"If you're living with a depressed person, it's pretty hard not to get depressed yourself." In your experience, is this true?

I find it difficult to not fall into the depression with them. It is especially hard if they don’t realize they are depressed just because they are not “sad” or tearful because of the depression. Depression can present as irritability and lack of interest in other activities and intimacy. My partner has shown symptoms of depression but refuses to do anything about it because he doesn’t “feel sad” even though he has said his circumstances in his life make him miserable at this time. He even had an axiety attack a couple weeks ago because he can’t express his emotions. I am sick of being snapped at and ignored in the relationship now and am trying to break away. The relationship has caused anxiety for me at this point and has effected my health. My blood pressure has been so high I had to seek treatment. I have decided to take charge and change my life because only I can be responsible for my happiness. So, I would say yes, your partners depression can have effects on your well being if you allow it.

I think it’s true. A simple example is one depressed person changing the mood of a group of people. When everyone notices that one person is depressed, they feel it’s inappropriate to carry on having a good time.

I’ve never lived with a depressed person, but I had a very good friend that was depressed. I finally had to stop our friendship as she was bringing me down, too. This was after many, many years of trying to help her, get her to seek help, etc. I couldn’t do that to myself any longer.

It hasn’t worked out that way for me. Part of the reason is my natural temperament; I’m generally an emotional Steady Eddie, which may have been one reason my wife was attracted to me in the first place (she comes from a crisis-a-minute family).

And then I probably do a fair bit of compensation for her negative outlook; I had for years assumed that she relied on my bouyancy to keep her afloat. I didn’t dare be anything but cheerful. Nowadays, almost three decades into our marriage, I’m not so sure about that. In fact, I’ve begun to wonder if she hasn’t been doing some compensation of her own all these years.

She grew up consoling her family members through their various crises (still does). She had the self-appointed role of emotional leveler, trying to restore some kind of emotional equilibrium, even if that equilibrium was a dreary one. I was an unfamiliar animal to her, emotion-wise. I think that she’s vaguely unsettled by my generally upbeat outlook. While it may lighten her up in some ways, I think she also reads it as a dangerous insouciance, and feels obliged to counter-balance it with a stiff dose of negativity. Weird dynamic.

Whatever the cause, she’s the downer and I’m the upper, and it seems to actually work in some mysterious way.

I think depression is the ONLY mental illness that is contagious!

It’s true for me, yes. When my (current) husband was very unhappy during a bad phase in his career, I definitely took on his emotions. But I’m like that by nature. I’m Super Empathy Girl.

When I was married to my first husband, and I was the depressed one, it just made him angry and eventually led him to see me with contempt.

Both of my parents have recently started taking anti-depressants. I feel guilty.

Depression is like a pair of cement shoes for everyone and anyone who has to share the same air as the depressed person.

I think anger and resentment build up more likelier than depression, particularly on an ongoing basis. People have to be predisposed to depression for it to take hold, I think.

Agreed.

@dannyc, what about the popular wisdom that depression is anger turned inward?

Not in my experience. Mr. Fiance has been awesome with me and is one of the best influences to help me resist and avoid depressive thought patterns.

Please clarify, @Seelix: is Mr. F. suffering from depression but helping fortify you against the effects of it?

@Jeruba – No; sorry for the confusion. I’ve suffered from depression and anxiety for years and he never has – he’s been great in that he seems to understand what I’m going through though he doesn’t deal with it himself.