Women, have you ever been pressured into doing something sexual?

I was pressured constantly by my ex-husband. In hind sight, he may have been a sex addict or at least has some kind of disorder. I would sometimes give in just to avoid the drama (whining, begging, pleading, sulking, anger, and on and on and on). If he didn’t get off three times a day, he accused me of not “wanting” him. I told him that I could love chocolate cake with all my heart, but if he tried to make me eat it three times a day I was gonna get sick of it.

In all honesty, I’ve probably been pressured for sex to some degree for most of my adult life.

I have had guys try to pressure me into different sex acts that I was not comfortable with.

I was raped before so that would be the ultimate pressure.
I have however dated some very nice men (except one) and no one has ever put me in a situation where I felt“pressure” to do anything.
If I should ever be in a rape situation again,I will put a world of hurt on that fucker that they’ll never forget.

I don’t know if I fit into this category. I have had a couple incidences where I was touched innapropriately, but it was for a few moments, not long at all, and I was able to leave. I felt afterwards like that guy is a fuckhead! I did not internalize it at all I don’t think.

I have had sex when I was not feeling close to a boyfriend, when the relayionship was bad, and he wanted to have sex and I complied, kind of went along, but I never was forced, not in my perception. I could have said no or left at any time, he never would have insisted or physically forced me.

The first time I had sex my boyfriend definitely had been working on me to do “it.” He, again, never would have forced me in my opinion, but he was trying to be very pursuasive. Eventually, I did have sex with him. I think it was a fairly typical teenage thing.

Only one time did I have a one night stand, it was a friend of a friend, and these group of guys and some of my girlfriends had very casual sex with each other whenever in town. I sort of hooked up with this one guy, very out of character for me. I think I went along because some of my girlfriends had done it, I do regret it. Well, regret is strong, I know I never want to do it again. Have any sort of one nighter. In fact the next time they stayed with us, and he climbed into my bed, I rejected him.

Oh, I have given head countless times when I really would rather not. That is annoying. Never to anyone I did not have a relationship with, so I don’t feel raped by it, and I was never physically forced, but I feel obligated, feel like my relationship sort of hinged on it. When I was having a lot a lot of pain due to physical illness and could not engage in intercourse I would give head as another way to satisfy him out of my own guilt, not really anything he did. I felt like shit all around, because one, I love sex, to be penetrated, to feel physically close, connected, and health problems have taken away my physical ability to compltely enjoy the act, it sucks so very much, I can cry writing this. So it is not so much a man forcing me, but the universe being unfair to me. It is pressure in my own head. And, dissappointed about my own expectations of myself as a sexual being and as a partner.

Yes, when I was drinking (slightly inebriated). I went along with it, but, deep down, I didn’t want to do it.

Yes, but not since high school. Fortunately, they all stopped upon hearing the word “no”.

Yes

Quite a few times. I’ve been raped, both from coercion and because I passed out. Non-rape, I’ve had guys just keep going when I said “stop” or “no” or “hold on” or “not there” or “ow!” (not a good ow, not even a little bit). I’ve had them keep going when I tried to push them off me. I’ve had them tell me that if I don’t, they’ll cheat, or I’m not a good girlfriend, or it’s the only way they can communicate with me. I’ve gotten pretty good with saying “no” and the like, and I’ve found that with guys who don’t listen to the “no” the first time, they also don’t listen to the “no” when I’m saying I don’t want to see that movie tonight, or have that for dinner, or go to this home improvement store for my wood screw needs. The guys that do listen when I say “no” or push them off don’t need me to do it more vehemently than when I say that no, I don’t want you to cut up some chives and put them on my baked potato.
There is no bigger turn-off than not listening when I say “no”. It’s hard to convey just how much I hate being pursued, pressured, chased, having a cat-and-mouse game, whatever. If you do it, you might end up getting sex right then, but you never will again.

Ugh, when I have sex and really don’t want to, it is like the guy is masterbating inside of you. It is disgusting really. All of the stories brought up that feeling for me.

@MyNewtBoobs You had guys keep going when you said no and you don’t think it was a form of rape? I am not saying you should feel it was, but I think most people would think it is.

@JLeslie Those particular ones… like in one case, he kept attacking my neck, because I told him how sensitive my neck is and how it really turns me on, except it was like he was trying to be a vampire or something… It really hurt! And I said “Ow, that hurts… no, stop it, not like that…” and tried to push him off, which didn’t work, but he was more the minute-man type so it wasn’t like he spent more than 45 seconds up top anyway, and then I was more ok with what we moved on to, so… it’s not that I don’t think there were acts that were a bit non-con there, or that I don’t feel a bit violated and disrespected, so much as I’m hesitant to call it “rape” because then he would be someone who raped me, which I don’t feel is quite true.

@MyNewtBoobs I see. Yeah, I have been with men who are sure I should be enjoying something, even when I tell them I am not. My favorite ~ is when they pull on my nipples straight out of the gate, before I might even be turned on like some porno directed action. Makes me literally feel nauseas. Maybe some chics dig it? I really think porno truly fucks up how men think about sex when it is watched too much.

@JLeslie Yeah, the nipple thing is weird – or when they think they’re like dials, and they keep turning them really hard to right or left… I don’t think that’s a “some chicks dig it” thing (I mean, I’m sure the occasional woman does, just not enough for it to be a “thing”), so much as a porno thing. Also a porno thing that is never, ever, no matter what, ok: Bitch slapping me with your cock when I’m giving you a blow job. I’m in a pretty vulnerable position, and I’m dong it because I like you and am trying to give you pleasure, the very least you could possibly do is not actively disrespect me.

@MyNewtBoobs God, you just reminded me of a friend of mine who was giving head and this guy started to jerk off in her mouth, instead of letting her be in control, and thrust under her tongue and tore that membrane that is like a perpendicular line under your tongue towards the back. Needless to say emergency room.

@JLeslie Oh, god. That’s horrifying!

Huh. I just checked out the men’s thread, and it’s almost a unanimous no. Of course, two threads on Fluther are hardly a representative sample of all men and women, but it looks like men and women perceive pressure and coercion in very different ways.

@JLeslie I agree about having sex when you don’t really want to. Just thinking about it makes my skin crawl.

Without going into too much detail, I’ve been pressured into having sex while in a long-term relationship. Sometimes I finally consented, but it was not an enthusiastic consent. Staying with him as long as I did was a bad judgment call.

“Can you remember any situation in which you had to be persuaded to participate in the sexual act, and you found that you enjoyed it and were happy with it after?”

No, not once. If I had wanted it, I would have gone for it myself.

I’m not sure I understand what the question means by pressure. Does it exclude force and/or rape? Is it more like coercion or manipulation?

I know the question’s details pretty much explain it ..but I noticed some people posted about rape. That is why I am confused.

@PluckyDog, I’m interested in hearing about any experiences, up to and including the circumstances that led to rape.

@nikipedia Ahh, ok. Thank you.

Yes I have, ex fed off of my need to always prove people wrong and manipoulated me into doing something I wasn’t ready to do.

yes. my whole life. Boyfriends, husbands. Like my current husband, whom I am divorcing- its such an ordeal to protest that I would just give in. I would tell him look I just dont’ want sex every day- with anyone, nothing personal. He just could not get that at all, I know he knew I wasn’t enjoying it during the times I didn’t want to. Oh and I hate that nipple thing too

“Can you remember any situation in which you had to be persuaded to participate in the sexual act, and you found that you enjoyed it and were happy with it after?”
No. At the very least, I was unsatisfied and resented both them and myself.

There are times when I don’t feel like, but do it for my husband, or in the past a boyfriend, and I don’t feel coerced. I guess I wanted to do it for them in those instances, and was in a good place in the relationship, just not into sex at that moment. Here’s the thing, that type of sex better not be a lot of flipping work for me. It should be right to it, not take too long, and be more of what I like than some sort of gymnasium act he might be into. And, no oral sex or special treat, you better be ready if you are getting it from me when I am exhausted, or busy with other things in my head.

Yes I have been pressured sexually and not once, not a single time did I end up enjoying the act. The gross feeling that comes from someone touching you when you have no desire to be touched trumps everything.

I can’t say I’ve ever been pressured into doing anything. When I was very new to everything about sex I was a bit hesitant about doing some things, but I never didn’t want to do them. What I mean is I wanted to do some things, but was nervous about actually doing them. In those instances my partner sometimes had to give me a few reassuring words, but I never considered it pressure to do so.
I might note that I’m not very sex shy. I can’t think of many things I wouldn’t do or try at least once. Off the top of my head I can say that I’d probably never be part of a threesome. And I’m not at all, even remotely, interested in partaking in a threesome. No judgement to those who have, but it’s not my idea of an enjoyable experience. And I won’t lick your asshole, sorry.
Regarding frequency, I can’t say I’ve been pressured to have sex too much or when I didn’t want to either. Of course there are instances when I don’t want to fool around, but I don’t feel like I’ve been pressured into having sex when I didn’t feel like it.
Note: I haven’t had many sexual partners – four total – so saying I’ve never been pressured might not be saying much considering my low number (it’s low compared to the other people I know). Before and after sex though, I didn’t consider them guys who would pressure me into anything – sexual or not sexual.
@Haleth That’s interesting about the different threads.

From my experience there are two groups of guys. The men actually pay attention to me and whether or not I’m in the mood and will work to get me in the mood but back off if I tell them I’m not interested right now. The assholes don’t give two fucks what I want and will press on. But most of them will stop when they hear a bunch of “no“s and “stop“s. Then there is that “in a class all by themselves”...the rapists who won’t stop.

So no I’ve not been pressured by decent guys into sex but I have been raped by scum of the earth types who just wouldn’t take no, or pushing/shoving/punching, as a definitive answer to whether or not I wanted to have sex.

Not as an adult.

@aprilsimnel Which implies that either you were as an adolescent, or you were as a child. One’s bad, one’s really bad. My condolences; it’s times like this that I realize how lucky I’ve been.

Aside from my abusive childhood, I was pressured a lot to have sex when I was still a virgin. Sometimes it felt like I was literally fighting off guy after guy, but no one ever forced me and I never actually had sex until I was good and ready. After I started having sex, I wasn’t pressured much, because I was just as likely to want it as the guy was. I did have some pity sex (or pity oral), but that’s on me.

Later on, in one long-term relationship, I was frequently pressured to have sex when I wasn’t in the mood for it (he had a much higher sex drive than I did). Sometimes I did it, sometimes I didn’t. Like @JLeslie said earlier, if I was doing it just for him, it was understood that it should be short and sweet. No complicated maneuvers.

The only time after my childhood that I was forced to do something sexual that I didn’t want to, I was actually glad it happened. I was a teenager, it was a kiss, and wasn’t violent, just unexpected. It was done to prove a very important point to me… that kissing a black guy was no different than kissing a white guy. It rid me of the very last traces of prejudice I still held. It was a turning point in my young life.)

::guy poking his head in::
This thread makes me almost embarrassed to be a guy. What schmucks (to put it nicely) these guys were.
::leaving now::

On a more positive note…when I was 16, I was in a close relationship with a 15 year old boy. We had been close friends for about a year at the time. We were considered, by then, to be boyfriend and girlfriend. He was at my home and we were unsupervised. We had smoked some hash and were drinking alcohol. We were kissing on the couch and, because I felt it was expected of me, I let him go a bit further. He hiked up my sweater a bit. He had undone his jeans and began to undo mine. I remember feeling his penis on my stomach and he asked me to move higher (I was sort of on top to his side). At that point, I was shaking from fear and nervousness. I was so not ready to have consensual sex with anyone. Because I trusted him, I whispered “I don’t think I can do this.” He stopped immediately and said “Ok” ..then went to the washroom. I will never forget that ..ever. I wish I could find him and tell him how much it meant to me. It was the first time anyone showed me that type of respect.

Don’t know if this question is really for me, I am just here to usher in a Gold Ingot….. oop…..did it.

Yes, when I was too young to realise what was happening to me. Thankfully, since that ordeal ended (around the time I was 11 years old), all of my sexual experiences have been a lot more positive and consentual.

Up until last year, I had no desire to experience anal sex. My “FWB” of over 8 years (on/off) wanted me to do it with him. Of course, he is narcissistic and wanted to be my “first”. I think he is a sex addict, actually

After a couple of “finger experiences” that I found enjoyable, I gave in. Despite the lack of true intimacy, our physical relationship was very exploratory and a friend of mine gave me all the details on how to properly prepare for the experience.

I enjoyed it – much to my surprise. I never thought I would, since I had been sexually abused anally as a child.

I don’t regret it but the FWB and I are no longer involved and I have found that a lot of emotion comes with the act. If I did it in the future, it would definitely have to be with a trusted and committed partner.

I was lonely, crazy and obsessed over a bf of mine who used my love to manipulate me into acts I knew were against my will… but found myself doing it anyway…and that is what abusers do…they build fear and make you believe that some things are normal when they are completely not.

He humiliated me sexually in front of his friends…and I found out years after that he had done that with three other woman. At first I found myself smiling through the act, pretending everything was ok….but I died inside and suffered from anxiety for many many many years.

Manipulating someone into doing acts that destroy their person is an indirect form of rape. I felt violated, pathetic…and imagined a court case for years…but I could never win…I said things that night to cover the death of my person and those words would be used against me.

I lived in paranoia for years…people knew…and I was treated by many names. I started acting like him…my innocence was completely gone…so I thought ‘who cares with whom I sleep with next’...that was my attitude….until I found someone special today…after a long tough emotional battle to better myself… I made it…but some don’t and for that I wish some men would skip life and go straight to hell….burn.