[NSFW] Sex toy substitutes: what food product works best?

Cucumbers. :P

Green bananas, in condom. Cucumbers are fine as well, like the bumps. Eat neither after, not because of dildo-esque use but because I don’t eat cucumbers or bananas.

PSA: Stop vegetable abuse.

Zucchini! I love the curve.

I think I’ll do some planting in the garden this weekend.

How about a pineapple? I mean, it’s a theory!

owie

water melon

I would assume cucumbers, and I’d love to eat it in a ‘tossed salad’ after my SO is finished lol.

It is no coincidence they are called cu cum bers

gives @ragingloli a really strange look Water melons?

well, a baby fits through, so…

okkkkkk

@ragingloli 0_0

Ummm… Is a Snickers Bar a vegetable?

@noelleptc just think of how bad it would suck if you got pregnant from a vegetable…

The child might be an anti-vegan terrorist, and the child support would certainly leave much to be desired. I agree that caution is the safest course of action.

@ragingloli I thought you were suggesting that for men. Just cut a hole in the side…..

@zenvelo Lol! Nice one matey ;)

@zenvelo
If I was suggesting it for men, I would not be referring to cutting a hole in the side, if you know what I mean.

Swim told me about this link to an About.com discussion on how to press all sorts of common household objects into service. Swim particularly liked the hothouse cucumber idea. The article notes that you can always buy one that looks too fat if skinny ones aren’t on the market shelf. Just take a vegetable peeler to it and customize it to fit purr-fectly. And if it seems a bit hard, just gently cook the business end a bit in boiling water to give it a more realistic feel. Of course, a condom cover is a great idea. Keep the end you’re going to hold uncooked.

“Yeah, the hot in hot house is definitely a sign of alternative uses.” Swim says.

Before i moved from home i didnt want to buy a dildo because i didnt want my parents to find it, so stuck a popscicle in my butthole, and holy god it was amazing. But here are some important tips: lick the popscicle before you use it so it doesnt get stuck in there like a tongue on a frozen flagpole, and only use it in like 15 second intervels, so you dont get burned. Oh, and i ate it after=D

Damn I just can’t stop with the typos.

@Deklandb Frozen in place… Ha! Shades of SNL Appalachian Emergency Room.

Is it really that difficult to capitalize an I?

@WillWorkForChocolate
You mean ‘L’?

@ragingloli Nope, I meant i I.