Should information about the pleasures of sex be included when discussing sex with your children?

All factual information is good to know.

Pleasure is a fact of sex. Recognizing it doesn’t do any damage…but ignoring it very well might.

If you don’t talk about it…how is someone who realizes “Hey, this feels good!” meant to process in time how that could be when they were told only the messy mechanics and moral tribulations involved with sex…before they do something stupid?

Since I was the one that brought it up, I’ll have to say Yes!.

Why? If my son doesn’t learn to love himself, know himself & pleasure himself then how will he know how to do any of this with a partner?

My husband was told nothing, and unfortunately, it caused him a few issues. I’ve also heard of cases of weird masturbation techniques (mostly female) because they didn’t have a clue of their own mechanics.

For us, as a couple, we’ve discussed what it is we want our child to know…so far we’ve concluded we’d like our son to know as much about himself as he can. We’ll also be discussing where/when masturbation is appropriate.

My parents did. I had books intended for kids, and my parents would sit down and answer any questions that we had. It was simple and to the point, but the fact that it should feel good was definitely brought up. I grew up to have a very healthy sex life, and it is probably one of the only aspects of my life that I’m not at least marginally screwed up about. So I think it was fine. Then again, we also referred to genitals as “peepees,” so who knows.

It depends entirely on the kid. There are some kids who would instantly latch onto that, and obsess over it, and make it a focus in their life (I know a kid who did this). Other more mature children would take it in the spirit in which it was intended. However, you cannot control what other people will tell your kid.

Sure! I was open with my daughter about all aspects of her sexuality.

The only thing my mother told me was ” if you do ‘it’ before you;re married you’ll go to hell!” lolol

Didn’t stop me, and I discovered the joys of sex by trial and error. Mostly trial. haha

Yes. I tell my kids that sex leads to babies but that babies isn’t the only reason people have sex. Hence the people doing it for pleasure bit.

I don’t have children (yet) so i can only say what i would want to tell them about sex.
Pleasure in sex would be the main issue.

I think everything should be included when telling kids about sex. Sex is a beautiful thing when done responsibly and there shouldn’t be shame behind it. Not disclosing the pleasure included in sex might come to back to bite you in the end.

Like the taste of ice cream they will learn that for themselves.

It seems pointless to go into that much, but whatevs.

Yes. The responses to our children should be factual and age appropriate though and relevant to their question. Sex is pleasurable though. It isn’t just a biological function. I think it is important to try to get across to our children that it is a joy but it is something to partake in responsibly and with a recognition of consequences (physical and emotional). Not by giving them horror stories or sexing the discussion up, but by being honest and sincere. If a discussion of orgasm is appropriate to their questions, then yes. I gave my kids books as well. So they could read about puberty, sexual development etc. as well as talking to us.

My daughters asked lots of questions and we answered their questions as we went along. My son didn’t ask questions and we had to take a more formal approach and have “the talk” or in fact, a number of talks.

I left that door open with my oldest. Even at 12 he seemed to “know” all the basics already but I impressed upon him the significance of intimacy and the responsibility that comes with that territory. I wanted him to be more aware of the risks involved as he has the rest of his life to learn the rewards of intimacy at the time and place he is ready to learn….but not under my roof Pulease!!!

I think it depends largely on the age. When they’re 3, maybe not. When they’re hitting puberty, though, I think you really should, because it shows that children should come to you for info on sex, not just info on procreation. I think too often parents leave it at “the birds and the bees”, and then children turn to porn to find out about orgasms and oral sex and anal sex and foreplay and fetishes, and that can create some issues. When I was 11, I asked my mother what “oral sex” was because of the Clinton scandal, and she proceeded to tell me with this look like a skunk had just sprayed directly on her face that it was when people “kiss each other’s genitals”. I actually already know about the concept of oral sex from all the erotica I read, but they never call it “oral sex” in stories so I wanted to make sure. From that moment on, I got the impression that not only was she not interested in talking about it with me, but sorta confirmed my pre-existing notion that she was frigid and definitely not the best person to help me gain a healthy understanding of sex.

Yes. I’ve made sure to discuss the fact that sex should be pleasurable for two reasons: my sons should be wise to the fact that women should enjoy sex as much as they do and my daughter needs to know the same.

Growing up I had a bunch of confusing messages about the pleasurableness of sex. I hope that by talking to my kids I will alleviate some of that.

Yes, Yes, Yes.
Keep it open and honest in the communication. Of course they should know the pleasure side of it.

Of course you should!!!!

They need to know the full picture incuding the pleasure of it because someone else whom may not have the correct information may give the the wrong information.

I also feel the more open you are about sex in general from an early age and build on it the easier everything is to talk about. You just keep adding to it, like any other part of their education.

No kids for me yet so I have no idea how I would approach the subject, or what information I would disclose.

But not for nothing, I would have been completely weirded out had my mother (or father **shudders **) opened a dialogue about the “pleasures of sex” with me. I mean way to make an already awkward situation uber uncomfortable…

@DJoy83 if sex was part of your normal coversation with you parents from an early age, you would not know anything was weird or awkward in any way.

When I was growing up my mother just talked to us about it, I don’t remember when it started she just talked to us about different things. So when a friend was in trouble and had a pregnancy scare and couldn’t talk to her own mother I told her she could talk to mine and she did. Sex was something I grew up discussing and so wasn’t birth control and how to get it if needed. I plan to raise mine the same with that type of openness that they can come to me with anything and it will be alright.

@DJoy83 Weird and awkward conversations are better than no chance of conversation.

Would you discuss how you pleasure your wife or girlfriend with a mature friend? I wouldn’t, and I think the same goes for a kid. They’ll certainly figure it out!

@Ltryptophan I don’t know that I’d discuss exactly how (no “and then you flatten your tongue, and you swipe it over her blank sorta like how you would a paintbrush on a wall”) but the general idea that sex is pleasurable, and acknowledging the existence of oral and anal sex, and not painting those acts as something only extreme perverts just a step away from pedophiles do, yeah. I might not discuss exactly what I do with my current partner, but there’s definitely a lot of discussion like “I like it when” or “I’ve had partners who liked it when” that I have with my friends.

@Ltryptophan you don’t need to get specific but sex is about pleasure and joy. I don’t think anyone is suggesting giving instructions or showing them porn or anything. You can’t just discuss the mechanics and miss out the emotional aspects, including pleasure though.

I actually think this is one of the problems kids get into trouble. Parents aren’t comfortable talking to their children about something that is the most natural thing in the world. If they understand that sex is an amazing part of a loving, respectful relationship and that it should be something they enjoy but that they need to treat it with the respect it deserves, they are less likely to get into trouble.

I, like many of the parents here, discussed sex with my children from when they were little and it was just a normal part of the process of growing up. They asked me questions, I answered. When a film or television programme was on and they saw something that puzzled them, they felt no shame or embarrassment in saying, “what does that mean?”. I answered as best I could. I know I have said things my kids still laugh their socks about but they are comfortable enough to tell me “do you remember when you said…, I told all my friends about that”.

Knowledge is and has always been King.

I think the extent I would go is to say masturbation is pleasurable and a learning experience that can be shared and carried over into couples sex someday but for the meantime, masturbation remains a private affair.

@creative1 It wasn’t. As well as many, many other topics that should have been spoke upon, but weren’t, in my household growing up. My parents were extremely conservative and we just didn’t have those types of conversations with one another. I basically learned about sex (fact and fiction) from TV and friends. As a result, I can completely identify with your friend’s situation regarding the pregnancy scare because I went through the exact same thing because there was just no dialogue, whatsoever, about the subject. Hopefully you can see why I would have been freaked out. Guess not everyone is as “lucky” as you were to have such an open and amazing relationship with their own parents.

@MyNewtBoobs Agreed. Like I said in my original response, I have no idea how I would approach the situation or what i would disclose in the conversation but a conversation will be held.

As I elaborated in my response to @creative1, I never had those types of conversations with my parents which is why I would have been mortified given the nature of our relationship. I’m nowhere near as conservative as they are. I plan on being much, much, MUCH more open with my own kids, whenever I’m blessed enough to have my own.

I don’t know exactly what I’ll tell my children. I don’t see why I need to go into the pleasure aspect. I want them to practice safe sex, otherwise I don’t really want to know much else about their private life. If it’s related to masturbation I’ll tell them go for it, just do it behind closed doors.

At least don’t lie to your kids about it. Sex is one of the most overwhelming urges people have, and it feels good for a reason.

Not before they are 12 or 14.

I don’t know…do you think it could cause them to start looking for that pleasure sooner than they might otherwise? Gosh, the media is all ABOUT the pleasure of it…I think Mom and Dad talking about it just might backfire. I, personally, would stick with the facts and what a serious decision and responsibility it is. They’ll figure out the happy feet by themselves.

@Dutchess_III – The hormones.

One of my friends has two autistic sons. They don’t speak. They can’t read. They will have to be institutionalized at some point. My friend had to teach his older boy to control where his hands go at 11. He’s 14 now. The boy cannot understand anything about sex the way neuro-typical kids might from playground yapping, but he wants to feel good simply because the hormones are kicking in.