Where do you draw the line between "hard to get" and "not interested"?

You will have to ask him. He is the only one that knows.

IMO if you have to ask, it’s not worth it. There’s nothing wrong with playing slightly hard to get but if you can’t even tell if they are interested, they either aren’t interested or have some issues that are too much work to bother with.

I’m with @keobooks. If he isn’t making it obvious that he’s into you, then he’s either not into you, or he’s incompetent. I think your best bet is to write him off now, and who knows, maybe he’ll pleasantly surprise you down the line.

There could be so many things.

In the first place, and you shouldn’t forget this, you said that you each have tried to re-establish contact since the date, and you’ve missed each other’s calls. Despite the brave new world we live in, people are not always available by phone. That may come as a shock to some. And you said that you’re both busy. His schedule may not jibe completely with yours.

That’s just the stuff that you mentioned.

Aside from that, he may have a lingering doubt, suspicion, concern, call it whatever, that 1) he pushed you away from a relationship because of his flirting (and no honorable man would countenance that) and / or 2) you still have feelings for the other guy.

And he doesn’t want to come on too strong – same as you don’t want to.

Relax. Breathe. Take a walk. Answer his call when he calls again.

Hopefully he’s not the kind of guy who only likes women who are in committed relationships.

If I was you I wouldn’t chase after him, not out of a desire to be hard to get but rather because he doesn’t seem very interested so you should be looking at and pursuing all your other options.

Another vote and lurve for @keobooks.

@WasCy: Always seem to be the voice of reason! Thanks. Personally I would not pursue someone who just got out of a relationship. Bad news. If he is feeling that way, I can understand why. In my case though, I don’t have feelings for my ex – not even a little bit… which is the only reason I am considering this new person.

@tranquilsea: I’m also with you…. that suspicion crossed my mind. (Albeit I happen to be an extremely suspicious person).

I am leaning towards him being interested, due to his behavior over the past months. He did ask me out after all. We got quite close, hand touching, he touched my face, etcetera. Gosh, I’m sounding rather sappy aren’t I? I’m also not the easiest person to get ahold of on the phone. I only use a home phone (I think I enjoy the “dark ages”). I do have a text device… Did I really just say “text device”? Talk about dark ages! which we have communicated on, which he hasn’t done lately. Just seems to be calling daily, and I miss it. Sigh. If he really wanted to get ahold of me, wouldn’t he just text?

I have to admit, it sounds a lot even to myself like I am making excuses. I can’t figure out what to think! I know I am a chronic worrier, obsesser, and pessimist. Maybe he has a life and is concentrating on important things assessments right now. Like I should be doing…..

Do you guys think this is a bit of a hopeless case? Am I just taking this too overboard? I have also considered @keobooks point of view. I am just wondering whether I’m taking the lack of contact too seriously. It isn’t like he hasn’t tried, right?

I’ve gotta admit – its been a long time since I’ve had any kind of feelings, or need to get into the swing of this dating etiquette. Dusting off the cob webs. Again, as always, all your insights are much appreciated.

Ok… back to the books (for awhile).

Every relation is different so you guys have to figure it out [ in time ]

Well, I for one am holding everything off until after exams, so if you’re both in a similar situation… could you both afford to spare the time, or are you better off waiting til the pressure’s off in a few weeks?

@The_Idler: Yes, that was my intention as well! Seems like my intention went out the window (not surprising). You are definitely right… waiting until the pressure is off is probably the best course of action, realistically. Perhaps it is even the pressure that is making me feel intense about this, a way to distract myself from the inevitable work. Just going to try to put it out of my mind until then, and re-asses what is going on at that point.

It’s only a week since the end of that long-term relationship. A week isn’t long enough to decide if the “pattern” of missed and unanswered calls is even a pattern at all. He may just have a busy week.

If you have an alternative means other than the phone of contacting him, try it. Maybe a text message would be better than a call, because he can answer it at his own leisure. The only thing that you can do is let HIM know you’re still interested. If he doesn’t take the bait then either he isn’t interested, or his routine doesn’t match up with yours sufficiently to make a relationship possible.

It’s hard to tell. But here’s a tip: If the person shows s/he isn’t interested and you ignore him/her for some time and s/he comes back (and this pattern repeats a couple of times) then I guess s/he’s playing hard to get.