Yesterday man…I’m in my kitchen. I hear a sound…some sort of whirl/buzzing sound. At first I thought that my refrigerator was fucking up…I turn my sight into its direction. By the floor, I see this huge ass motherfucker bumblebee just cruisn’ around. I did not want that in my place, it would have probably taken off with one of my cats.
I grab the fly swatter and go after it. That mother had lightning quick reflexes though…he dodged all my swipes. It flew around, me chasing it like an apprentice. Then it went up by the ceiling light, and I started swatting at it, hitting all the small on/off chains and stuff.
Then the insect became angry. I swear man…he came right for me LIKE A BOSS. I see this black dot heading right for my face, getting bigger and bigger. He was no longer fucking around. Okay so I’m being all epic and dramatic here, but I’m convinced he was coming to take care of me.
It was an accident. As he was about to smack me on the forehead and sting me in the eyes, I ducked and twirled at the same time, blindly flailing my flyswatter. Then the buzzing sound stopped. I had him. He was on the ground by the back porch door, twitching. I scooped him up with the flyswatter and put him outside on the porch.
Some hours later, my roomie came home, and I told her the story. I showed her the bumblebee, to prove to her how abnormally fucking big it was. She kneels down and checks him out, and she says…it’s still twitching. I look, and she was not mistaken. His stinger was still going in and out of the abdomen, and the legs still twitching around, seemingly trying to get back on all six.
It wasn’t dead. Hours later after the fatal blow, and that boss was still fighting for his life.
Not only did he fucking come right at me, but he was still struggling hours after I totally fucked him up. He would have came back for me if he could.
That bumblebee was hardcore. I respect him. Many insects are very resilient, but damn…this one…even that bat last year wasn’t that badass.