I can't manage to let ONE day of my life go, Even a year later... Much Wisdom needed... Please share?

It’s one part (one day, even) of your life. What is different about that day, and a time in middle school where something bad happened to you? You just have to forget about it, live your new life.

I live my life, Nothing can or will hold me back. I overcome everything. Im a very strong girl. Its just annoying not being able to forget things when that all you so badly want to do. Its like a notification that you can’t get to go away. Even when your doing something it pops up and say hey don’t forget about me… Im RIGHT HERE. Then you press ignore and it comes back a few hours later.. tapping you on the sholder. Ya know? like an itch in your brain that wouldn’ t go.

Have you spoken to your former friend about this since it happened? I’m thinking if you are able to tell her how you still feel betrayed by her (a year later) you can confront your feelings and regardless of her response, maybe you can move on.

Try, maybe, to do what @Blueroses suggests. Or, you can handwrite or email a letter to share your feelings.

Whats important is not whether the other person can ‘hear’ you, but speaking the truth about your feelings.

This is also, most likely, only ONE of many experiences most of us imperfect humans have with others that hurt and betray our trusts.

One thing that I think is HUGELY important for people to know, is to never take anything ‘personally.’

Meaning….the person that harms you, most likely is that way with EVERYONE else too, it’s part of who they are, and you have not been singled out for any special treatment, good or bad.

Learning this, and how to let go of bad experiences, feelings, is one of the most important tasks in ones life.

In staying ‘stuck’ in your pain and anger YOU are allowing that persons acts, behaviors to CONTROL your present moment happiness and inner peace.

I bet’cha a gazillion dollars THEY have not given ONE minute of their energy/attention to this!

We FORGIVE others, not to let THEM off the hook, but, to FREE ourselves from carrying around baggage that only weighs YOU down.

Best wishes in finding your way to healing. :-)

I think your problem is that you’re trying to forget that day. Instead, try to accept it. You can’t take that day back, you can’t redo it and you can’t erase it. However, you can accept the events that happened that day, that they evoked strong feelings from you and that you are powerless to change those events but that you can continue to live and learn and thrive.

Think about it like this: Have you ever had a day where you were very ill? Throwing up and feeling miserable? Do you go back over that day and try to understand why you were ill, why you vomited so many times, why you didn’t do things differently? You don’t, right? You just accepted that it was a bad day and moved on.

You have no control over the past, but you do have control over the present.

@drdoombot

Well said. :-)

I’d also add, IF, you had anything to do with the situation unfolding as it did, make sure to take responsibility for your part. If anything YOU said or did contributed to setting things up this way, you must be honest with yourself as well.

W are never responsible for anyone elses words or behaviors, but we are responsible for our own.

Do you also have trouble with your brain getting “stuck” on other things? If so, it could be OCD.

I’m kind of curious to know what your friend said to you that was a lie, and how she betrayed you. It sounds like something really awful. You don’t have to give us the exact details, but it would be helpful if we knew what she did.

I’m with @Coloma and @Blueroses. I think you need to write out a clear and concise letter to your former friend stating what you think she did and said and then ask her why she said and did it. Then tell her exactly why it hurt you so much and that you’ve had a difficult time forgetting about this painful betrayal.

But don’t expect a reply at all. Or if she does reply, realize that she might not have seen the situation in the same way that you did. I recall having a friend do something extremely hurtful to me, but my friend didn’t have the intention to hurt me at all, she acted out of a selfish need of her own. She wanted/needed something and the easiest way to get it was to tell me a big fat lie and then let me suffer the consequences. I don’t think she thought about how it would effect me at all. That wasn’t part of her thinking, she was only thinking about what would be expedient for her at that moment, then she forgot all about it.

Unfortunately, it was at that moment, I realized that what I thought was a good friend, wasn’t at all. She was just someone that I had friends and activities in common with, but we stopped being friends right then. I had to chalk it up as her just not being smart enough or kind enough. But I realized that she didn’t set out to hurt me (although she hurt me deeply without her even realizing it). I also realized that she was not someone who I could trust, nor was she someone that I wanted as a friend. That was a catharsis for me. That I didn’t really need this person in my life and I was lucky that I didn’t stick with her and get more and bigger betrayals down the line. She actually did me a favor.

It’s too bad that you didn’t confront this girl right when the incident happened, because my guess is that she won’t even remember the incident at all. Or she will say that she remembers the incident in an entirely different way. So I would send her the letter, but you should expect that she will probably see the whole thing in a completely different way, and she might even try to throw it back on you, as though the whole thing was your fault.

I would also suggest talking to your doctor and having him refer you for some short term therapy. It does sound like you have become obsessed with this incident and this person and that is not healthy for your future. Talking with a good therapist is also a good idea because they can teach you ways of coping and dealing with situations just like this. Because in your life, there will be plenty of more sucky people that for whatever reason will do crappy things that will effect you, without them even thinking twice about it. You need to learn how to better deal with your current situation and how to avoid getting hurt so badly when the sh*t comes rolling down the pike in the future.

Plan a day to wallow in your feelings about that day. Be on your own at home. Cry. Shout. Rage in a mirror. Get it all out. Every shred of anger, grief, and whatever else you are holding onto. Try to do something physical while you are venting like hitting a pillow or hitting the couch with a pillow. Write a letter to the “friend” who hurt you. Tell her everything you felt. Then burn the letter (be careful) or tear it up.

Resolve to talk about the events with three people and no more. Tell the story. To a therapist. To a trusted family member or to a friend. Just three times. Then, let it go.

Then move on. If you find yourself thinking about it, substitute thoughts about your future instead. Every time.

@Kardamom

Haha…and roll it will… haha
It’s how we hose off our sidewalks afterwards that count! :-)

Wash that shit down the sewer, where it belongs!

Try looking at it in a positive light.

Do you like where you are now? Do you like your new friends? Then see it as a close to one chapter of your life and the opening of a new one. Yes, it’s a dark cloud, but you have to see the silver lining it it, and really, it’s as simple as, wow, thanks to that event, I’m in a better place than I was then.

There is an old proverb that says “This too shall pass.” And this will help drive that concept into your mind. Every time you start to dwell on the hurtful things of the past, unless it is to form an action plan to deal with them, recall this imagery, and its message that “This too shall pass.”

Sounds like you left something back there unresolved. Maybe you should confront her.