In the past, I’ve felt that women say they want a nice guy, but they really prefer a bad boy instead. It could be true. I’ve worked on being a good boy, and that hasn’t kept me alone. However, I have also worked on being a bad boy, and I’m afraid to say that women seem to like my bad boy guise better than the good boy one.
I’ve had a number of lovers in my life, both when I was good and bad. Not a one of them has ever commented on the size of my cock. Some have said I’m a good lover. I’ve written some steamy things here that may give women a reason to suspect I’m a good lover (bad boy), but I wasn’t always able to do that. I think I’ve gradually become a better lover over the 34 years I’ve been at it.
The bad boy part fits in in the beginning before things get terribly physical. You tell a story that hints of danger and mystery, while at the same time reassuring that you are caring and concerned with them. It’s not really much of a mystery—it’s more about being humorous or hinting of a dissolute past and that you’ve learned a lot through your experiences.
But when you get intimate, then you want to focus entirely on her, and you kind of have to want to do that. You can’t fake it. Of course, if you’re with the right woman, she is doing the same thing in return. It’s kind of an amazing feedback circle when each of you wants to arouse the other without concern about yourself.
This is a love making game where penis size really doesn’t matter. What matters is what’s between your ears. What matters is the stories you can spin, so the woman gets caught up in it and wants to play it out. Generally it’s a story you both spin together. When you do this, both of you start feeling light and crazy and a bit out of your bodies even as you are firmly grounded in your bodies.
In love, no one cares about pure physical sensation. So don’t focus on that. Focus on the relationship. Focus on the sense of connection. If a woman feels connected and safe and loved she will open up; let down at least some of her barriers, and then she is yours. Of course, you are hers, as well.
Can you imagine thinking about your penis size in such a situation? Both of you are just being—no thinking—just being together. It is your spiritual connection that matters. Penises are just a part of it, and not all that important a part of it. No one is thinking about measuring length and girth in these moments. A woman is just feeling (at some point) how much she wants you inside her because of the magical way that makes her feel (unless she has had trauma around this).
Now I know that we (guys) tend to identify very strongly with our penises. It’s as if we are our penises, or they are us. The physical sensation coming specifically from a penis makes us focus there. For women it’s much more diffuse. It’s the entire experience. And for us, it’s the entire experience, too, but we can easily distill that down to our penises. But women, if they feel the larger thing, don’t mind focusing on your penis at all. Well, some women. Not all.
But for me, acceptance of my penis is the ultimate acceptance. That’s what I seek. That’s what makes me impatient. Do you love me enough to take me inside you? That’s what I want to know. When I am refused, I feel alone and my self esteem takes a big hit. When my wife refused me for years, I felt worthless. Only on the few rare occasions when she did take me in did I feel like a person.
I don’t think that’s something that is easy for women to understand. My wife doesn’t get it, and we’ve been working on it for three years. When we are talking about the ineffable connection between man and woman, I am my penis. This sounds totally stupid to women. They don’t generally identify with their vaginas that way. It is generally a more diffuse experience and what happens before to make them feel safe to open up is really important.
But, perhaps for me, we need entrance first. That’s what opens us up to being loving and touching. Oh. Now we know. She loves us. We relax. The tension and fear of rejection are gone.
Very opposite. And almost always, it has to be the woman’s way. That’s just the way it is. And maybe that’s good. A lot of times men will get what they want—that pleasure and hit of acceptance, and then they’ll take off instead of hanging around for the other good stuff.
But, I think that if you understand that underneath the exterior, which may appear to be a bad boy, there lies a good boy who will not abandon you, then maybe you’ll do it the guy way sometimes. Although there are women who like it the guy way, too.