What are the biggest turnoffs in relationships dating and marital?

In his mind, it could be a turn off that she has not asserted herself enough or had the guts to leave him earlier. He can’t do it himself since he is guilty of the same and he is way much worse, for he is a complete jerk to add. 14 years is way too long for anyone to have hoped for change.

Have you ever heard the old saying “he/she is two-faced”?

Many people are actors and play a part, just to land a person they think they are in love with. It appears that she has much more love for him, than he has for her. She has overlooked his cheating, not once but many times. This is not good in a relationship. Why? It makes one person appear that they are desperate and will do anything(living with discovered cheating)to keep this person in their life. What has happened is loss of respect for the other person. She should have stood her ground on the first cheating incident. By not doing so, her partner just took her for granted and thus the loss of love and respect. She should have stood her ground with the first incident, instead of “I forgive you”.

I wish I knew. Maybe it’s not the other person. Maybe it’s oneself. Maybe a person is too afraid of being kicked out, so they start preparing for the inevitable. Leaving before the relationship is over. Relationships can drag on for years even after they are over, as both parties are in a kind of denial. They always believe it can be fixed. They try counseling for years. They do everything they can, and still one cheats or fights or ignores or is absent even when there.

It is plain to me that he did not love her, but found her to be a convenient person to be married to. But that is not a very healthy reason to be married.

That situation really doesn’t have anything to do with your question. Turn-offs in a relationship are various, such as ceasing to take care of one’s self, lack of self esteem, emotional immaturity, lack of interest and lack of caring. That all works both ways, for both men and women.

Maybe she is a turn off because she bends herself out of shape for him. The very things she is doing to try and please him, might actually make her seem weak and unnattractive.

But, I will say this. If he is a serial cheater he is a macho ass. He will get sick of every girl he ever dates long term, because he always needs the next hotty to feed is ego. There is nothing she can do to stop his lying and cheating, nothing. And, there is nothing she can do to rekindle his attraction or gain his respect. He never really respected her, he does not know how to do it. I do believe people can change, but serial cheaters have to want to change, which I only see on rare occasion, and it is typically someone who regrets doing it. Many many men have zero regret.

i dont know about turnoffs but i turnon is men who burp and fart alot..thats turns me wild,,, a turnoff is cheating.

Unfortunetly it can take YEARS for a persons true character to be revealed.

Educate yourself to the teeth about personality disorderd types and how their particular brand of pathology shows up.
Give no MORE than one SECOND chance.

Do your own ‘work’.

Even with knowledge, if someone really wants to deceive you they can and WILL.

The most important thing for your friend (s) is to not blame themselves for anothers fuck ups, while taking THEIR fair share of their relationship flaws.

There are NO gaurantees, but, knowledge and personal growth work will make YOU more aware of what you need to be on the lookout for.

Never, EVER, mold yourself to anothers idealized image!

Above all, trust your gut! :-)

Someone who is physically and/or emotionally abusive ranks higher than cheating in my book. The thing is, even though you have been privy to what seems like both points of view, the relationship of two people is never simple to understand.

@JLeslie is absolutely right. A man who cheats is always after the next hottie and immediately loses interest in the last hottie. She is not the reason he lost interest. It is his own behavior that did it. She should have split with the very first revelation of cheating.

@Pied_Pfeffer You don’t think chronic cheating is emotionally abusive? Not to mention possibly puts her physical health at risk?

I would assume he finds her unattractive due to the fact that she allows a man to treat her in such a horrible, degrading manner. Letting someone walk all over you is a very unattractive trait. I’ve been on both sides of the fence. One relationship I cheated continuously and the guy stayed with me and acted as though is was his fault. wtf? And another relationship I was being cheated on, knew it, and stayed for awhile. When he kept cheating, I kept begging him to stay. wtf? It’s just unattractive, you see? It’s much more appealing to have a partner that has the self confidence and self worth to stand up for themselves and demand the respect they deserve.

My turn offs are someone that isn’t intelligently stimulating. Don’t know why but I can not be with someone that isn’t smarter than me,it isn’t hard by the way. Someone that is controlling is also a negative, a cheater or any type of abusive personality. Also if they are incredibly lazy to the point where they won’t pull their weight in a relationship is a peeve.

@JLeslie Yes, I agree that chronic cheating can be emotionally abusive. It isn’t the only way to cause emotional abuse. I’ve watched a few very strong people go into a downward spiral that had nothing to do with their spouse cheating…their partner essentially just checked out from their relationship, and in some cases, the children. As for the potential health risk, I think it depends upon how the spouse deals with the situation, be it a ‘he’ or ‘she’.

If my SO ever physically abused me, I’d move out immediately. If he cheated, I’d be willing to hear his explanation.

Edit: My apology to the OP. I realize that this question is in the General section and doesn’t address the problems that your friends are experiencing.

I also forgot to mention that this can also be due to how a person perceives the change going on in their partner. Certain people have certain values, like I would never smoke or hit my child and they might be with someone who shares those values. Then once something arises that might cause a person to be flexible with those values, their partner might see it as a betrayal.

The thing is that people don’t realize that everyone changes their views during their lifetime. People change all the time and it’s more apparent if you get married at an early age. There can be many things that can happen in a person’s life that will cause them to change their views and values and some people are more forgiving than others when that happens.

Also, it could just be an excuse for a person to either cheat or leave a relationship they’re unhappy with because of their short comings.

I can tolerate almost anything except if I feel I’m being bullshitted. I suppose that goes for everyone I will meet in life.

@Pied_Pfeffer I am not trying to take away from other forms of physical and psychological abuse. I too would probably stay if I found out my husbamd was cheating if he wanted to work through it, but he is not a chronic serial cheater. There is a huge difference, men wo cheat all the time (I am sure there are women too) behave in a way very few can imagine unless they have been through it. They lie constantly, the woman is made to feel nuts. She knows something is going on, he turns any accusation into her beng jealous and awful. He tries to expain away his inconsistencies and she wants to believe it isn’t happening. There is an emotional withdrawal of love and intamacy, the wife knows he is distracted, as mich as the man wants to believe he can act normal with his wife and fuck other women, he actually sucks at it.

My exboyfriends family, his brother was a hair dresser, he used cut hair at peoples houses sometimes. It was like the movie shampoo and American Gigalo all in one. He would cut the girls hair, have sex with her and make a lot of money doing it, while his SO was at the salon. Sometimes we were with him, my boyfriend and I, not habing sex with him, but down in the living room while he was in her bedroom. Another brother of his ran a restaurant. His wife was pregnant shortly after I met him. We would be at the restaurant at closing to go home with him, and he would be fucking a waitress in the back before we leftt to go to his house. A few months later he thought it was funny that a friend of his brought in a date, his own mistress, for dinner, and the brother I am talking about, (let’s call him Gustavo) spoke to her in Spanish at the table to meet him at the womens bathroom. She did, they had sex in there, and she returned to the table. Then in French he told his friend he just had sex with his date. He was pissed at her. The men remained friends, joking about what a slut the girl was. And, of course Gustavo went home to his wife. My ex, when he was dating the girl after me, once told me it was good we broke up, he still cheats, and had just had sex behind where he works, while his girlfriend worked inside. He seems to be different finally with his second wife. But, the cheating is so part of their day and life, it is hard for most people to imagine it I think.

And, they do not wear condoms generally. Please. Have you seen all the children being born to our politicans and their mistresess? Educated men of an age who should know better.

No one knows the full story, so it’s not really fair for anyone to pass judgement. I’m willing to bet your friend gave you the edited version where she is a victim. I’m not saying the guy isn’t a douche bag.

Selfishness and lack of respect