How do you tell someone that you did not pick them to be in your bridal party?

Tell them that, on your wedding day, you want to be the prettiest one up there.
They will know it’s a lie.
Then, tell them the truth. They are your friends, and should understand.

Tell them you put their names in a hat, and they were the two that didn’t get picked.

Why do you have to tell them anything? You ask the people who will be in your wedding party to be in the wedding party, the others are guests. No explanation should be necessary. I would never be upset if I was not asked by a friend. Hell, saves me money on the dress I will never wear again. I made it easy at my wedding and only family was up there with me, and they wore whatever they wanted, everyone wound up wearing black, so that worked out.

They may not be so disappointed. Sometimes its nice just going to a wedding of a friend and enjoying yourself without being a part of it and all the details you have to take care of before the wedding. Plus most bridesmaids end up with a dress they really not rather have and if they have a husband or boyfriend they get partnered with guys they don’t know and don’t get to enjoy the evening much with their own partners.
Tell them the truth. You could only pick 2 out of the four and the choice was hard but it doesn’t mean that they are any less important to you.

They are probably aware of the fact that you are closer to the other two and will understand. I actually wouldn’t bring it up unless they said something or seemed hurt.

Oh, and your lie sounds like too much information. All that explaining will sound like a lie. A classic tell is liars answer questions that were never asked. You can have the lie ready I guess, but don’t go overexplaining and blurting it all out.

By telling them privately who has been chosen as your limited number of bridesmaids and asking them to take on another role in your wedding, any good friend will accept the news. Your idea of offering up another role in their participation of the ceremony is on target.

A dear friend of mine did not choose me to be a part of her bridal party, but she and her husband approached me during the reception and asked me to sign as a witness to their ceremony on their marriage certificate. That meant more to me than had I been asked to be a bridesmaid.

If they don’t question you about it, there’s no need to explain anything. If by chance they do come to you and ask why they weren’t chosen, lie. But don’t go into crazy details. That makes you look guilty. Do something simple. Say you wanted to keep it small so you put your friends names in a hat and picked two. Don’t stress yourself out about this small little situation. From the sounds of it, there really isn’t a “situation” yet anyway. Trust me, there will be plenty more obstacles throughout your wedding journey. This will seem tiny in comparison.

If they seem really bummed out about not participating, you could ask them to do something smaller, like maybe handle the guest book or do your hair (depending on how big/formal this shindig is going to be) or help you handle the registry.

Could they each give a reading? A special poem or two is always nice to have in the program.

Don’t tell them anything unless they ask. You could tell them that you wanted to limit the number of bridesmaids to avoid it looking like a three-ring circus, and then find another thing for them to do – readings during service, manage guest book, programs at the back of the church, coordinate florist. Pick specific tasks, and when you order flowers for the wedding party, order corsages for them.

I personally find more than a maid of honor and best man to be overkill.

Honestly, I don’t know why people find it such an honor to be a bridesmaid. You can’t wear something that you pick personally, you wear something that the bride picks in a color she picks that may or may not flatter you. You have to pay for the bridal shower. You have to go for all these pain in the butt fittings, you have to be present for the photos during the cocktail hour when everyone else is enjoying food and drinking. I wouldn’t find it an insult, I would be grateful to not have to go through the hassle.

@jca I turned it down at a close friends wedding, because the expense was difficult for me at the time. She asked her mom to pay for my dress and her mom said no. I think it is an awful custom to ask people to pay for a dress they will never wear again. My husband has worn a dark suit for formal events, not renting a tux.

@JLeslie I grew up thinking that of course the bride and groom would pay for the bridesmaid dresses, because they were part of the wedding, and the bride and groom paid for the wedding. I was kind of horrified when I found out that isn’t the custom.

@MyNewtBoobs I had never thought to not have all matching dresses, but my husband was horrified also to ask anyone to buy anything for our wedding. So, we did it the way his family does it, maybe all of Mexico? And, let everyone where whatever they wanted. It was just family under my chuppah including my grandma who was in a tiger fabric dress, and she looked great! She can pull of anything. It was my parents, his parents, his brother and sister and her husband, and my sister. Both my parents walked me down the aisle, and both of his walked him. The men did wear tuxes, and the women were in semi-formal dresses. I don’t think anyone even notices that people were not matchy matchy. Only once did someone notice, or once someone commented that my sister and SIL did not have matching dresses, and thought it was great.

I have a cousin who picked out amazing dresses for her sister and friends who stood up with her, they were like $500 each. She paid $400 of the $500, and they really were dresses you could wear again, if it was your style. Easily where it to another wedding or formal party, really stunning, with tasteful beeding.

@JLeslie: I had a friend who got married about 15 years ago and it was a “shotgun wedding” so to make things move quickly, she just picked some friends and told us just to have a floor length black dress (any style we wanted) so I have a friend who is an excellent seamstress and she made me a dress (the cost of fabric including fancy buttons $95 – surprisingly not much cheaper than I could buy something on clearance at Lord and Taylor but it was custom made) and it was such a nice way to “keep it simple.”

I remember, though, when the cocktail hour came and I got myself a drink and I was going to eat the cocktail hour food, which I think is much better than the wedding food, and the photog came to me and said “we’re taking pictures upstairs,” and I had to leave the food and it was so annoying. I was thinking how much nicer to just be a regular guest.

@JLeslie I think I would be ok with it if they were nice dresses that I would wear again. It’s the idea of making someone pay for an expensive dress they’ll only ever wear because one day, I made them that really bothers me.

@MyNewtBoobs But, even so, if any of those women hate to wear a bead on their dress, even those $500 dresses would be a waste after the wedding.