What's the funniest/best put-down you've personally heard?

The best insults are Shakespearean, and my favorite is from Othello:

Thou dolt, you’re as ignorant as dirt.

Married With Children on Netflix you will have too many to count.

Drunk bloke in a bar : ’‘gaw..love to get into them jeans’’
lady :’’ don’t bother, ther’s already one a*** hole in there ”
loved it to bits, and yes, i did use it eventualy !

When I was at school we had this ubercool sports teacher. He was always up for a laugh & made us feel at ease most of the time. However, he wanted me to join the school rugby team because of my speed & agility.
I declined for two reasons, I loved my football & I didn’t want to get knocked out by the big buggers who played the game. Anyway, safe to say he wasn’t pleased with my reluctant attitude toward the game he loved. He got me in his office & basically ranted at me, the highlight being he called me a “big girl’s blouse!!” Not the best i’ve heard, but certainly a memorable one.

As a teen, I hated when Mom asked me to fetch this and that inside the house so most of the time even if that thing was just in front of me, I just really could not see it due to my extreme disinterest. She would put me down by saying, “If that was a snake you’re looking for, you would be bitten and drop dead by now.” After more than six or seven exact occasions, I ended up with my own smart ass put-down when I responded, “Well if I was looking for a snake, I’d probably want you to look for it for me.”

“If I were your wife I should flavor your tea with poison”, reply; “If I were your husband I should surely drink it”.

@woodcutter LOL!

“I didn’t come down here to listen to your insults”. Reply; “That’s what you think”.

” Shut your festering gob, you putrid tit!”

Dick Hole! LMAO

Fat woman: “You’re just jealous of my body.”
Me: “YEAH! Diabetes never looked so good!”
Or…
Me: “Suck it easy. ‘Cause you can’t do it on expert.”

Several years ago, at a party, my drunk ex wife accused another woman of having an affair with me.
The accusation was false, but the “other woman” said the following…
“If I ever have an affair with a married man, he will be richer and younger than your husband”.
Beautiful.

The best one I heard with my ears was in boot camp when the DI told some knob “Oh, you are one of those smart guys with two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it!”

Or one mans comment about a woman he found repulsive, “She is so ugly I would not even *%#?@ her with your dick”.

The funniest, most honest one I’ve heard came at a party where,Battling Bessie Braddock, fiery Labour MP from Liverpool once said to Churchill, “Winston, you’re drunk!” To which he replied, “Bessie, you’re ugly, but in the morning I shall be sober.”