For your boyfriend to hide things from you, is it a bad sign?

As the guy I would want to delete you for snooping.

Lots of people have trouble waking up early. I know I did in university, you can dismiss that doubt from your worries.

Perhaps he thinks you snoop and he is concerned you might read more into the conversation than there actually is? Of course there could be more, but it could equally just be two people who study together and chat and there is nothing going on. You know, if you go looking for trouble, you can quite often find it.

I think he should be alarmed by the fact you’re reading his facebook without his knowledge or permission!

I think you already tagged him with a red flag or else you would not have needed to “check up” on him. Imagine if he went through your mail, emails, chats, and phone contact “just out of curiosity”? I think he deleted it just for the very reason you are demonstrating, you were going to read more into the conversation than the conversation dictated. I think maybe in the relationship as you not as secure as you think you are. If you were you sure you “have the job” you would not worry so much about him having a conversation with a female short of him saying how her lips tasted and he want to taste her Southern lips. As long as nothing concrete appears in the chat you should not worry about it. If you are always looking for trouble that will be the only thing you will see above your radar.

If you tell others everything about you and all your thoughts what remains for you ?
Some things should be personal and some need to remain in the dark.

Not to mention that if someone hides things from another he has his/her reasons.

A belated welcome to Fluther!

As for the request for a wake-up call, I wouldn’t worry about it. When I worked in a 24/7 job doing shifts, many co-workers used to call into work before going to bed and ask the person on duty to give them a wake-up call. Hotels still offer the wake-up call service despite having alarm clocks in the rooms, and a surprising number of guests take advantage of it.

As for why he deleted this one chat history, we could give you theories, but only the bf can answer this question. I suggest that you let it go, and if you cannot, ask him.

P.S. Were you snooping, or do you have permission to read posts on his account?

Snooping always causes you to misunderstand things because you don’t have the full story. Has he given you any other reason to distrust him? Unless it’s “Oh, baby, baby you were hot last night.” you need to butt out of his relationships with others; it will only cause you to act in ways that will bring about the end of the relationship because of your behavior.

It sounds fishy.
As for snooping,you already know you shouldn’t do that

Only you can answer this question. How much have you bugged him in the past about suspicions you had? How closely do monitor his communications?

That will tell you how likely it is that you are the reason he deleted the conversation, which was then probably perfectly innocent.

You should not have to be monitoring your boyfriend’s communications. If you feel you have to, then either he has shown himself to be not trustworthy ot you have some self-esteem issues that cause you to be overly anxious and suspicious. Only you know which of these is likely.

If it is you, then you need to get help for it (therapy). Otherwise, you will continue to poison all of your relationships. No one will put up with that for long.

I think everyone has offered some food for thought here.

Snooping leads to another hiding even more, and hiding encourages snooping, a vicious & dysfunctional cycle on both ends.

You need to have an open talk about expectations, boundaries, and what each of you are comfortable with in the area of opposite sex friendships.

I’ve had many people, long out of college, ask me to give them a wake up call (I’m a normally very early riser). Male and female. He probably deleted those discussions because he thought you might be bothered by them. Personally, from what you said, I would see no Cause For Alarm. Except you decided to go through his chat history and now you have a bee in your bonnet.

If you don’t check the urge to keep track of your boyfriend’s every move then that bee is going to get really busy and really ruin your relationship.

I know people are bagging on you for snooping, but there was something in your gut that made your red flag go up. If it were me, I would keep my guard up just a bit, and keep an eye on this girl. That’s just me though. I tend to trust my gut. How reliable has your gut instinct been in the past?

Ok. Let’s clear up the scene here. I’m sorry if my earlier explanation caused many to misunderstand. I have had his facebook account password since day one. I guess it’s a “childish/college” way of trying to prove that there’s nothing to hide. Yes, we exchanged our passwords.

That one morning, what happened was more of a “white” snoop. I accidentally went to his computer to do some price check on my beauty product (since his computer was directly connected to the modem, and the wireless router broke). It went straight to his facebook account where the chat was still open. Im guessing the night before, he was so tired that he just hibernated the computer. And NO he does not know I am “snooping” as you guys would call it.

It’s been a while since we leave the life of chatting through “messengers.” We both, personally, just do not see a point in chatting using AIM/MSN if we can still talk in person with these people. Then, there’s facebook wall-to-wall, it just beats the purpose of going on AIM for countless of hours. I mean, there’s phone for god’s sake. He has unlimited text message, and I’m pretty sure he has enough to call and keep in contact with whomever a lot easier. However, these past few days, hes been on FB chat whenever hes gotten the chance. Yes, I am suspicious. Maybe that’s also part of the driving force to want to look at what was all the chat about.

There were 4 people. One- her, the other three consist of another girl and two other guys. So I did a little “snoop” since curiosity got the best of me, and behind the back of my mind just screams “why going online out of the blue?”

I did a little scan, just on what the little facebook chat can allow me to see without scrolling up. As you can see, the only one that caught my attention was hers. So I went up further asking myself WHY did she even ask SOMEONE who’s taken to call her in the morning for a wake up call. My thought here is, “why HIM?” Does she not have any other friends that she can rely on? I mean, girl friends?! I mean, they were not the ONLY ones who took the final—there were many others. You get what I’m saying? To make matters worse, the night after, I saw that he deleted HERS, out of all the chats he had that night.To a girl, what’s that all about?

So, to answer some of the questions up there: No, he does not know. It was unintentional.

However, I do have a question to the guy who thought what I did was beyond what a girl should be doing. Do you expect girls to just sit back and wait for you day-in and day-out, even if we have our own notions to wonder—- why has he been acting up lately? I’m sorry, but that’s just completely wrong. I suppose many guys clicked the “great answer.” I apologize, but that’s just not the case I am in, and if it were, you guys shouldnt even have ANYTHING to hide, if your relationship were based on mutual trust and understanding.

Yes there should still be some secrets in the hidden chest somewhere. But I dont think talking to a girl, getting closer and closer to talking to her daily will be something you should be hiding away from your girl. I’m just saying, from a girl’s perspective. That’s just wrong.

Also, if you are following this question, I would like to thank you for that.

Is he really hiding it from you? Do you know for sure he deleted it? Facebook can be very screwy sometimes, especially with which chats are saved and not saved. I know from my own page that not all of my chats are saved as messages, but some show up. It’s weird and I’m really not sure how it picks which ones to save as messages and which ones not to save.

That in mind, it really doesn’t matter what she says or does or why she does it, what matters is his response to it. If he is really hiding it from you, then yes, you have a problem. The question is, what do you do about it from here? Do you confront him or just wait and see what else happens. Obviously there is stuff going on that makes it so you feel you needed to look at his chats and then go back later to look again (when you noticed it had be deleted). If you can’t trust him, ask yourself why. Is this something that can be repaired? If not, is this really the relationship you want to have? Good luck!

Who knows, maybe he knows you’re paranoid and deletes his chat history so that you won’t misinterpret his chats with friends. Seems like they’re just friends but we don’t know.

… you guys shouldn’t even have ANYTHING to hide, if your relationship were based on mutual trust and understanding. If it is mutual trust and understanding you trust enough not to do things too. Just because you could do not mean you should. Do you trust him that much as you elude to that he has your pin number and all of your financial details?

I don’t see that you’ve posted anything that’s wrong. She is perhaps a little overly friendly, but that may be just her personality.

A boyfriend is not a possession. You cannot hold him in a relationship if hedoesn’t want to be held. Are you looking for a reason to dump him? Sometimes if you’ve had bad luck with boyfriends before, it’s possible to inadvertently set up a situation with a boyfriend (or girlfriend) to prove that he’s no different than all the others.

Unless “wake me up in the morning” means “roll over and kiss me honey” the girl sounds somewhat needy and demanding. That usually doesn’t go very far.

@johnpowell hit the nail on the head with this one. . . the only thing you should be worried about is your own insecurity in having to snoop through his messages and turn such a non-issue conversation into something you should worry about.

Unless this guy has given you reason to feel this way (i.e. he’s cheated in the past), then I don’t see anything to fret about. This attitude can eventually undermine your relationship, so I suggest you see where these feelings are coming from and work on them :/