How strict are you with your children at a restaurant?

At 11 the child should know how to behave when out at a restaurant. If they don’t, hire a babysitter. When my children were toddlers and acted up, one of us would take them to the car while the rest of us finished our meal.

Horror story- Our extended family went out to eat at a Chinese Buffet for a family reunion. My son and my sister decided to make a concoction of condiments when everyone was done eating. Ketchup, soy sauce, hot mustard, you name it. My mother, having grown up during the depression, wasn’t thrilled with this. She made my son (age 11 at the time) eat the concoction that was my sister’s idea (age 40+). Needless to say, I wasn’t happy with my mom.

I am pretty strict about behaving well when we are out. It is only fair to other people who are also at the restaurant.

So often though I see parents (and I am not for a second suggesting you did this @wundayatta)!! sitting enjoying their meal or having a drink, while their kids run around like sugar crazed maniacs annoying everyone else and the parents just ignore it. Makes me quite cranky! Stepping down from soap box now.

When my son, who was about 8, was behaving badly at a restaurant, we got up, paid the bill and took him home. He hasn’t done that since.

You know though, there is no age limit for badly behaved children. We were in a quite expensive restaurant and there was a couple and their daughter who must have been about 30 at the next table. She was drunk and awful. I felt so, so sorry for the couple who were doing their best to appease her and calm her down. My dad would have got up and left me there and I would have deserved it.

We didn’t tolerate bad manners at the table at home, so there was never a problem when we went out. There was a difference between eating in the kitchen by yourself, and eating with others. Teaching your children how to behave out in public is a kindness to them, as bad manners are embarrassing to the person. Having to correct your children out in public is embarrassing as a parent. My children tease me about the expectations I have—napkin on the lap, elbows off the table, put your fork down between bites, break bread into bite-sized pieces before you butter it, asking to be excused from the table, etc. The only time table manners were not expected was if you were eating in the kitchen, by yourself or at a fast food restaurant.

You need to make sure you exhibit good manners yourself, and what you are expecting your child to emulate is consistent. This is a “reap what you sow” kind of thing.

We took ours to nice restaurants starting at age 5, and never had to correct them. They were generally complimented by strangers, and we let them know that we were proud of them for behaving so well. Being annoying to others around you was considered a horrible disappointment, and if someone other than us had to correct your behavior, that was the worst. However, that never happened.

We were very lucky. Our kids always behaved well. Honest! We took them out to sit down restaurants as practice when they were very young.
Call us prudes but we avoided noise fests like Chucky Cheeses and McD with playgrounds.
They learned that the primary purpose of going out to dinner with people is to visit with your fellow diners, learn and observe how nice food is prepared and served, and finally eat. The lessons stuck. Whew. Otherwise I would have used a cattle-prod on them.

My kids are generally well behaved, but every now and then I have to remind my oldest that they can’t always have what they want.

Unruly children are only taken to family style restaurants, where there are activities for active children. At the rare visit to fancier places, someone takes the unruly child outside and walks around until they agree to behave.

I wouldn’t stand for this at all, at 11 he should know how to act at a restaurant. I would set with him my expectations on how to behave at the restaurant the next time you know you are going to dinner. Let him know that none of it would be tolerated and if he decided to act up that next time you go to dinner that he would not be coming with the family and would have to stay home. I would then stick to my guns and not tolerate anything and if he did act up I would follow through and have him stay home the next time you went. He will get it eventually especially if he has to stay home. Kids need to know expectations and consequences if they don’t follow the expectations. This is something that has served me me well has both a aunt to my neices and nephew whom are grown now and my young children that I have currently.

My wife and I did (do) it exactly as @worriedguy explains.

We’ve always taken my daughter to only “real” restaurants (nothing that involves games or cardboard pizza) and taught her how to behave along the way. We tried to make it fun (“this little guy is the salad fork”) and she’s always been really good.

On the couple of occasions she became too fussy, we simply removed her from the restaurant swiftly. It’s unfair to the other diners otherwise.

it starts when they are little, i always told my kids what was expected of them and how to behave, each time we went out, it worked, people used to say how lucky i was ,i could take my kids anywhere ,it wasn’t luck. it was training.eleven can be an awkward age, have a chat before leaving home ,discuss options ,and come to an agreement re his behaviour.good luck.

They are forbidden to sample from the tables next to us.

@Cruiser Can I sample from your dinner??

They are all grown up now but I don’t recall any special problems with them. When I was little, I was very antsy and wanted to get up from the table asap. I think the important thing is to eat politely and ask to be excused. 11 is a tough age to make sit still at a table once he has finished eating. If he sits nicely, eats politely, then asks to be excused – you’re good.

children should never be taken to a restaurant or any public place till they are able to behave themselves. mine knows if they act up, become rude, or any unacceptable behavior will get them removed immediately, even if we are in the middle of eating or even if the food has not come yet. We only had to leave one time to make this point.

there is no excuse for bad behavior in public

@DrBill, in that case, there are plenty of 50 year old men who should never be taken out in public. I’m talking about the ones that sit at the table fiddling with their iPhones, and ignoring the conversation of the people they are with. This type of person generally had parents that taught them decent manners, but have somehow derived “bored” as an excuse for “rude.”

Table manners have to be actively taught. I think too often people assume because they have decent manners, their children are going to learn them by osmosis. Children raised where good manners are expected on holiday, but it’s okay to bring a book, magazine, Nintendo or iPod to the table, are going to have a tough time. Kids who generally eat dinner in the back seat of the car, on the way to and from various practices are going to have a tough time. Kids who sit down to dinner and their parents either fight at the table, or criticize the children are going to have a tough time.

I think there’s a lot of parents out there who owe their children an apology for not teaching them better manners, and not using the manners that they have or expect when they are with their families. Perhaps correction for older kids needs to start with an apology from the parents, and better modelling. Fresh from brunch, where this was going on at the table next to me—two women gossiping, daughter with iPod, dad doing something with his Blackberry, son whining can we go? Mom, finally asked dad to say something about his whining, and dad looked at the kid’s plate and said, “Is that all you’re going to eat? That cost me $17. Clean your plate.” Mom gives dad a dirty look, hands the son a handheld game, and told him to be still, she wasn’t ready to go yet. So it ended up two women gossiping, everyone else plugged into something electronic.

”it starts when they are little”

”it wasn’t luck. it was training”

@roxanna: Bingo and bingo. That’s exactly it.

Now with all this being said, I have met some kids with wonderfully diligent parents who simply cannot go out in public (movies, restaurants, etc.)

Perhaps it’s ADHD or something similar, or they’re simply not built that way.

My daughter allows her son to walk around a restaurant, running his toy car over anything.
He is 4 years old, and it drives me nuts. I can’t imagine such behavior from an 11 or 12 year old.

I grew up being taught all along the way how to behave in public places and assume everyone else has been too. At 11yrs old then I’d tell him you were pretty sure he’d gotten down the basics and you can only sum up his behavior as him deliberately wanting to undermine the experience for the rest of you. Annoy him back with questions about why he’s doing what he’s doing to the point he never wants to do those things again. Make sure you interrogate him while he’s in the car with you and can’t get away.~

@cprevite Sure thing! Help yourself to my oatmeal fondue! ;) XD