What would you do if you had a friend that was self-centered?

Fire them.
Life is too short.:)

Lol…that’s pretty bad.

If she is really like how you wrote it than i think you already honored her too much with naming her as your friend.
She sounds like a ____ in the ____. see what i did there :-)

I would begin to ease away from her (call her less often; see her less often) while starting to form new friendships.

Just because it’s been so long doesn’t mean it’s right to hold on to this friendship that it sounds like you’ve outgrown.

You wouldn’t try to talk things out? I have a big feeling that she’d take it the wrong way, lol

Bitch slap her. My signature comment Seriously? Then she’s never been your friend. Screw her. There are plenty of people out there you know? Ditch her. Maybe then she’ll notice what she’s been doing and change.

I wonder if she’s this way with other people…Our other childhood friend recently complained to me that she talks about herself way too much. I said, “Really? You just now noticed?” lol Surprisingly she has tons of friends but they’re more so party friends.

Honestly, I don’t know what we have in common other than we like some of the same music and like to go out to bars.

Do you think she REALIZES this?? Hmm.. Or maybe she thinks I’m boring…

If you don’t want to have an upfront conversation, you can stop being friends with her. She doesn’t know what’s inside your head.

@chelle21689 If this is her nature then she definitely doesn’t notice this. If you’re a good friend then confront her.

I agree with @marinelife. Maybe 10 years ago, I wouldn’t have had the will, the words, or even the mental wherewithall to even realize this kind of person is toxic and not a good friend. However, now that I have a lot of life experience under my belt, I recognize that this kind of person is not someone I want to have in my life if I can help it. (and sometimes, like with close family, you can’t help it)

If you truly value her and the friendship, then talking it out is worth a shot. It sounds like maybe you feel a sense of responsibility because you’ve known her for so long and also because she was your only friend during a rough time in your life. I totally get that. But 13 years is a long time and it’s plenty of time for someone to grow and be less self-absorbed. This girl does need a lesson, but I’m not sure if pointing it out will be helpful at all.. will she even hear it? Maybe she’ll just say you’re being a bitch because you’re jealous of her being so pretty?

Anyway, point being, friendships sometimes fade over time. Sometimes, it’s like this, where one person grows and changes, but the other person doesn’t. It’s okay to appreciate the friendship she gave you when you needed it, perhaps even reserve a small place in your heart for it, but then also to gradually let it fade. You’re not obligated to be friends with anyone, usually. I say cut out the people that aren’t worth your time and energy, and who don’t care about you as an individual.

Lmao! She would say something like that, MissAnthrope…“She’s just jealous of me!” haha

If you want to save the relationship, you have to talk openly about what you want her to do. You need to be pretty skillful to carry off a conversation like that without shooting yourself in the foot right off the bat. You have to know how to make “I” statements and how to give each other space to talk. That’s the main issue, of course. So you have to teach her to listen in order to talk to her about listening.

Maybe there’s a workshop you could take.

You might try taking her some place unusual for both of you. It has to be a place where you will have uninterupted privacy. Turn off cell phones. Give her a set of rules up front about listening. Have the conversation.

If you can’t do that, then blow off the relationship.

Emotionally dysfunctional people like her just like to hear themselves talk and when she realizes you are no longer willing to put up with her monologue, be prepared for her to spill out all the bad things she thinks about you and to even make stuff up just to try and make you feel bad.

It sounds like you have just grown apart, it happens when you get older and you realize things about yourself (likes, dislikes, things that are important to you, ways of going about things). And that’s OK. You have a long history with this girl and that does mean something, but it doesn’t mean that you have to put up with her and all her crap all the time.

Like some of the others have said, now is the time to slowly, gradually back away from her. You don’t have to drop her like a bag of hot rocks, just become less available. Use your caller ID, don’t answer all of her e-mails right away, don’t respond on FB as often. If she questions you (which she may not, because she might not even realize it, if she’s so self involved) then just tell her that you’ve been doing a lot of new things that she doesn’t seem to be interested in, that’s all. If she pushes you for more information as to why you’ve been avoiding her, say something like, “Madge, I really haven’t been avoiding you, it’s just that I’ve been seeing this new fellow that I really like, and I just got out of a 5 year relationship that really did a number on me and you really didn’t seem very interested. My life is kind of going in a bunch of new directions lately.”

You don’t really have to tell her that you think that she’s a bore (and a boor). Since she’s probably a part of your bigger social circle, it’s likely that you will see her around, and that’s OK, and it’s OK for you to talk to her and sit with her, knowing full well that you may have to put up with an evening of her yakking. I have a few acquaintences that are like that. Big yakkers that really have no particular interest in me, but can be good for a few laughs out in social situations.

Allow yourself not to feel obligated to her anymore, that’s all. Then you can take her or leave her without having any kind of dramatic blowout where you guys “break up.” Just start reducing your time with her now. That’s all.

You need to tell her privately that A: there’s been some changes in your self-awareness in how you’ve allowed her to treat you, so B: you’d like to be able to talk about yourself once in a while without her turning and making it all about herself and C: if she can’t do this, you aren’t going to hang out as much, if at all.

In a much kinder way of course. We all do what we do to meet our perceived needs, even narcissistic motormouths.

Granted, the above advice is if you guys are over 14. Anything under that, and it’s going to be a busload of drama, and you’d be better off going with just telling her B. And if she doesn’t comply with B to your satisfaction, then don’t make a fuss, just drop her.

Let the friendship fade away naturally. I agree with @Kardamom

I do. I see her very rarely now (three times a year maybe).

As suggested above, I let the friendship fade. I suddenly became very busy with work.

If it was something I thought she could control, I would have spoke with her – but it’s her basic personality. No changing it and not really her fault.

“You wouldn’t try to talk things out? I have a big feeling that she’d take it the wrong way, lol”
After what you’ve said, do you actually think she gives one minute of thought as to what you think or feel? I had a friend like this and only put up with her for about a year. Then I just stopped answering the phone. Life is too short to have this kind of person sucking the life out of you.

If you have gently approached her with your feelings in a diplomatic manner and she remains oblivious, let her go. Good friends are able to hear and respect your feelings.

Stop calling her, and let her do all the work to maintain the relationship for awhile.

Have you seen Bridesmaids yet?

@Coloma Yes! I totally gave up on people who are “deaf” and self absorbed!

@Cruiser

Yeah, that ‘selective’ hearing, here, allow me to inspect your eardrums with this sharp stick. lol

@Coloma I prefer “ear candeling” with a cordless Black and Decker hammer drill! ;)

I think I’d try and talk and see if we can work things out to save the friendship. And I am thinking that she cares about the friendship then it everything should be fine. Otherwise, call it quits. There are bigger and better things in life than irresponsible and lousy friends.