What reason is there to desire to have have children?

More do it for the lineage.

Others try to have and raise them so others could see them in their kids after they will no longer be around.

My parents raised 9 kids and my father often referred to the wall that held all of our graduation photos as his ‘million dollar’ wall. I don’t think ‘cost’ ever really entered the picture for my parents. Dad worked hard and Mom stretched a dollar until it cried and begged for mercy.

In may ways, having a child is a bit selfish and narcissistic, but in more ways, it’s sharing yourself with another person in ways that being a sister, spouse, daughter could never, ever touch on. Having a relationship with my child, be he biological or not (I have one of both), is more love than I’ve ever experienced before. I’d be lost without them. They teach me something every day that I never would have discovered on my own and helping them learn and grow as people is the most satisfying work I’ve done in my life.

How ever their lives pan out, (and at this stage, my youngest is either going to be a Nobel Prize winning Scientist, or an Evil Genius who takes over the world and the oldest is autistic, so we’re just hoping for a semi-independent and happy life for him) there will always be a bond with them in this world that is unlike anything else. Oh.. and they’re a good excuse to watch animated films and act the utter fool.

And to be completely honest, I’d be horribly lonely without them. I might have a nicer wardrobe and thinner hips, but I’d be horribly, horribly lonely and that is not a fair trade.

There are many reasons people want to have children, not all of them good, but a species made up primarily of individuals who had no desire, or perhaps instinct, to reproduce wouldn’t be around for very long.

Bloodline, also kids are bloody awesome, well mine are anyway.

It is great to have a family and kids. The love you can get from your children is great. Life has it ups and downs. You try to teach your children right and wrongs of life. As we get older and look back on our children success it might makes us smile and be proud parents.

I didn’t want to have children when I was growing up and right through my twenties. But I was in a relationship with a guy who had had kids and then a vasectomy. I was quite happy with that. When we broke up, I suddenly realised that now I was free to meet someone else and I could have kids. That was the start. I think that there is no logical reason to have children, for me it felt like a biological need, that it was something I needed to do. An urge. It did happen at that specific time so maybe I’m unusual in that i can remember it – a lot of women and men have always wanted children.

I have heard that for a lot of men, they feel really detached from the whole idea of having children, until they have a child – when the child is born, that’s when the bonding starts.

i think that there is a lot of family and societal pressure to procreate. Maybe more people would be childless if this wasn’t so.

Once I had my darling babies I was smitten completely. My kids are a joy

I had kids because I wanted to. I love being parent and it’s fun to watch them grow and learn. I do know that people that don’t want to have kids are made to feel bad about it. I was visiting with a lady at work once and I asked her did she have any kids, I’d never heard her talk about kids or grandkids. She said no, she and her husband just didn’t want kids, but she didn’t usually talk about it because people would make negative comments to her or tell her she was a selfish person. I told her, in my opinion, that she did the right thing. Raising kids is hard and I can’t imagine doing it if I didn’t really want to in the first place.

I always loved children, even when I was a young teen. Only I had no plan to have any till I was grown and able to provide for them. I see them as a blessing. Greatest people to be around. What you see is what you get. And although that doesn’t last forever, when you raise them, if done right, is unlike any other experience in your life. There is a connection, bond that you share with them that is exclusive to parent and child. You get to share the puriest form of love. I certainly didn’t do it to pass down my genes, or family name or so I have something to brag about. I actually didn’t plan them but I also didn’t go out of my way to not have them.
The only reason we had children was because we had lots of love to share and who better to share it with. Now they are grown and someday they will have their own children or not.
I don’t pressure them. This a personal choice each person should make. I think one day they would make great parents but only once they are sure they are ready for the sacrifices one must make on a daily basis.
Although, personally, I never found a sacrifice that was to big to make for them. I’m not talking about sacrifices that are made simply to indulge a child but rather the ones one makes to ensure their well being and survival.

To keep the MIL occupied.

I would like to have kids so that they can inharite some of my awesomeness and pass it on to my grandchildren and they pass it on as well. And also my beauty-licious bootyb ;)

Some people do it to pass on their family name. Some do it to fill a void. Some people just feel a strong instinctual desire to have kids.

They’re a great way to pick up nannies? First in line for the Girl Scout cookies? Someone to eat your culinary experiments? A great excuse for going to parades? You get to fix some of your childhood failures? And there’s always the chance that someone will thank you from the podium at the Oscars or the Nobel Prize ceremony or Daytona.

I thought they were great fun and they are.

GA, OP! As it is, I can think of some ideas, but none of them are good enough to prompt me to actually have one. ((((shudder)))))

Anymore it’s trace instinctual need but a strong social marker of normality. As a child then I didn’t think I wanted kids of my own, into my 30’s I didn’t think I wanted kids of my own but now in my 40’s and with my particular partner then I think it would have wonderful for the two of us to create one about 15 years ago.

I never particularly wanted kids, but once my first was born (it seemed a logical progression of life to have one), BAM! – instant, overwhelming love. Rationally you know that they cramp your style, takeover your life, cost you loads etc., but the joy of having kids is visceral.

Well, a lot of women desire to have kids, because they feel a biological pull to do so. I began feeling the pull to reproduce when I was only 17. I did accidentally get pregnant then, but thank God I miscarried, otherwise I’d be almost 32 with a 14 year old.

A lot of people want children because it’s amazing to watch a baby grow in a woman’s belly that two people created together. I’m one of those annoying women who loves touching a woman’s pregnant belly, because “touching” an unborn baby is such a profound, sweet moment for me. It’s also amazing to watch the children as infants, and document all their amazing milestones and feel bittersweet sentiment at how quickly they grow into young adults.

For me personally, it’s been the most wonderful thing to have children because despite the rough moments, like attitude problems, terrifying accidents and all the other “negative” things, so much of my joy and love for life comes from my children. They are a pleasure to watch grow, a pleasure to talk to and hear all the interesting and hilarious things that come out of their mouths, and they are just an absolute pleasure all around.

Having children is such a blessing, and because of my illness, I’m so lucky that I was able to carry and birth two wonderful daughters. I honestly don’t know what my life would be like, or what I would do, if I didn’t have my precious girls. We argue, and we butt heads, but at the end of the day, those sweet hugs and kisses before bed make me melt, and after they’re alseep, I’ll just sit there for a bit, listening to them breathe and stroking their hair. It really brings a sense of peacefulness to the end of my day, and I can’t imagine anything more perfect.

I think the desire stems from craving that sort of love and peacefulness and bittersweet emotion that you imagine surrounding children.

It’s yet another amazing expereince we humans can have. And I wanted as many experiences crammed into a short life as I could.

Be good to them, and they’ll take care of you when you need help in your old age. Other than that, to give the gift of life and family.

It must have been instinct for me. Also, being raised in the late 50’s/early 60’s, that is just what people did – grow up, get married, have kids. It was more fun than a barrel of monkeys. I got to redo all the things that I missed from my childhood. I went trick-or-treating, played on the playground, went to the zoo and to the amusement parks, colored pictures, rode bikes. I also got to add a few skills to my repertiore, like sewing, cooking, and teaching. Now that they are grown, I don’t have any shortage of people to go out to eat with, to shop with, to travel with, or to call if I need something. There is something deeply soul-satisfying about having children and grandchildren.

Don’t think for a minute, though, that it was all sunshine and roses. A couple of my kids really gave me a run for my money, and a few of them keep me worried all the time, even now. If I had it to do over, I am not certain that I would chose to do it again. Luckily for the human race, people don’t know what they are getting into until it’s too late.

All in all, I would be decidedly richer and decidedly less stressed if I had not had children. I would be lonelier, though.

I had children..well, basically I always wanted children. Perhaps I was programmed this way. I was a babysitter and a nanny ..and later married a man with a child and had a couple more kids.

For me having kids is about having fun. Once I had kids I have had a wonderful excuse to buy more toys. And play games. And show them fun things I did when I was a kid.

There was a mom of a friend when I was a child who always PLAYED with us. We’d play “Pack of Sardines” (like a whole-house tag kind of game) with the lights turned off, or Ghost in the Graveyard on summer nights..and she’d take us fun places or go swimming with us.. and this is the mom I try to emulate.

We’re the “kid” house in our neighborhood. Our kids’ friends are always welcome and often around. I look around at meal times and count heads and cook in mass quantities accordingly.
We have plenty of extra bikes, extra baseball gloves, tons of balls.. frequent bonfires (with s’mores) and the kids help plant a garden..We have Wii and a huge closet FULL of fun board games.
We climb trees, build forts, my hubby shoots the BB gun with the boys, we all climb trees (we live in the countryside – lots of room to roam, lots of trees to climb)...we go to the beach, we go “tubing” (pull a big tube behind the boat on the lake)...lots of bike rides. You get the picture.

Not that we couldn’t do (some) of these things without kids..but having kids really enables us to have this fantastic excuse to do FUN things. Without kids I probably wouldn’t go to the Children’s Museum or the Planetarium nearly as often. Without kids I’d have less of an excuse to read the teen ‘lit I read (and share) with my oldest daughter.

Kids are FUN. Kids are amazing. Kids are worth all the puking, crying, pooping and cleaning up..just to watch them grow up and become their own person.

becasue simply put, I love kids!
I wish I could have a hundred of them. I love everything about them and seeing them learn and grow, I love the interaction with talking to them at any age level.
They allow me to stay young and do silly things being the big kid I am. A great reason to have fun at the playground, the beach, etc.

To have something to love. Does that sound creepy? I really, really, really, want kids and plan on adopting at least two. I want four. It’s not to carry on a family legacy or to try to create some prodigy, it’s simply because kids are fun to be with. I want the chance to become as wonderful a mom as mine was to me. I really can’t explain why I want children so badly, I just know I do. Maybe it’s the nurturing instinct in me that makes me feel like I need something to take care of. I just have so much to give and no one to really give it to.

Kids give you a kind of love no partner or friend can give. They’re something you created. Something you carried in your body for 9 months. There’s an unexplainable bond a mother and child have.

Well, some would argue it’s selfish genes while others (especially when looking at people without old-age pensions) would argue it’s selfish whole organisms. So it’s about human nature.

I work with the public (government job) with families whose children are at risk of foster care. I see a lot of kids with issues like neglect and abuse. I always felt like I want just one kid. I’ll be happy with just one of my own. I had my one and I’m thrilled (although it would be nice to have another but that probably won’t happen). I always bought children’s books and videos because I knew that one day I would have one.

Some people feel it’s selfish to want a child of your own. I actually feel it’s very giving – giving of your time, giving of your attention, giving of your finances, giving of your love. I feel it’s selfish to not have a child, to spend your life indulging yourself. I feel bad for my friends that are childless because they will never know the joy a child of your own can bring, and they will never experience the sacrifice that you do without thinking twice, on behalf of the child.

There are several reasons. First, there’s the biological drive to reproduce, but other motivations enter into the picture. A lot of people have children because it seems to be the next stage in life, and maybe they’re under social pressure from family/friends. Others do it because they have love to give and they want to take care of someone. So a host of reasons, both positive and negative.

@jca Actually, I disagree that it’s necessarily selfish not to have a child. If two people know that they don’t want to be parents, it would be more selfish for them to have children whom they would only resent later on. And not all childless people live indulgently (in fact, I know plenty of parents who are quite hedonistic). Many find their own outlets for giving to others, by doing well at their jobs or performing volunteer work.

I would also like to point out that there are practical reasons not to have kids, such as financial insolvency. If you don’t believe you can adequately provide for a child, it is better not to have one.

Perhaps you didn’t mean to say that all childless people are selfish, so if I misread your reply, I apologize. I just wanted to point out that there can be good reasons not to have children.

@lonelydragon: Yes, there are definitely excellent reasons not to have children!

@jca Um, people who do not have children can also be unabashedly selfless. You don’t have to have a kid to do that.

@ladymia69: Um, I didn’t say someone had to have a kid to be selfless.

@jca Your latest comment may be true, and I have no reason to doubt that it isn’t. Please re-read one of the previous statements:

I feel it’s selfish to not have a child, to spend your life indulging yourself. I feel bad for my friends that are childless because they will never know the joy a child of your own can bring, and they will never experience the sacrifice that you do without thinking twice, on behalf of the child.

For those that cannot or choose not to have a child, I hope you can understand why this statement may cause an emotional reaction in some.

@Pied_Pfeffer: I started out answering this question with personal details about myself and then deleted it, deciding not to use myself as an example. I decided to keep it simple. I understand why it would cause an emotional reaction in some. I answered my question to @ladymia69 the way I did because she put something inaccurate that made it like I said something I did not say. If you re-read what I wrote and what she accused me of writing, it’s not the same. Furthermore, I understand that what I wrote in my original answer is my opinion, and I am entitled to it, as is everyone on Fluther.

I thought I was in the ‘forever childless’ camp for a very long time. So much so, that I had convinced myself that I didn’t want one. It is incredibly trite for someone with children to tell people who don’t have children that they’ll never know what it’s like to have children or the value of having children. Let’s be a little more respectful, OK? Being childless isn’t always a choice, either, so let’s be a bit more sensitive.

I am aware that being childless isn’t always a choice, and when I said I feel it’s selfish to not have a child, obviously that would not apply to someone who cannot, is unable to for any reason. I also stated in another answer that I understand there are many excellent reasons not to have children.

I came very close not to having one myself (I am 45 with a 3 year old). I was at a point in my life where I felt I was probably going to not have one of my own, and that maybe one would “find me” through adoption or foster care. I have a great job, benefits, enjoy traveling, all that I was ready to continue doing on my own.

tries to take the spade out of @jca ‘s hands before she digs a bigger hole for herself

@cazzie: Thanks but I’m done with arguing. It’s my opinion and I’m stickin’ to it! :)

The rest of us are sticking to ours, too.

that’s great!

<———skips off into a field of daisies.

(rolls around purring)

Couldn’t the desire to have children be seen both ways; selfish to have them and selfish if you don’t? It is not like a child had a say on being born, so he/she comes to this world at the desire of the parents; or a parent when it comes to single mothers and sperm banks. That need to give or to love something other than that with 4 legs and fur could be seen as selfish because more so the child is there to suit a parent’s need.

Likewise not having a children can be seen as selfish because the perspective parent don’t want anyone, (especially one that poops all the time, need to be fed and watched, and causes you to lose sleep), cramping their style. They want to be free to come and go as much as their job or employment commitment will allow. To be out for one’s self and one’s own interest can be seen as selfish because they don’t want to share of their life with a child or give quarter.

I like your answer @Hypocrisy_Central. Isn’t everything a person does selfish? Honestly. Even if you are doing something to help someone else, you do it because it makes you feel good. Nothing wrong with that.

And for all the people thinking it’s selfish and no good to have children, who is going to provide the services that you need when you are elderly?

The children of those you called selfish. :P