Is breaking up on voicemail that deplorable?

If he was avoiding you to prevent the breakup, you have every right to break up with him over voicemail.

Yes it could be deplorable but you seem to have a good reason and it excuses you totally. I hope down the line you could meet and part ways without too much animosity between the two of you.

No…breaking up by PM’s is worse. So dramatic and impersonal ;)

I think that your route of action was completely reasonable given the circumstances.

I think it is pretty awful, although @Cruiser makes an excellent point – there are worse ways. How much would it have hurt if you waited until he stopped avoiding you and let him know when you were finally able to speak directly to him?

Breaking up that way was pretty bad. The only way it could’ve been worse is if you had sent a message via a friend.
I agree with @SuperMouse, could this have not waited until you actually talked to him?

It could have, but seeing as he refused to talk to me at all it wasn’t even clear when I might have seen him. It took a very long time to finally decide to get out of a relationship dying a slow death. Waiting longer would have just made it more painful. If he can’t muster the care to call me back to find out what was wrong or even talk why should I keep putting myself through that? The way it happened wasn’t my first choice. Maybe how I did it was awful. I give up =(

If he wasn’t taking your calls, the relationship was over anyways. Don’t beat yourself up over it or allow yourself to be manipulated. If he had called you back or came over, you would have done it in person. If he shows up or calls you, you can still reiterate the message.

Exactly!! As soon as he got the inclination of what might happen, he just disappeared off the map. I have heard nothing since. Its really rather strange.

Is there any good way to end a relationship? I’ve had relationships ended by waiting for me to leave college and then sending me a letter. I’ve come back from a trip to meet someone and heard only silence. Nothing bu silence. I’ve been in a situation where we kind of agreed to take a break and the break never ended. I’ve been in situations where I’ve just shoved people away, attacking them and telling them horrible things, just so they would dump me, even though that was actually the last thing I wanted.

So I’d say that of ways to break up, yours is pretty benigh.

Needless to say, we live in an electronics world of information.

I would never have left just a message to a person that I was dumping. Why? Because if you two ever do get back together, this person will never forget your voicemail and its contents.

I would have written a letter or note to this person and left it in a location for him/her to find.

If you meant to leave your message in a cold and dark manner, then you succeeded with your voicemail.

You had no choice. You made the effort to talk to him directly. Breaking up sucks. He would be angry or upset no matter what. Had you been dating long? Has he called you since the break up call?

Yes, we were together over two years. I had been unhappy awhile and it took a lot of courage to end it. I don’t think he was unhappy, maybe I’m wrong – he was never very capable of having these kind of discussions. I just got to my wits end with his aversion of speaking about feelings… and just left the message.

No, I have not gotten any kind of acknowledgement of the call at all. I mean, I prefer no confrontation… but I wasn’t even ending this on nasty terms, so I am just surprised that we couldn’t actually speak about it.

I can’t help but think if he really cared, he had plenty of opportunities to talk to me or even ask my reasons. Nothing of the sort, simply silence.

@eyemadreamer It seems maybe you wanted a final conversation, and maybe that is more discombobulating than the idea you broke up on a voicemail. His aversion might have been his inability to do the breaking up, so he pushed you away enough so you finally did it. I know many people who hope for the other person to break up.

If you can, just move forward. If you are not very upset, be greatful. I would not give it another thought or regret that you broke up as you did. You were boxed in it seems. He would have just stopped communicating with no official end. It seems you actually took the higher road and officially broke things off.

It has essentially been me doing the pushing. I had been hoping he would do it but he just always seemed happy no matter what had been going on. Who knows, maybe it really was mutual. Never knew this stuff could be so cut and dry! I suppose I should take the opportunity to stop worrying about it.

@eyemadreamer I think he ended it too, just in a different way. Not communicating is not being a couple. Of course, only you and he really know what your relationship was like, I don’t mean to presume. Two years is a long time. I can understand why it feels odd.

I think he was just probably hoping you would do it and by avoiding you maybe he was hoping to make your decision easier. I can’t really say what was going on in his head, but he was avoiding you and was probably also making it hard for you to make your choice. You did what you had to.

@eyemadreamer, people who can’t handle change will not activate change themself, but will deliberately make things impossible for their SO to have things continue as they are. It is easier for them to have change thrust upon them than to be responsible for change. “She broke up with me; I am unhappy and I must deal with it” is easier for them to deal with than “I wanted this change; I am unhappy and it’s my own fault.” If you can’t be proactive about change, then you make it possible for the other person to make the decision for you, by doing nothing.

In your situation? It wasn’t a bad idea at all. If I were dating someone who was avoiding me, I probably would have done the same thing. If he’s going to be callous enough to avoid you to prevent a conversation, then he can accept a callous voicemail breakup!

Deplorable. Yes, there are worse ways. So?

I read your details, kiddo, and I’ve read the posts here. You’re young – so try to learn from it.

When you decide to be with someone, marry them or whatever, do it with the one you’d have a relatively good divorce from.

So if you are with someone that is avoiding talking to you – you are both idiots. very young. But if you have decided that’s it – you want out – and he isn’t talking to you – doesn’t that kinda mean you’re done? Do you have to have the last word? Does it have to be by voicemail? Can’t you just go about your life – and eventually – if he cares enough to talk to you – just say your goodbyes?

Hey – I don’t know you from adam. Just keeping it real.

He basically already knew you were breaking up, otherwise he wouldn’t have avoided you deliberately. You practiacally just confirmed it via voicemail, saying it was probabily redundant.