What's different when you start living together?

I started looking after his autistic son full time and became his cleaning lady. I didn’t realise just how eager and willing he was to dump all his responsibilities onto me so he could keep travelling and going out when ever he wanted. That came as quite a surprise.

Living together cause you to look at your limitations rather than your opportunities…....

Well I wasn’t allowed to bring car parts into the house anymore & clean them over the drainer! :-/
She even put curtains up & put cushions everywhere & I had to take my boots off when I came home from work too…… still I guess she did instil some domesticity in me, I’m really quite tidy these days considering we went our separate ways ……. :-/
What’s the problem with the smell of engine oil anyway?? I never could figure that out! :-/

I never had to deal with such a thing yet. I’m going to assume that one major difference would be the fact that they don’t go home, and therefore, happen to be in your face 24/7. hehe…..

Oh only everything! I see it as a kind of “warts & all” expose of yourself, your partner & each others little nuances. “Yes love, I fart in the bath & play with me balls when watching the telly!” Can be quite an eye opener actually.

Very little was different. The only thing I can think of was Momentarily it seemed my husband was a little discombulated having to make space for me. Also, I learned just how careful he is caring for his things, which is good and bad at the same time. Here is a question I asked a while back you might be interested in, it discussed whether people went through adjustments when they moved in with their SO’s, but it is not an identical question to what you have asked.

Sometimes she’s naked and I didn’t even have to bring flowers.

Well, my situation is more of a temporary thing, but I’m just exposed to his behavioral quirks more often. He’s younger than me and it’s become more obvious since I’ve moved in. Other than that he’s pretty much the same. He cleans up after himself and he’s always doing work so it was basically the same as not living with him.

The biggest positive was that we RELAXED. Both of us are high anxiety, fuss budgets and living together brought us down a few notches, gave us some warm fuzzy security and opened us up to start planning a bit longer term than a few days or weeks at a time.

We were both surprised how comfortable it was to make a “home” but we chalked it up to both being by nature happiest when partnered.

The greatest non fun thing has been discovering our differences of confront/argue/resolve. His style was to clam up and stew whereas I would blow up, expect to have instant feedback/resolution. It took a few go rounds for us to come up with a style of addressing that doesn’t assault or avoid but we had to point it out to each other and make it happen. Sometimes it feels like a skit but it works.

@Neizvestnaya that’s a lovely and excellent description!

You find out what each other are like in all your moods, not just “on” for together time.
If you haven’t seen it already you’ll probably find out what your other is like angry and what can prompt it. And tired and cranky and bubbly and creative and dull and smart and dishevelled and beautiful and messy and neat and absent-minded and organized.
And you’ll have a chance to find out the same stuff about yourself in ways you hadn’t noticed before.
You’ll find out the power of patience and intention and respect and trust, especially trust, in mundane and fundamental ways you can’t get outside a diad.
In short that’s exactly why you moved in together ! mazel tov !

@dabbler: Thank you :) we’re a gettin married now.

At first I went into panic mode. He left socks under the coffee table, dirty dishes on the counter instead of in the sink, and kicked off his sneakers to the side of the door instead of placing them in my neat little line up. After about a month of stressing over these things, and nagging almost daily, I realized something. What the hell is the big deal if my house isn’t spotless all the time?! It’s not the end of the world. And you know what? Once I stopped being so controlling and anal about silly little things, I felt 100 times better. Not to mention, when I stopped nagging him, he started picking up after himself and helping out around the house all on his own. Imagine that! Ever since he’s moved in, I’ve become a lighter, more easy going version of myself. Life is too short to be so serious. He really balanced out my lifestyle. I have no complaints :)