If your family was meant to be planning an overseas vacation with children involved, how late would you accept a time plan and booking?

I think you need to get to the bottom of why the S/O dragging their feet fist. IMO, ultimatums won’t help you solve that problem.

Well, in this scenario… let’s just say the reason isn’t really important. When would you tell them, ‘Forget it. I’m going to stop trying to plan anything, so don’t come to me tomorrow and say things are sorted out, I’m not going to go now anyway.’

Pick a deadline about 5–6 weeks away from the vacation date. If they can’t commit, tell them that’s too bad and that you’re just going to take someone else. If they want to book last minute flights at a higher cost let them pay for that themselves, but everyone else involved should go on planning without them.

I was thinking four to five months. My favorite place, if I don’t book that far ahead I’m screwed.

I would never say that (Forget it. I’m going to stop trying to plan anything, so don’t come to me tomorrow and say things are sorted out, I’m not going to go now anyway.). I’d use some other mechanism for dealing with the problem. Perhaps the one that @Cruiser suggested.

The reason is completely irrelevant. Just say…. Just say you’ve tried to make plans, because your work has to be told when you’re going and coming back and other people have to be organised for when you’re away. Plans have to be made for when you get there because you know he’ll go off and do his thing and you and the kid (or kids) will have to fill your days (and nights) with things. Then, there is family to visit you’re trying to organise and the logistics of that and they are getting sick of hearing… ‘Um… well…’.

As someone that has had lots of experience planning things when her husband couldn’t really pin down dates, I just do it. If things have to change, we deal with it when the time comes. Once we agree that we want to do something, I make the arrangements. I always get refundable tickets just in case we need to change our plans.

I have always had this approach to this situation. First, I make arrangements at my work. Second, it’s my time and my money that is going to be spent. I set a date and let everyone else work that date into their bookings.

Take the bull by the horns and charge forward.

6mos. in advance to have everything wrapped up. Work needs notification and then permission given for days off, I would need flights, lodging, car rental etc. budgeted for and paid for up front (preferably).

Maybe they are passive aggressively letting you know they really don’t WANT to go?

I’d just speak up and be clear and direct ” I need to know, no later than x..or I will be booking our flights without you.” Done. If they want to be pissy about it, well…that’s there problem.

Everything has an expiration date, including being patient with slow pokes. haha

Looks like I have to have everything ready with somewhat less time than I expected… at least it will suit the house sitter better. So glad to be put out of my misery.