Have you ever contemplated an action with a selfish benefit but that would hurt others you love?

Contemplated??
I have done it.
One man’s selfishness is another man’s self-preservation.

I despise manipulation on all levels. I have never genuinely made choices of a selfish nature that have harmed others.

I DO, however, always choose my own values and integrity, and, if that means leaving a job or relationship because it no longer works for me, then yes, to some others that might feel selfish.

I recently let go of a longtime ‘friend’, whose manipulative behavior had reached a place that I could no longer tolerate. A gentle but candid confrontation did not work, and, of course this person feels I am at fault, kill the messenger rather than take the message to heart and look within.

In their opinion I have chosen to let go of an ‘innocent; and caring friend, and was told I was ‘rotten.’ haha

I said, ” Of course I am rotten, I called you on your shit!” lol

As @lucillelucillelucille says so well, one mans selfishness IS another mans self-preservation.

If someone wants to call me selfish and rotten for not eating their shit with a smile on my face, well…so be it.

The important thing is, I don’t comprimise my OWN values and standards.

To many unconscious and dysfunctional people, any act of self integrity or boundary setting feels like selfishness. Oh well, that’s their problem. ;-)

Great answer @Coloma and I am not ashamed to admit I have acted selfishly as @lucillelucillelucille said…“one mans selfishness IS another mans self-preservation.”
I try though to avoid hurting anyone…not always successful in that regard and do try my best to make up for it at all possible.

@lucillelucillelucille and @Cruiser What was your thinking in making this choice? Why did you choose the selfish course of action?

I think it is a given that for most people, deciding to hurt someone they care about is an agonizing decision. Did you feel any guilt for hurting the people you hurt? Would you do it again in the same situation?

@wundayatta- Self preservation….I am no good to anyone if I am not good to myself.I have to do what is good for me.

I’ve contemplated of course but I usually am strong enough to restrain myself.

Do you mean like having Skype sex with a person you are not married to when you are married to someone else?

Yes to all of it but it was acceptable to me because along the lines of my code of integrity and self preservation this what I chose to do had benefits that outweighed the fallout. Like @Coloma, I’ve cut with people who believed they should have a place in my life but who actually would add more stress and frustration to it than joy. As nicely as possible I explained my decision wasn’t because there was no love but because that person’s actions threatened the sanctity of the security I try to keep for the people closest to me. I was told you’re supposed to keep family close but my reply was that I keep the people close who do no harm, my life didn’t have room for troublemakers.

Isn’t the important part not that you, same as every other human, contemplated it, but if you actually went through it? People don’t come out of the womb knowing where the line between being selfish and doing what’s right for them that @Coloma mentioned. You find the line by doing the contemplating and working it through in your head, and weighing the pros and the cons. So anyone who has any semblance of a grasp on that line has, by default, contemplated it. I don’t care that, in a moment of extreme anger, you thought “fuck it all, I’m just going to fake my own death and people will just have to deal”, I care about if you actually went through with it. Having this thought process isn’t a crime; to not have this thought process would be the crime.

I could have gone home to visit my family once, but I decided to go on vacation with a woman instead lol. I don’t think I actually hurt anyone, though. I made empty promises to come home repeatedly, but I didn’t so I guess that was messed up. My reasoning was that we’re all living our lives, and their lives would go on if I postponed one more time. I’m finally flying home this Friday, though.

I’m not selfish. I contemplate being selfish daily. There are many actions I could of taken in my life to go down the path of selfishness but I haven’t. Everytime I think about it I can’t do it.

In fact guilt is my BFF. My BFF guilt won’t let me be selfish. If I didn’t feel so bad I’d be selfish and get rid of guilt. I’ve caught myself in a catch 22. :/

I’m all about self-preservation.
And never fault anyone else for it either—even when it hurts.

On the flip side, I’ve had to hurt someone I loved because they had so sense of self-preservation.

Sucks.

When I decided to leave my husband and become a single mother, many of his friends and family saw this as selfish on my part. It hurt me to be with him. He was like a pollutant to my air that I was trying to purify.

Now, without him, I am pursuing the life of peace and helping others that I always imagined. Being with him and his anger and criticisms did not allow me to be that person. Two years later, he still begs me to come back but this side of the grass is much greener!

I liked @Coloma‘s answer a lot. One of the things I learned recently in improving my good relationships was to look at the ones that were no longer serving me and let those people know in a kind way that our friendship has come to an end. They never understand why, even when I make it “all about me”. But sometimes you have to let go of that person who constantly lets you down in order to grow.

I think self-preservation and being selfish are often synonymous.

Also deciding not to return to visit my sick father is perceived by many to be selfish, but it is the only way I know to keep my sanity and peace.

I have contemplated, but would never act. Example: A lot of my husband’s income is spent helping our sons and grandsons, who are currently unemployed. I could just send them to live under the bushes, the way thousands of other unemployed people are doing in this country, and do the things we want to do, but I would never do that.

Yes.
[ and there’s no way I’ll explain why ]

I think I lived in a perpetual state of selfishness at the expense of loved ones my entire teenage life.