I need help coming up with something to say to my boyfriend (or ex?)

That’s a bummer. In almost all human relations, I think it’s better to start with questions, rather than accusations. Good luck.

“Taking a break” can be a polite way of telling an S.O. that you’re breaking up. Sometimes people do it when they think their partner won’t handle a breakup well (and that can be a polite way of saying, “I think this person will go apeshit if I break up with them right now”). I’m not saying it’s right or wrong, but he was trying to let you down easy. Or maybe he planned to resume the relationship, but then he met this other girl. Then you pushed to have him in your life in some way (“he doesn’t even say good night anymore,” checking his twitter, planning a final declaration.)

I was in a relationship a few years ago that just totally sucked. At the end, we didn’t even really like each other anymore; we were always getting into fights and I kept trying to avoid him. It wasn’t a good situation- definitely immature and codependent. Finally I said we needed to “take a break” and he called me all the time, stalked my online accounts, called my friends to check up with me, and finally came to my job and gave me a declaration a lot like the one you’re planning.

A declaration like that is a plea in disguise- someone who does this is secretly hoping that the person who wronged them will see the error in their ways. Don’t do it. If you just drop contact with him and chalk it up as a douchey breakup, you’ll have the upper hand and you’ll feel better about yourself. Or if necessary, just keep it short and simple, like, “You’re an asshole.” Done.

No good comes from the phrase “taking a break”. Because the Friends arc about it is sooooo true. But in the end, this is a guy who’s not with you right now – it sounds like things are over between the two of you. If you two still have some relationship, and he’s cheating, then you probably don’t want to be with a guy who’s cheating. If not, then do you really want to be with a guy who says “we’re off right now, but I get to say when we’re back on”? It only takes one to break you two up, but it takes both partners to make the relationship work. So instead of confronting him – which will probably just be you yelling at him, not some healthy communication ending in peaceful resolution – just move on.

My thoughts on what to say to him are along the lines of:

“Out of sight, out of mind? Your actions speak louder than your lack of words; it is obvious you do not want the relationship to continue, but are not mature enough to tell me. Let’s quit kidding ourselves about a break meaning we’ll get back together.”

I think you should state the obvious, and let him know you hold him responsible.

And then you need to stand firm to not let him back into your life unless he truly understands and is sorry for what he’s done.

You are a bit jealous [ which is a good thing because that means you really like him ].

But approaching him with ” I know you have someone else ” won’t put you in a good light.

Give him time and don’t say nothing. It may be only a summer “love” ^^

He sounds like a jerk. I’d tell him you’re not down with the situation and that it’s over.

Don’t say anything, I know its hard, but don’t do it! You will only regret it.
Just try writing a letter saying everything you want to tell him, and never deliver it.

Don’t say anything, clearly he’s interested in other people. If you want closure that’s another thing. I say just start dating/seeing other people as well… He’ll bring it up if it really bothers him. And I bet you it will only bother him once he finds out you’ve moved on. He may have assured himself that you are some sort of safety net.

Of course this is easier to do if your relationship has been a relatively short one

I’d say something along the lines of ” look mother f***** I know all about that home wrecker you lying a** cheating mother f******” but I’m not known for ending relationships well or civil. thats just me.

Wow @zenvelo has nailed it. GREAT ANSWER!!!

“Taking a break” is just a way of trying to have your cake and eat it too. In other words, he wants you to be there for him after he’s done with his summer fling(s). He didn’t do it for you. He did it for himself.

I would recommend doing nothing. When he next calls or texts you, simply say you don’t want to talk to him anymore. When he asks why, tell him that you deserve better than to be his back-up girl. He will certainly try to convince you otherwise, but I would bet next months paycheck that he has or plans to mess around this summer.

Unless you are comfortable doing the same, or being the faithful back-up girlfriend, I would simply end it. I don’t know you, but I bet you deserve better.

My girlfriend and I faced the same issue, except much more dramatic. She’s going to school on another continent for five years. We aren’t taking a break. We are staying together through the entire separation, because she is most definitely worth it.

ask him about it first. Then say that

I don’t think you need to say anything. He’s declared “taking a break”. The card you hold is “getting back together in the fall.” That’s when is summer activities need to surface, and your take on it all. He’s not the only one with the decision power in whether the relationship is off or on. You hold the decision about resuming the relationship in the fall—are you willing to get back together with someone took a break from you to date other people?

It’s fair enough that if he’s not committed to your relationship, he’s seeing other people. He is viewing himself uncommitted to you. You cannot force commitment. I agree with @Poser.

Turning into psycho bitch and venting anger at him will only further justify that he doesn’t want to be with you. If you are following him on Twitter or FB, there’s nothing to stop you from making a nice comment, just to let him know you can see what he posts. Something like, “She sounds like a great person. Will I get to meet her when you come back this fall?” is enough to remind him that he’s posting in a public space and to announce your presence to whomever at home is reading his tweets. It also conveys self-confidence in yourself. Even if you don’t feel it.

Welcome to fluther @minniemau5 – first off – sucks. Bummer. Not a fun position to be in.

In mid April he left for the Summer to go back home and told me we are taking a “break” as the distance was too much.

After that – whatever happens – happens. I don’t agree or disagree with this premise – it’s just a situation that arose – he suggested – and you agreed too – as heavy as your heart might be.

I do have a problem with you looking at his tweets.

As to why he’s writing you less and less – you already know the tweet answer.

Time to let go – do your thing – and after the summer see what happens. For now, anything you say to him would either be out of frustration or anger, and worse: you’d either reveal what you’ve been doing – or keep it to yourself and pretend – neither is a very pretty picture.

Take the high road. It’s hard, it’s sad. It’s the right thing to do. Let go – if it’s meant to be – he’ll come chasing after you wondering why you haven’t been writing as much lately. Hey – he’s just a guy.

It’s best you say nothing at all to this person. Ever. It’s over.

If you must say something, keep it short and sweet. For example: “goodbye”.

Also, do not eavesdrop on others’ accounts. Like @zen I also have a problem with this. At the least it indicates you have a problem with trust; and you simultaneously have betrayed another’s trust. I have often been in a position to harvest many folks’ passwords, and I have never, ever used that power to get anyone’s personal information. Seriously, that’s bad and creepy to do.

He’s posting on Twitter. It’s not private or eavesdropping if she is already following him on Twitter. Or, for that matter, if she’s not following him. If you hashtag a comment on twitter, is shows up around the world when you search that tag.

There is the cautionary that “eavesdroppers never hear well of themselves.” If you snoop, the odds of hearing good things is very small. There’s also the added risk of misunderstanding what’s going on. If he has anything to hide, he shouldn’t be tweeting about it.

The handwriting is clearly on the Twitter wall that he has interests elsewhere. I wouldn’t waste time waiting around for him to tell you anything. Just fahghetabout him and move on…no drama, no further pain!

If you though really feel the need to mess with him…post his Twitter account here and we’ll help ya out! ;)

I wouldn’t say what you posted here. Instead of saying “you, you, you,” the adult thing to say is something like, “It seems clear to me that we have drifted apart. You have been a very special part of my life for a long time. I will treasure the times we had. They were wonderful memories. I wish you nothing but happiness in the future.”
That’s the high road.

I say let it go. You guys aren’t together right now, since you guys are on “a break”. It sounds like when he said he didn’t want to hold you back should you meet someone else this summer he meant he didn’t want you holding him back if he met anyone this summer. It sounds like he is making the most out of being single during the summer.

If you want a relationship with him when he comes back, go for it, but you’ve learned a very valuable lesson this summer. Personally, I’d just be done with him and focus on myself and moving on. Confronting him won’t really change anything.

What if when you confront him, he tells you that he does want to be with you, when he gets back, and that this is just a summer fling? Would you really be willing to go back to him? If not, just cut ties now and let him go. It’ll give you more time to get over him before school starts back up in the fall.

Just forget him. He’s a jerk. You don’t need to say anything. You don’t need permission to move on.

@BarnacleBill Thanks for the correction, that was a bit of a failure in reading comprehension on my part.

from personal experirence, ive noticed that guys hate it when you accuse them of not carring about you. They think your just starting drama. I would say something along the lines of… “I don’t mind that you aren’t as interested in me anymore and that you are into another girl, but I really would have prefered you had just been upfront and told me that you didn’t want to be in this realationship. That way I could move on too.”
This won’t offend him, but it will put him to shame a little and let him know that you are ok with him liking some other girl.

Tell him he’s a sorry excuse for a man and he has no gonads for not coming out and telling you he was breaking up with you….and you wouldnt have him anyway.

WTF, How does anyone come off with such arrogance.
You are supposed to wait? LOL
Move on, you deserve better.
He has showed how he cares and what he feels of you or of a SO.
I don’t know him, but he is a Dickhead
Nuf Said.

Since he doesn’t know you have his Twitter account, you could tweet something, publicly, on his account. Nothing mean or crude, just something simple, maybe a tad romantic, or a tad curt to make him aware that you can see what he’s posting, and a hint as to how you feel. Then, do as you please from there. Quite frankly, though, the guy’s an asshole to do that in the first place.

Echoing the sentiment of the majority of responses here, it sounds like he wants you on standby. And I’m certain he will probably tell the girl he’s currently seeing the same line of BS that he fed to you. You both deserve better than this.

I agree with @BarnacleBill and @ddude1116 Send him a polite message via Twitter to let him know you can see his posts and are aware that he is seeing someone else (frankly, I like the whole “she sounds nice. Will I meet her this fall?” recommended by @BarnacleBill Its cute, polite and has just a dash of snarkiness to it) and see where things goes from there.

If he was really committed to you in the first place, he would never want you to have the summer to yourself “just in case you found another guy.” This guy is immature and you deserve better! Simple answer!

BTW—Great use of the phrase ”Couldn’t care less,” as opposed to the more oft used (and usually wrong) ”Could care less.”