What do YOU do?

Take the pork chops out of the bag and give them a chance to smell em. Then, I chuck them as far away from me as possible. The pancake mix can be used to blind the ones that come
after me,,, and the yarn… well. That’s just a cute thing to carry, no?
Or maybe I can use it to create a yarn web on the mansion gates… to tangle them up if they try to enter.

Depending on the time of the month, I rip out my uterus and feed it to the pack of hungry wolves. That’ll keep ‘em at bay. Then, I fiddle together a snuggie of yarn for Fiddle and I. I feed him pork chops and pancakes.. under the orange tree (no?).

@Jude yes please.

@Cruiser I don’t need the yarn, pork chops, or pancake mix to subdue these beasts. I would just whip out my undoubtedly large penis and use it to lasso the wolverines, which I would then tame to make them my personal pets. Then I’d ride off in the sunset with @Jude on their backs using the yarn as reins.

That’ll do, Fiddle. That’ll do.

You had me at large johnson.

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard Dude, how on earth do you keep your giant penis inside your trousers?

@queenie I don’t. I have a wheeled refrigeration unit that I carry around with me that I keep it stored in. And you are much too young to be discussing my reproductive equipment, young lady! :P

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard You could also tuck it in your boot.

Summon the shaolin masters the RZA, The GZA, Method man, Ghostface Killah, Raekwon, Masta Killa, U-God, Inspektah Deck and the spirit of ODB. Those wolves better protect their necks.
Wu! Wu! Wu! Wu!

@Jude if he had a ‘real’ 10 gallon hat he could tuck it up under there sort of like a Marsupial turban!

I fashion the ingredients into a replica of an Ohio State Buckeye. The Wolverines beg for mercy, but hearing nothing from my Buckeye, shit themselves in panic and run away. I fix the MP3 player, and proceed to the Mansion. I make a ham sandwich for and share a glass of decent wine with @lucillelucillelucille.

Aaaah, my minions have arrived…I take out the pork chops, huck em all in the mansion, so the wolverines run over there…and they slaughter and eat you all, along with the pork chop.
After that, I feel so bad that I hand myself with the yarn. And the pancake mix…yeah fuck the pancake mix.

@Symbeline I’ll have the pancake mix. :)

@queenie It’s yours. :)

The first thing I do is look at Toto and say, “I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore,” and then I whip up a batch of fresh pancakes using the froth from the mouths of the rabid wolverines while chucking pork chops at them to keep them busy.

When the pork chops are exhausted and the pancakes are done, I feed those to the pack, but that doesn’t keep them at bay long enough. Never fear! I’m late delivering Yarnlady’s yarn, and she comes storming out of the mansion or castle or off her personal tropical isle or wherever she is these days and flattens the whole pack of wolverines with one swipe of a cast iron skillet.

She and I go traipsing down the yellow brick road together.

Everyone together now: “We’re off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz…”

[Edited to add: Thank you for one of the most entertaining questions in a long time.]

I have a feeling I would be like a deer in the headlights and wind up dead. If I can actually move I would throw the bag and hope they go for the food. I gotta get a gun. I saw a coyote the other day in my backyard. Scares the shit out of me. I am afraid of dogs, imagine a wild dog or animal.

Now if I have my MSU Spartan shirt on I would flash it at them and it would work like kryptonite. They would all be immobile on the ground.

@JLeslie Don’t you worry darling, I’ll use the other pack of pancake mix from @Symbeline to blind those wild dogs once again!
Then you can make it safely to the mansion ;)

@queenie Thanks.

@josie -:)

I use all the secret tricks the FBI taught me. If I told YOU I’d have to kill you;)

I would howl consistently like a hellhound, at the same time use the pancake mix, spread it on the ground in a protective circle around me. I take the yarn and hold it over my stomach, then pull it out like it’s my intestines, chew it and then spit it out to show the wolverines I would not taste good if they eat it me.

If no one from the Fluther mansion heard my howling, then no help will come. The wolverines would figure out how much of an idiot I was and cross my magical pancake mix circle. As they eat me I’ll do my best to protect the pork chops so I’ll have an offering to Satan later.

@mazingerz88 That was pretty fucking epic right there.

I wonder what @Cruiser has been smoking!

@Judi Not smokin a thang! Just enjoying a couple of @Coloma’s fresh baked brownies…yum! ;)

Shit in my pants, freeze, and scream! Not necessarily in that order.

@wundayatta I’m thinkin scream, freeze then shit in your pants ;)

@Symbeline Glad you dig it. : )

Hmm, seeing as though we’re talking fluther fantasies here, i’d assume the “wolverines” were part of an odious fluther clique & i’d flag their scabby arses out of town!!
Best way to handle riff-raff! ;¬}

I’ld Google/Wikipedia Wolverines.

Yell for @Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard for help, because he appears to have guns. He seems to be prepared for a pack of rabid Wolverines. Plus the penis could scare them away. just saying

Isn’t the Fluther Mansion underwater, to go with the whole jellyfish theme?