Social Question

augustlan's avatar

When a man (or woman) 'catcalls' a woman (or man), what is the motivation? What does s/he hope to achieve?

Asked by augustlan (47745points) May 25th, 2011

As a young woman, I was frequently on the receiving end of wolf whistles, inappropriate comments on my appearance, leering, and the like. This question got me to thinking… what’s in it for them? What’s going through the cat-caller’s mind in that moment? What outcome is s/he looking for?

Some possible scenarios:

“Ooh, she’s hot… I’d like to bang her.” If so, is cat-calling an effective strategy, at all? Has anyone ever actually gone on to date the cat-caller?

“Ooh, he’s beautiful. I bet he’ll appreciate my telling him so.” Do we actually appreciate it sometimes? Is there a way to compliment a stranger on their physical appearance without seeming like a creeper?

“Let’s see how uncomfortable I can make this person.” Could it actually be this actively malicious?

What do you think? I’m open to all answers, and would really appreciate it if anyone can answer based on their own experiences as a cat-caller.

Let this be a safe environment, so we can honestly learn about this, please. No flaming!

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26 Answers

tedd's avatar

Just an inference…. the type of guy that would actually make a cat call, is probably only going to get a response from the type of girl that will get him some form of action rather quickly.

I have told strangers that I think they’re beautiful before. But its not in passing and its not as crude as like Nice legs mama! or some other random thing. I would actually walk up to them, tell them, and/or try to spark some kind of conversation.

THAT worked a few times to get further conversation or even a casual date.

Flirting is a much better method. And I have used flirting with strangers very successfully in the past.

Pele's avatar

I’d cat-call a lady just to start a conversation with her. I have a nasty habit of that. I guess that’s just how I interact with my sex. I like having pretty friends. I’ll say something about her outfit or natural beauty. Thats just how I met other ladies. Maybe it’s because of growing up, all my friends were dudes.

Blackberry's avatar

I have never done this, but I have seen women and I have thought your two first quotes. I have the maturity to just walk up to a woman and say ‘Hi’. I think it’s harmless when people do it, but a lot of people just don’t have tact (or class). One thing that always annoyed me was when I would have guys in my car, and they would stick their head out of the window and be all like, “Hey baby, whatsup..”, or “Looking good honey, need a ride?”. I don’t think any mature or semi-intelligent person would cat call.

filmfann's avatar

I would be shocked and embarassed if someone I was with did that, but I am not above making a comment to someone I am with about someone we see.

(Seeing a woman bending over, as she puts grocheries in her car, “Whoa, if we were dating, she would never have to move again!”)

marinelife's avatar

You left out one possibility that I think may be the answer. Usually, cat-callers are in groups. So it is about how they appear to their peers rather than being about the cat-callee at all.

I definitely do not think they are thinking about how uncomfortable it makes someone.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@augustlan That question got to me as well. Why make the subject of the catcall that much of an object, I guess for lack of a better term. It’s offensive. I’ve got to chew on it a little more to come up with a better answer.

augustlan's avatar

I think @marinelife is on to something. That had never occurred to me.

ucme's avatar

Okay, i’ve never done this & I can see how a woman can feel objectified by it, (there’s a but coming isn’t there?) but, (thought so) I think opinions are split on the subject. Some women don’t mind it while others are offended. Personally I think the guys who sit quietly & stare at women with their hands in their pockets are way more creepy. God only knows what’s running through their dirty little minds.

wundayatta's avatar

I don’t think there’s any one reason. The reasons you and others have described all come into play at different times.

I grew up during the feminist era, and I understood from an early age that women—at least the women I knew—didn’t like it. They found it annoying at best, threatening and dangerous at worst. There was a fear that the guy would follow up his whistle with more aggressive action if there was no one else around.

When I see a beautiful woman, who is sexually attractive (and that bar isn’t hard to meet), I, well, to make no bones about it… ok, to make bones about it, think something like, ‘I wouldn’t kick her out of bed.’ Usually it’s a bit cruder than that. I fantasize a teeny bit about what that might be like—picking her up and taking her home, caveman style almost. Then I think, ‘that’s never going to happen,’ and I move on. I’ve never whistled or cat-called.

The idea that there are men out there who can approach a stranger on the street and charm her into their bed with mere words used to make me pretty jealous. It seemed like such a powerful and ego-reinforcing thing to be able to do. However, at a fundamental level, it was all just a fantasy and not something I was truly interested in. Kind of like fantasizing about climbing Mt. Everest. Sounds cool. Not gonna happen.

What I was and am really interested in, as unmanly as it may sound, is a relationship. I want to get to know a woman and come to love her by finding out she’s a really cool person. A catcall isn’t going to get me there.

But most men don’t think that way in public. In public, as @marinelife said, they tend to be in groups and that’s always a competition for manliness. Or the appearance of manliness. I think many of these men are very respectful of the women in their lives in private. Not all, of course. There are many who think women are servants.

And it’s funny, because if you whistle or catcall a woman you know; a woman you love; it is often received positively. She glows in your regard. But that’s private where it isn’t embarrassing.

There is also something just the opposite of good that happens with some guys, I believe. I think some guys believe the hype that a woman should just fall into their arms. Every woman should want to fuck them. But the don’t, and that frustrates some men, no end. These men tend to never have had good relationships with women. They were probably abused or abandoned by their mothers. They have no clue how to act around women.

Something in them snaps at some point, and they decide it’s too much. They are tired of not getting what they want, and so they take it. For them, the catcall is malicious. Maybe a test to see how the woman will react. Is she afraid or is she innocent or is she strong? These men might then go after the low-hanging fruit, so-to-speak. Try to capture them and rape them. In some cases—probably very few—a catcall can be quite malicious, and a prelude to worse.

I think a lot of things are going on when a man catcalls. I think underneath it is the same fantasy I have. On top of that is the jealousy of men who have the skills to pick up women. Mixed in is the idea of showing other guys how bold you are when you see a hot woman. And, unfortunately, I think for some men, there’s something more sinister going on.

GQ, by the way—one of the very very few I have ever given out.

Poser's avatar

Same reason a kid acts up: bad attention is better than no attention.

bob_'s avatar

Sexy time.

FutureMemory's avatar

I would like to know if any women here like it when men whistle at them?

I’ve seen a few women thank men for it.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

@FutureMemory Only if it is a policeman blowing his whistle attempting to capture my attention so that I do not cross the street and risk getting run over.

Skaggfacemutt's avatar

I have always got the impression that they are doing it to impress their buddies and not to impress the woman. I have never seen a man whistle or cat-call to a woman when he is by himself. I have usually heard it from a group of construction workers, or from a car full of guys passing by. It is just guys, egging each other on, and I don’t think they are really looking for or expecting any reaction.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

I’m not sure; I’ve never catcalled seriously. I occasionally catcall as a “joke” sometimes, like if I’m with another girl and she’s trying on clothes- I’ll whistle at her, just to be funny and supportive in a “friendly kind of way”. My bff feels uncomfortable with her weight, so every time I’m at her house and she’s at mine, and she changes clothes, I whistle at her, like I’m saying, “Damn honey, you look GREAT!” Apparently it makes her feel good though, because she blushes and says things like, “Oh please!” and then giggles.

Skaggfacemutt's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate Lots of people use catcalls to joke and tease. I was referring only to those who seriously do it to complete strangers – and my answer was my feeling about why someone would do that.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

@Skaggfacemutt Okaaaay… I was just answering the question honey. My comment wasn’t directed at anyone.

Skaggfacemutt's avatar

@WillWorkForChocolate Sorry, I thought your answer was in response to mine. I apologize if I verbally attacked you.

WillWorkForChocolate's avatar

No, it wasn’t a verbal attack at all; I was just confused as to why you addressed me like I’d said something wrong.

Ajulutsikael's avatar

I only received cat calls when I was visibly pregnant and it always bothered me a lot. It’s like I was completely invisible until there was a little human in me.

I’ve told someone he was attractive before. At the time we had a class together and I told him that because it was the truth. There was no intent behind it at all. He was ok with it. Needless to say, a few months later we ended up dating and were engaged for a short time.

aprilsimnel's avatar

I think the reasons here have touched on a lot of why some guys do this stuff. I’ve had plenty of men hiss disgusting things near my ear while passing me on the street and not one of their buddies was around. I have a very innocent-looking face, and I think for some men, the idea of messing with innocence gives them a thrill. Also, some guys just have no filter.

tedd's avatar

@aprilsimnel I can vouch for guys wanting to “mess” with innocence. But at least with me that doesn’t typically mean confronting it on the street in often disgusting manners.

aprilsimnel's avatar

@tedd – Yes, well, you should see the look on their faces as they make their nasty comment and leer, as if I can’t tell they’re trying to see if I’ll look shocked, which makes it a control thing, and has very little to do with my body or whether they want to sleep with it.

mattbrowne's avatar

Rehearse to act in a movie set in the 60s.

There are many wannabe actors with day jobs at McDonald’s.

Some mindsets seem to remain stuck in the past. Catcalls are a 20th century phenomenon.

Imadethisupwithnoforethought's avatar

If other men are around, it is about them. He is likely insecure and attention seeking within that set of men, he wants them to like them. The possibility you may reply is not even part of the mental equation.

Individually, men often treat woman with a sort of crazy, projected, preemptive anticipation. The train of thought in a disturbed man’s mind goes: ‘She is lovely’ > ‘A woman that beautiful and sweet looking would never go for a guy like me.’ > ‘It’s okay, I hate that type of girl anyways.’
Some of these men are so self loathing they verbally abuse strange women they are attracted towards.

I am complimented by strange women on an individual basis all the time. I compliment a strange woman once in awhile. The positive comments I think come more from pleasant surprise than any strategy.

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