Imagine the Seals got hold of Bin Laden's diary...

May 2, 2011:

“I am sitting here with my family. Our internet still hasn’t arrived and I’m really itching to post a question on Fluther. I’m getting really bored and my wife is annoying the crap out of me. Just kill me no

“I really hope my ‘courier’ remembers to bring the new issue of Barely Legal Arabs this week.”

“They’re closing in on me. But I’m okay with this. At least I will get my ten foot cock and few hundred virgins!”

“Osama Bin Laden’s Journal from Exhile; April 15, 201…. Ahmed forgot the twinkies again on his latest trip to the market. If this continues I may have to declare a Jihad on him. My beard is beginning to chafe my stomach, and if I have to watch another re-run of friends on dvd I’m going to lose my mind. My cat, Constable Fuzzy Feet, has still not returned from his reconnaissance mission. I am expecting the worst….”

I thought they did get it!

@tedd I may have to declare a Jihad on him.

LOL.

I would like it to be known that if I die, DO NOT BURY MY BODY AT SEA! I REPEAT, DO NOT BURY MY BODY AT SEA! I AM SCARED OF DROWNING!

Dear Diary. I have buried the real Osama behind the house under a pile of rocks.
It is only a matter of time…
...before the animals get to him…
and me.

“I have paid the U.S. military to cover up my death. They will come in to my home and pretend to shoot me in the head. I have multiple ketchup packets ready.”

“Placed order for new wife in Taliban Sluts : the local off licence. My bride must be a big fat wide person (ideal for use as a human shield) have an undying sense of loyalty coupled with a great sense of humour. Would prefer a redhead but i’m not fussy. Come on dollface, it’ll be a blast!!”

Final day entry : “Read horoscope this morning in Abbottabad Times, says i’m going to have a few old friends drop in. Apparently they arrive by helicopter, must be my old friend Donald Trump. I can also expect an encounter with a group of seals. Funny, I didn’t plan on visiting the zoo!” Thought for the day…...Have fun or die trying.

My mistake, the news calls some papers the seals found his terror diary.

“Oh f*** the Celtics aren’t going to make it past the quarter-finals.”

have just been sniggering quietly at work over the diaries “found” by the Guardian

“My real name is Obama sin Laden.”