When dating; what are some important things to not over look or ignore.

If they say that they take their bad day out on others, or that you shouldn’t date them because they’ll end up hurting you, take them at their word.

Be aware of in men: grooming, consideration, emotional presence, willingness to just listen, and his not trying to fix everything.

At least that’s what I hear women complain about men the most.

Once it gets “serious” and you meet the family, really look at the family.

If his aftershave/cologne is basically neat whiskey, i’d run a mile in the opposite direction…..quickly!

Note how he behaves in a restaurant. How does he treat the waitstaff?
It can be an important “tell” about how life will be.

My Dad always told me that you can tell a lot about someone by how he treats a service person. If he’s nice to you, nice to your friends and his, nice to his colleagues, but is not nice to the waitress, he is not a nice man. I found that to be an excellent measure.

Adding to what @worriedguy and @JilltheTooth said, also note that it’s a good sign, but not to rely on it too heavily – there are people who treat waitstaff wonderfully, and those close to them like shit.

If they’re controlling/possessive.
If they’re “stagnant” – lacking ambition, dedication, perseverance. Not much of a bright future if you do all the work and they depend on you for it.
If they’re unreliable and irresponsible.
If they don’t respect your time.
If they lack empathy.
Take note of what they think of and how they treat children and animals.

Sooner or later in dating both of you would discuss your beliefs, sentiments and hopes in life. It is in his words would you gain so much knowledge about him so pay attention closely. And then, if you proceed to date him some more, take note if he follows through on what he said by his actions and additional statements. Watch out for inconsistencies.

Sometimes a person is so good in expressing and describing himself in ways not exactly accurate and they do this to get your approval.

No pulse.~

If you feel uncomfortable by his behavior in anyway, it’s probably not a good sign for the future. Just trust your intuition and you should be fine.

If he has cheated on women he has been involved with in the past.

Is everything some else’s fault? Does he refer to people as stupid or idiot? Does he have friends?

His commitment habits… does he move around a lot? Does he keep in touch with family? Friends? Does it seem like he’s afraid to say he’ll do something (ie. make a commitment that will last a few weeks or months)? Also, the waitstaff treating thing is HUGE.

I like @JilltheTooth and @Vunessuh – Both of their respective responses are the best answer, in my opinion.

@marinelife – not sure I completely agree. Obviously there are some people who cheat and do it just because they are assholes. There are others who are nice guys but have unfortunately given into temptation at times or simply weren’t mature enough to know their responsibilities in a relationship and didn’t care for the consequence of their mistakes. Once someone finds another they truly want to be with and are not willing to mess up because of the consequences, then they will right the ship.

My mother told me that she fell in love with my father after she observed how sweet he was with his mother.

Good advise @worriedguy, @Vunessuh. I agree with you @JHUstudent and @gailcalled.. I think you can tell a lot about a guy in the way they treat and talk about their mother.. And other people. What about The way they drive? Should I worry if he gets impatient when in traffic and makes bad comments about other drivers? That’s a big one too no?

I’ve been dating a guy for a month, and whenever he stays at my house I wait till he’s asleep then turn over and snuggle the cat instead of him. I’m pretty sure that’s a bad sign about my affection for him.

I wouldn’t say these are red flags, but two great ways to figure out how someone will treat you are to observe him when he is drunk and when he is with people he’s been friends with for a long time.

From what I have observed, How people are when they are drunk is how they are really. The guy who is super belligerent and angry when drunk will probably be super belligerent and angry if he loses control in any other situation.

See how he treats the people he’s known for a long time. If he treats them badly, then he will come to treat you badly with time. If he treats them well, he will probably treat you well. Observe how he is with them because comfort with you will lead to similar behaviors.

@sliceswiththings: I don’t think it’s a bad sign. My boyfriend and I never fall asleep cuddling because it is downright uncomfortable to be entwined with another human being when trying to sleep.

How he has treated people he has had disagreements with. For instance, his ex. If he was caring and considerate and respectful, even though they broke up, he is a keeper.

How he eats. I think how a man eats can give clues to how he will be in bed. For instance, my husband takes ages to eat an ice cream. He really, really savours every mouthful :-D

Things that irritate you even slightly. Poor table manners, dirty nails and the like. If they catch your attention in a negative way in the early days, that isn’t likely to improve.

One other thing-does he borrow money from you? Is he always going to treat “next time” or he’s always low on cash? Big red flags.

He doesn’t have to pay for everything, but at least be up front about what he can afford, or if you’re going dutch.

I want to know if they have good long time friends.
I want to know if they treat their parents well.
I want to know if they are responsible and accountable parents.
I want to know how they have treated exes.

Well, you dont want them to be too friendly with their ex….
I don’t think the number of friends they have should be a huge deciding factor….I mean, Charles Manson had a lot of friends.