How would you define "emotional infidelity"?

If you’re purposely, consciously hiding things about yourself (be they emotional or other deep-seated things and feelings you have) from your spouse to share exclusively with your special friend in the manner you did when you were getting to know your spouse/SO, that is emotional infidelity to me.

Your SO is supposed to be one of your best friends. If you can’t share emotional intimacy with them or tell the truth about yourself to them, a person who is supposed to at least try to understand you the most, then what’s the point of being with that SO?

Flirting and communicating with the opposite sex on the internet without the S/O’s knowledge or consent IMO really is crossing the line. Plus meeting in person without the S/O’s knowledge or consent IMO is pretty much cheating. If you have made a commitment to be with that person as in your S/O….stick to your promises or let them know it is time to move on. It is the right thing to do.

I think that saying that you can’t “share” things with others who are not your S/O, you are severely limiting your potential as a human living in society. Just b/c you are committed to one person who you love, does not mean that now you should set artificial limits on the potential for other relationships! Personally, that just sounds ignorant and unimaginable.

If you are “hiding” it, it’s probably not good for one person or the other in the relationship, b/c hiding insinuates that it’s crossing someones border of acceptability. And that is a different story.

If your relationship with another person entails an emotional dependence on that person that excludes your SO. You have a friendship with someone at work who has the same interests as you, say opera, or philosophy. You start eating lunch every day with this person, then begin dropping by their house or meeting them for coffee, without telling your spouse where you’re going. Your spouse knows you are friends, and likes the other person. Nothing physical ever happens with this other person. You begin talking to this person about your marriage, your children, and they give you advice that is contrary to your spouse’s take on situations. Rather than talking to your spouse, you begin having those conversations with this other person, who validates your perspective without ever hearing the 360 on the situation. The bond with this person then affects your bonds with your spouse and children. You rationalize that they have the problem because nothing physical has happened with this person.

Office Spouses
Sex Texting
Sexual web cam’ing
Sex chat rooms/lines
Obsessive/secretive porn watching
Strip clubs in secret

Basically, emotional infidelity is sharing with others things your SO believes are just between you two and also any activity that takes away mental or physical energy/time your SO believes should be spent with them.

Examples are people who are obsessed with porn and masturbation to where they either prefer that to interacting with their SO or they have no energy or drive when it comes to those activities with their SO. Sorry honey, I’m not in the mood because I jerked myself off several times before noon, stopped in for a lap dance at the strip joint after work and got a hand job in the parking lot as I left. That sort of thing.

Neizvestnaya A lot or most of what you said I would define as sexual infidelity not emotional.

@Earthgirl: I feel the same but most people I’ve talked to feel there has to be intercourse involved in ordered to accept they have truly been unfaithful. Lots of broken hearts out there because people won’t agree up front what’s acceptable.

@Neizvestnaya Office Spouse.

I have never heard this term.

Which parking lot?

@FutureMemory: Office Spouse is the person you look to for emotional support, sharing confidences, assurances. This is the person you take lunches with, hang out with after work, share gripes about your SO/family with. This is the person you look forward to seeing when you leave home and the person you wonder would make the perfect SO/spouse if you weren’t already “taken”. This is the person so many people end up having a full blown affair with.

If you are thinking of someone outside your relationship a lot, planning things to do with them, looking forward to telling them things, taking energy away from your relationship, then you are being emotionally unfaithful.

Being in a commited relationship but sharing your heart,love and time with someone else. Giving that outsider access to your fears,frustrations and allowing wanting them to comfort or help solve them. Meanwhile disregarding the thoughts and oppinions of the person who loves,cares and is commited to you.