Are my parents going to get a divorce?

Do not suggest couples counseling. It will just piss them both off and neither of them will go. Being in college may ease some tension, but trust me, it’s not all about you. They will still fight even when you’re three hours away. I thought I was the source of all evil in my family but even with me in a different country, they still fought. It seems like just another spat, besides you have to actually think about the energy involved in getting a divorce. Would they really go through all the trouble at their age? Also, would a divorce really be that bad? People tend to be a lot nicer to people they no longer live with or see on a daily basis. I work so much better with my family now that I am in college, I appreciate them so much more. It’s made me realize what I have now that I no longer live at home. I think my dad is the same way. It’s a long story, but my dad lives in another country right now (no, my parents are not divorced) and he acts a lot nicer toward us when we’re together in the summers. Being apart can work wonders for a relationship.

Parents allude to divorces way more times then they actually act in getting them.

It’s pretty impossible for us to know, but I want to reassure you on a couple of points.

1) Lots of marriages go through rough spots and recover from them. Counseling certainly couldn’t hurt, so go ahead and suggest it if you think they could benefit from it.
2) If your parents do get divorced, it won’t be because of anything you’ve done (or not done).
3) If they divorce, I promise it won’t be the end of the world. Don’t get me wrong… divorce sucks. But sometimes it sucks less than staying in a bad marriage. It might just be the best thing for everyone. If your parents would be happier apart, they’ll be happier apart. Your own relationship with each of them may even improve once they are happier, you know?

FWIW, I’m a child of divorce, and got a divorce myself later on. We are all much happier now, even our kids. Take care of yourself, and try not to focus too much on your parent’s relationship… that’s their job. Wishing you the best. :)

There’s no knowing if your parents will divorce. They probably don’t even know. Sometimes when parents are having trouble, they will wait for the kid to go to college before they get the divorce. My therapist says it is not good to divorce when your children are in transition years, such as the first or last years of high school and college. Sophomore year is much better. But I don’t think many couples follow my therapist’s advice.

Couples counseling probably helps a couple divorce more often then it helps them stay together, but if it is done right, it can make the divorce much more smooth and less of a strain for all. In any case, whatever is going on between them has nothing to do with you. It is more likely that your mother is displacing her anger for your father and putting it on you.

You can not keep their marriage together. So don’t even think about it. What you could do is try to get information for yourself. “Mom. Dad. You’ve been really at each other’s throats now for a long time. It really makes me anxious. I’m afraid of what might happen. Can you help me understand what is going on?”

Of course, most kids can’t do that, and most parents are unprepared to deal with that question and they will probably avoid answering it, if they don’t lie. Still, it is worth raising just so they know you see what’s happening, and it could give an opening for a real discussion about issues to begin.

I’m sorry this is happening. It must be a huge strain on you, and I’m sure college might be a break, but your problems will still be there, and they will still weigh on your mind. Communication is the best thing, to the extent that people are willing to open up. Try to be courageous enough to keep pushing them to talk to you, although don’t try to guilt trip them.

Good luck.

My ex wife once told me that she thought that once the kids moved on to college and beyond, our relationship would improve.
This was typical evasion on her part.
The kids had nothing to do with it. She was an asshole. The kids were, and are, fantastic.
It has nothing to do with you. Not that it makes it easier, but it still has nothing to do with you.

If your parents do or don’t get a divorce, keep in mind that it is their life. Be thankful both were there together for the formative years of your life. You are moving on now, take with you the good that you have learned from them.

Your parents problems are just that. THEIR problems. Don’t blame yourself, no matter what happens. I know you are an only child, but really, there are aspects of their relationship that don’t involve you. Enjoy college and let them work on their relationship… Or not. It really is up to them.