point. What you want to be doing is trying to put out the fire, not fan the flames. If you get more police (and official investigation) involved, then it’s more likely to come out badly – for both children. The other parents do not appear to be listening to their daughter; hopefully if you come off as the reasonable adult in the room, then she might admit in your presence that she was “willing” even if she cannot “consent”. (You have to understand the legal difference there.)

All that you can do at this point is attempt to remain calm, and to keep your son calm, too. You don’t want to let the other parents walk all over you, but you don’t want to start threatening legal action of your own. That won’t go well. You should get your son to agree – hopefully without any resistance on his part, as he sees this all going down – not to see the girl any more outside of school, and not one-on-one at any time, regardless of how he feels about her.

It may be enough for the other parents to see that your son is obedient to you and will not try to continue to see their daughter to agree to drop the charges – if they even can. By all means maintain your cordial relations with the prosecutor’s office. That might be the only thing that saves him in the end.

Good luck to you.

@MyNewtBoobs Are you? This woman is asking how bad things COULD get. You keep insisting on telling her what the best case scenario is. Why?

@MrItty No, I’m not. If I was focused on the best-case scenario, I wouldn’t keep telling her to get a lawyer. But you seem to think that there’s no possible way her son hasn’t been charged with statutory rape, which I don’t think is the case. Maybe he has been, but maybe there are also peer sex laws to deal with the issue, because statutory is usually focused on age gaps. But either way, forcible rape – saying, for instance, that he held a gun to her head – is totally separate, and minors can be charged with it.

Yes, @MyNewtBoobs maybe he has been. And if he has been, that’s what she needs to prepare for, because she has no defense. If he’s been charged with forcible rape, then she has her “evidence” and defense, which would be great. Again, prepare for worst, hope for the best.

@MrItty What she should prepare for depends entirely on what the charges are, which she doesn’t know yet. Either way, it’s more up to her lawyer to figure out what’s the best strategy. So I don’t know why you’re so worked up over this.

@MyNewtBoobs I’m worked up because you seem to keep trying to tell her “don’t worry, everything’s fine, you’ve got nothing to worry about”, when that could be just insanely wrong.

@MrItty That’s not at all what I’m trying to say. That’s all your interpretation, and having just reviewed my posts, I have no idea where you got it. Please stop yelling at me for something I didn’t even do – or at the very least, yell at me for “saying” that everything would be fine, instead of picking a fight over statutory rape laws.

@MyNewtBoobs We can agree to disagree. We’ve taken this way off topic (frankly, I’m surprised the mods haven’t removed our last several posts yet).

I’m continuing to talk to my friend that is the Asst. Prosecuting Attorney. I went to school with him. He’s given me some suggestions. He can’t believe they didn’t include the actual charges in their letter or even a copy of the police report. That is making us go to the Juvenile Conference in “the blind”. Its all very frustrating. I have collected names and phone numbers of the kids she bragged to about having sex with my son. Found out this all came about when the “broke up”. So I will provide the list of kids that she texted and talked to, to the Juvenile Detention Officer or whomever so they can go interview them. No DNA was taken and there was no marks on the girl since this was all brought about much later during a break up. Ughhhh, teenagers!

@MrsCSJestis

I hope you’re doing this with an attorney. If you feed information to the prosecutors (or to the attorneys for the parents who seem to be running this circus) then you run a very real risk of having it be co-opted and used against you / your son. If you don’t have an attorney, then the best thing that you can do is shut up. Don’t volunteer. Don’t attempt to mediate. Don’t conciliate. Don’t admit a damned thing.

I once had a girlfriend who had been a Los Angeles County Deputy for about ten years. She was a good and honest cop. Her advice to me as an honest cop to an honest citizen was what I’m giving you now: “If you’re stopped by the police, arrested, taken to court, questioned on anything at all—volunteer nothing; say nothing without an attorney. They aren’t trying to find out the truth when they question you; they’re trying to build a case.” As others have said – I hope you’re listening to them! – “it’s not about what is ‘true’ or ‘false’; it’s about ‘what can be proven’”. And that means “what can be proven according to the rules of the game”. Since you barely even know the game, and you don’t know the rules at all, you put yourself at a very severe and real disadvantage with every attempt you make to be helpful.

For example, if you present evidence from others who back up your son’s account of events, then they know that “here’s a bunch of witnesses who have to be marginalized, discredited or excluded from testimony.” Be aware that this is how the system works; it’s not about “a search for the truth” at this point.

Do not attempt to help the police, the prosecutor or the other parents, no matter how pure your intentions. They are beyond your help. The only person you can help is your son, and the only way that you can help him is by engaging a competent and aggressive criminal attorney to make certain that nothing is given away (which will be ammunition used against you later, despite your good intent) and then do what he tells you.

Gotcha, my school friend (Asst. Prosecuting Atty) gave me some attorney referrals.

@MrsCSJestis: If you would like to, please feel free to post an update and let us know how things ended up. At the very least it will help settle some of the arguments on here!

JCA
The Update Lady

At work for the morning before I take off at noon to go to the conference. Will certainly post an update when I know what is happening. My nerves are killing me though.

Update. While the mother to the girl had filed what I now know is sexual assault charges, she signed a non-prosecute form. So when the Deputy Juvenile Officer took us into the office she told us right off she wasn’t going to proceed with charges, also told us she saw holes in the girls story. I also brought in about a 2” thick stack of phone records from his cell phone that show this girl was initiating all the phone calls and text messages. She asked me how I wanted to handle this when she brought him into the conference and I told her I wanted her to scare the H*LL out of him. It was also discovered that the DJO and I know some of the same people, school counselors, lawyers, Asst. PA, etc. So she brought him in, talked with him, had him explain his side, lectured the heck out of him, and told him she was putting his file as “pending”. Pending meaning if he doesn’t get in any trouble from now until he turns 17 in September that it will just get buried with other paperwork. However, if he has an offense like this again even as an adult it is possible that his juvenile past may come up. She also wanted him to see a counselor, and he had several options. Frankly I was surprised he chose the High School Counselor since she and I are friends even on Facebook. I figured he would want a male stranger counselor but I was wrong. So for now, a little less stress until his next adventure. Thank you everyone for all your advice and support!

@MrsCSJestis I’m glad you got everything settled. Hopefully you won’t have any more issues from this family again.