I'm single because...?

I’m single because my tentacles always scare them off.

I’m single because my ex glued a wedding band to my finger.

I’m single because my third nipple is a tad distracting.

Cos I’ve got my head screwed on the wrong way round!

I’m single because women don’t notice my inner beauty.

I’m single because the ladies don’t like my Star Wars action figure collection.

Apparently no women can hold their breath for more than a minute or two ! GOSH

I’m single because I pick my nose with two fingers.

I’m single because I’m packing 4 inches….

Not many women can handle that kind of diameter.

I’m single because I spend too much time on Fluther.

I’m single because facial hair on my nose is apparently a turn-off.

I’m single because most woman want to have the bigger pair of boobs in the relationship.

I’m single because eating like a barbarian is frowned upon.

I think it’s ok to dress ferrets.

I’m single because lip stick on men doesn’t look right.

I’m single because I have a ferret with a hat as my avatar.

I’m single because I’m an intimidating beast! >:^(

@erichw1504 I’m so happy about your new avatar. You have no idea. That completely turned my day around.

I’m single because my tattoos on my hands match my finger nail art.

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard I just had to, that picture is hilarious.

I’m single because I sometimes hang out with @erichw1504…..

TA-DA

I’m single because girls don’t like when I fart the ABC’s on the first date.

I’m single because Batman isn’t real. :(

I’m single because no man could fit his ice cream and steaks into my frizzer that’s completely filled with Brussels sprouts and tofu.

I’m single because I want to be.

Yep, because I choose to be.

I was married for almost 22 years, dated someone for several years after my divorce 8 years ago, and, now, very HAPPILY single for the last 6. I’m good…jeez, relationship is not the end all and be all of life.

I’m single because there was one in the chamber after all.

I’m single because I’m not big enough to be a double.

“I’m single because I was born that way.”
—Mae West

I’m single because I masturbate while watching Sesame Street.
No ladies can possibly compare to Big Bird, uh huh….no way!

I’m single ‘cause I want to be.

I’m single because I’m just too awesome for everyone. And probably too young to date anyway.

@laineybug
Exactly!

I’m single because boys in Alaska aren’t attractive/smart enough for me.(:

I’m single because I didn’t care for the alternative.

I’m single because Alan Rickman has ruined me for other men.

That is, unless Patrick Stewart or Charles Shaugnessy came knocking at my door : P

I’m single because my siamese twin is gay and I’m straight and we share the same ass and dick.

I’m single because the backwoods town I live in hates hates hates a strong woman. So I hate them back and get on with my life…

I am single because my best friend started a rumor about me that I am a lesbian. Let’s just say we have a love hate relationship. lol

I’m single of my own doing.

I am single because I love someone else… my books.

@King_Pariah Well that was fucked up lol.

I’m single because I’m lazy.

@noelleptc LOL! Yeah, that’ll do it. :(

I’m single because my ex wife was a moron. Seemed like a good idea at the time…

I’m single because no man can keep up with my high sex drive

I’m single because I always hit my target.

I’m single because people don’t like being hacked to pieces and stored under my floorboards, I guess. Wussies.

@Symbeline That sounds really kinky.

I can’t find a guy whose foot smell compliments mine.

I’m single because no one ‘round here is into BDSM…

@noelleptc

Do you really have 8 cats? And Ferrets?

Thats a lot of memory on the memory foam. haha

Okay….I feel pretty good about only having two cats and two geese.

You’re too young to be a nutty cat lady. lol

@noelleptc Well that’s a great attitude, getting old IS great, you don’t give a shit anymore, because everything you used to worry about when you are young, has already happened. lol

@Joker94 Same boat here. where have you been all my life?

@janedelila @Joker94 wow, two others? and I thought I was all alone…

i’m single because stalkers have different thoughts in mind

@King_Pariah @Joker94 Yay! A threesome!

I’m a single woman with no kids but only ever meet men who want me to make kids or already have them.
I’m not single anymore.

I’m single because I smell like a dead raccoon stuffed with cottage cheese.

@erichw1504

Thanks for that Cafe Vienna moment. :-/

I fluther too much!

I’m single because the mole on my face is hairier than the top of my head.

because I can only answer a question with a question.

I’m single because this rash is not going away.

I’m single because all the guys know I’m in love with @erichw1504…

I’m single because I’m too hot to handle. ~sizzle~

I’m single because Bruce Wayne/Batman is a little far away…. D:

Because sometimes its just nice to do what you want

I’m single because Natalie Portman is now engaged.

@erichw1504 That’s no excuse, it’s not marriage and nothing is written in stone. GO GET HER!

@King_Pariah and she is pregnant with her fiance’s baby.

So? That’s 2 for the price of one.

@Blueroses Yes, that’s what I want to do. Go on a date with a pregnant Natalie Portman while her fiance comes over and kicks my ass.

@erichw1504 Around here, we call that “Tuesday”.

@erichw1504 pregnant? Nothing a set of stairs can’t take care of.

@King_Pariah That is probably the most disturbing idea I’ve ever heard.

And I like it!

@King_Pariah…
That’s aweful…

At least @King_Pariah didn’t threaten to falcon punch a pregnant lady!

Single because I am saving it for when I get to the mansion.

better hurry @blueiiznh There’s some concern about running out of rooms.

@blueroses its out of my hands

@KatetheGreat That’s because it’s more believable to say she tripped down the stairs rather than she tripped and her stomach happened to land on my hand which just happened to be closed into a fist with the force of… “FALCON PUNCH!!!!”

Then again you could do a Chuck Norris Round House Kick and say that Chuck Norris felt that the baby was unworthy of living.

I’m single because my mom comes with me on every date.

@erichw1504 that explains why you can’t get Natalie Portman…

@King_Pariah Oh yeah… I never thought about that.

I am single because Natalie Portman prefers it that way!

I’m single because my breath smells like raw onion. And I carry an axe at all times.

@Symbeline thats far better than carrying a raw onion and smelling like an axe

@blueiiznh…what the fuck?

That was awesome.

@Symbeline plus i would prefer kissing someone with the smell of axe (not ass) over onion on their breath!

@blueiiznh & @Symbeline and it’s even better than smelling like a raw axe while carrying Natalie Portman.

@erichw1504 but not quite as good as carrying a raw Natalie Portman on an axe smelling of onions

@blueiiznh,
Wow….. That’s awesome. XD

@blueiiznh but still not quite as smelling Natalie Portman while she axes onions with your mom in attendance.

…I uh…have a horsie.

I’m single because I smell like grandpa’s aftershave mixed with red wine vinegar.