The worst is really bad enough I’d rather not post in on the internet. But some fun ones:
My father told me he and my mother had signed the divorce and the judge had signed them, that they were now legally divorced, 6 months before it was actually true.
My mother just admitted to me over lunch a couple days ago that she did not, in fact, get straight As in college so much as “major in dating”. I feel like after the fifth time I told her as a kid that if she got straight As, we really weren’t the same person, and just couldn’t live up to her standards, she really should have admitted to lying and created a bonding moment.
A friend claimed that my sister wore these short skirts – the type where you can see the bottom of the bum line – every day for 6 months. My sister actually wore jeans most of those days, with the occasional break for those black pants with the chains from Hot Topic.
There are quite a few lies in my parents’ divorce – my father lied about cheating on my mother. My mother, well, I’m honestly not sure if my mother knows these are falsehoods or truly believed them at one time. But either way, she repeatedly accused my father of stealing/hiding assets (both to me and in court documents), claimed various anonymous doctors,nurses and administrators (he’s a surgeon, so his colleges/underlings) saw him doing various improper things with his mistress (from being a bit too PDA in public to doing it in a sterilized OR), claimed that one patient of his had come to her and said that my father sexually harassed her in an exam (because I know, when I want to accuse my doctor of hitting on my in the exam room, I seek out his embittered soon-to-be-ex wife), and that he was an alcoholic. The alcoholism is my favorite, because it moves around so much – first he started 3 months after leaving her, then 1 month before, then 3 months before, then he was hiding Heineken in his locker at the hospital during his residency when I was an infant (so 18 years of alcoholism, at least), then back to 6 months before leaving her. My mother has some serious issues with reality. When she sued me, she was impeached on the stand because in one day of testimony, she’d contradicted herself so many times. She’s since decided he doesn’t have an issue with booze, but that her sister does. Incidentally, she and my aunt aren’t getting along very well at the moment; they keep fighting over how best to take care of their mother and her estate as she declines further and further into Alzheimers. Basically, my mother has accused everyone in the family whom she’s ever had some kind of tension with of either a drug problem, or a mental disorder, usually bipolar or schizo-something (even figures out exactly where they are on the DSM-IV severity axis, because she’s just so considerate like that).
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