Something, or someone on fluther annoys you - do you ask a question or bite your tongue?

I usually bite my tongue. If the annoyance is very bad, I ignore the person in threads, and I ignore their questions.+

I split about 50 – 50, but usually regret the opening of the mouth more than the biting of the tongue.

What have I done to YOU!

I just ignore.

Someone got annoyed with me one time because I didn’t agree with them and they went off a few minutes later and asked a question indirectly aimed at me and the situation like a little whiny baby.

Bite your tongue and let it go.

It depends on the day I’m having. I’ve really been trying to bite my tongue more often recently, but sometimes I just can’t seem to stop myself from speaking up.

I’d probably just bite my tongue if that ever happened to me. A Lithp can thound tho thexy!

I usually just stand up to the people that rub me the wrong way. There are only one or two that do it habitually, and I’m not going to make a big deal out of it… I just let it be known that I’m not taking their shit.

I ask a question. It’s a Q & A site after all.

I laugh and have a mean-spirited, pointless gossip session about it with someone I really like then get-the-fuck-over-it.

What Blueroses said.

I have done it. What a waste of time. I won’t be bothered again.

Sometimes it is of great value to ask a question though. One can get an incorrect impression of what one is saying and asking the question clarifies the misconception. Occasionally, if the conversation remains civil, the parties can find and respect common ground on a tricky issue. I’ve found this to be most prevalent during religious or political discussions on here. While many shun these types of discussions, I’ve learned a hell of a lot from many people on here about the underlying principles of the viewpoint. I’ve seen others soften their formerly hard-lined stance in light of information they did not have previous to the discussion.

Kind of depends on who you’re talking to though. I’ve learned a lot from rarebear, ETpro, mattbrowne, qingu, iamthemob, jerv, jaxk, laureth, jleslie, and crisw, to name a few. Challenge their beliefs and they will back them up rationally.

I usually just PM everybody I know to gather a mob together to go to the offender’s house and smear…stuff…all over their windows.

I ask myself, ‘Why is this annoying me?’ When I figure that out, I either let it go, or avoid getting involved with the annoying person. They don’t know or care. I see no point in making nasty remarks. Sometimes I have asked questions, but I don’t think it does much good.

@Jude me too :/

My new rule for myself and Fluthering:

Do not Fluther while emotional. You will not get the support you are hoping for. Instead, talk to real life friends or stick to pm’s with those who usually have your back.

I’d say that about 60% percent of the time, I try to give a thoughtful and equanimous reply to whatever f__n good-as-dead a***ole dares to annoy me! ;-)

Could someone give me an example of this behavior? Is like aiming a question at someone to prove them wrong or something?

@zen is this your way of biting your tongue?

and for the record, @ucme is one of my favorites on this site, I was just taking the piss out of him.

I do as @marinelife does: I let the person become invisible to me. I won’t read their questions, won’t read their posts, and never address them directly.

If someone just writes a really irritating post without actually being shuffled off to nonexistent status, I usually abandon the thread at that point so I don’t have to look at it again and I stop wanting to answer it. Sometimes I have to wrench myself away after writing a response and then deleting it. But usually once I leave, the urge to answer fades in seconds. (I wish more people would try this.)

Once in a great while I do snap back with something. I think it’s safe to say that I have regretted 100% of those replies. But I have never written one of those pointed questions that ask for justification and beg flutherfolk to take sides. (@wundayatta, I think he is talking about questions of this sort, usually in Meta: “Should people be allowed to mock other people’s sincere comments on Fluther?” and “What do you think of people who attack others verbally in a thread?” and “Can I get someone to leave me alone on Fluther?” These are transparent airings of personal complaints between members.)

Oh, @Jeruba , you’re a much better person than I am. When I see those Qs I wade in and reprimand the crap out of the OP. Those Qs bring out the bossy old bird me and I can’t seem to help myself. <hanging head in shame>

I doubt that, @JilltheTooth. I just don’t like to buy into the attention-seeking clamor, especially knowing that my comment will not make any difference or change anyone’s behavior and will just get me exercised. I don’t come here to lose my temper. Some people love to take umbrage and enjoy the hell out of the flap they cause, but I’d rather do here what I find so difficult in real life and just let it pass as if it didn’t happen. It’s good serenity practice.

“Bite my tongue”. Except for that one question I asked about giving people credit for their posts.

@JilltheTooth now I fear the tooth enough not to provoke the rising of the teeth! lol

@Jeruba Agree, nice serenity practice indeed. I have a friend though who does not Fluther and his serenity practice involves passing the bong.

@mazingerz88 : Thank you! I feel taller now!
@Jeruba ; I do appreciate the “walk away” factor, and employ it often! Then I call KatawaGrey and bitch… ;-)

I have never asked a question in order to vent my frustration at a particular jelly or a particular question. I let it go. Since it’s the Internet and relatively anonymous, I find that it’s easy to distance myself from the words on the screen. I don’t know why, but I find it liberating to release myself from the more contentious questions and threads. I simply ignore them.

That being said, I have asked a few questions on here that started some heated discussion. This has surprised me every time. I don’t ask questions to be argumentative. I’ll never forget that I got involved in a thread about art of all things that was angry at times. It’s impossible, I’ve learned, to guess what is going to draw out differing opinions.

I usually bite my tongue. But, there are a few moments where I just can’t. Today being one of them, heh. Do I usually regret doing so? Certainly ..lol. Alas, I’m only human.

I have not, and never would, ask a question aimed at another jelly. I come here for intelligent Q&A and friendly banter.

I just had to flag my own post on another thread. Seriously, guys, somebody stuff a virtual sock in my mouth!

@JilltheTooth…maybe we enjoy those posts ..I’m going to go hide all the virtual socks now ..

I tell them abruptly that they are an annoyance. I let them know not to talk to me. I don’t dance around things like that.

For God’s sake, @PluckyDog , don’t encourage me! ;-)

I figure out why they annoy me, attack that cognitively – let them know of it in a nice way especially if it could be useful feedback. And move on. I would not ignore them, because I could miss out on useful info, just because they annoyed me once doesn’t mean they’ll always annoy me.

Although some people tend to repeat errors in their thinking, you get used to it and know what their best side is – so stick to that side. Avoid that which is not useful.

I have asked on occasion as even with people I know well, simple text is easy to misunderstand the true intention of the words as written. I have been both pleasantly surprised and opened many a can-o-worms too!. All in all…LITS to let minor details derail the fun train I ride!

@JilltheTooth Which one did you flag? I want to see it before it’s deleted!

Here’s why I don’t automatically go for telling people that they annoy me: I don’t happen to be one who believes that I’m entitled to a life free of all annoyance and offense. If something pushes my button, it’s not up to others to change their behavior in order to spare me a single moment of discomfort in my life. It’s up to me to examine the buttons and why I’m letting them get pushed.

If somebody deliberately sets out to harm me, that’s one thing. But if somebody is just doing his or her own thing, such as stating an opinion, they don’t owe me protection from any adverse reaction. I am grown up enough not to be astonished by the realization that people’s opinions differ and that it is usually not personal. I stopped thinking that anybody who’s smart will naturally agree with me when I was about 12 or 13.

People who do seem to think that every annoyance they experience ought to be repaid by a counterattack invariably annoy me.

holy shit, @Jeruba , that’s a good answer.

Fluther annoys me at times. I annoy Fluther at times.

No hard typing, angry questions, it all comes out in the wash.

asking a question to prove a pissy point is what the ancient greeks referred to as “a bitch move”

@Blondesjon A man calumniated is doubly injured – first by him who delivers the bitch move, and then by him who believes it.
-Herodotus

Just want to say publicly that I love @Jeruba (sigh.)

I used to get more involved in the drama around here; now I enjoy observing things but stay more emotionally at a distance. I might disagree with someone in a thread but I would never post an attack or self-justifying question.

I humbly admit that I asked a question about another member’s behavior once, long before I was a mod. It was my only question that was ever completely removed, never to return. It was a train-wreck/bitch-move/shit-storm, and very bad form. I learned a lot from that experience, and have never been tempted again.

I’ve never asked a question in regards to something or someone that may have annoyed me in the hopes to rile up an army. While I may have lashed out at people at times, mostly I just ignore it.

Well @zen I think the best way is to rise above the annoyance and try not to let it get to you. I hope whatever it is has passed now anyway and you are feeling less irritated.

@Jeruba in English please/the Hobbit is great for children. I’m leaving this thread in a hissyfit!

In Crocodile Dundee there’s scene (paraphrasing here) where someone confides in Dundee. As they walk towards the pub, the friend asks Dundee to keep the secret to himself.

They enter the pub, Dundee announces he has something to say and proceeds to tell everyone in the pub the secret. When his startled friend asks him why he did that, Dundee says something like: now it’s not your problem, it’s everyone’s problem.

Thanks jellies, I feel better just having your posts in my thread.
Even that little personal attack removed.

Fuck you does it for me, too.

Hey filmbuddy, I wanted to ask a question but I am finito: our asshole neighbour insists on parking his car in front of our driveway – literally blocking the exit. It’s illegal, and worse than annoying. He’ll move it when asked – and has a lame excuse everytime.

What would be your course of action?

Ask him nice twice, then tow the fucker.

@zen Blow that fuckin’ shit up lol.

LOL

Lay down a couple of boards with nails sticking out of them. One or two flat tires and he’ll knock it off.

And call the police on me.

I learned a long time ago that people that get under your skin want to start shit. I ignore them, it drives them nuts. I get a few shitty PM’s from assholes here. I can sense their anger rise while I ignore them and drink a cold PBR.

@zen ask him to move it at 3 am a few times…problem solved.

I would probably be more likely to walk away from Fluther and/or have a bitch-fest with someone (non-publicly). That’s not to say that I haven’t ever vented about my own particular Fluther issues via a question in the past, but not very often.. I’m usually able to be rational and well-behaved, but sometimes I get super hormonal and delusional and I can’t help myself.

One thing I’ve learned in life is that sometimes silence and/or non-reaction is the best weapon in your arsenal. After a lifetime of being bullied and the subsequent reflecting on what I should have done, I’ve realized that being a stone cold bad-ass and letting that shit bounce off you is the best method of revenge. And maybe it’s an act in the moment and you walk away to go scream in your closet, but it’s effective. People want to get a reaction or a rise out of you and they find it rather dissatisfying to be robbed of the pleasure.

Really, I can think of some other embarrassingly inappropriate and maudlin questions I’ve asked, particularly when drunk and a bit weepy, but we don’t need to talk about those..

@MissAnthrope : Now I’m curious… ;-)

I always say my peace. Timing it is key.
Just like what @MissAnthrope stated in that sometimes biting your tongue and not saying anything is a great way to sit back and look for clues or reactions.
Timing is everything.

@JilltheTooth – Hormones + alcohol = not pretty.

@MissAnthrope : But amusing, I would bet!

@JilltheTooth – Perhaps in hindsight, but definitely not at the time. :P