Why is he being so morbid and what can I do about it?

When i say: “nothing is the matter” usually something is the matter, so i think it is safe to say that there is something that is bothering your boyfriend too.
Tell him that you want to help him where you can and that you give him your ear/you are listening (if that is what you really want).
It is up to him whether he wants to go in to your proposal, or not.

There isn’t much you can do to change his attitude, outlook or behavior. And you can’t make him say “nice things” when he won’t say anything at all.

As you may have known or realized while you were attempting to handle your own depression, it’s also difficult or impossible to break through that on your own, too. (Congratulations on handling that so far, by the way.)

If you’re going to be able to help him at all, you have to be healthy and able yourself. So if his thoughts and actions are triggering any of the same thoughts and behaviors of your own, then it may be necessary for you – for your own preservation – to enforce the “break” and stay away from him. Save your own self first and “be there” for him if you can help later on.

By all means encourage him to seek help and treatment, and listen to him if you can do that and preserve your own sanity and health. But if that’s not possible, then encourage him from a distance – and keep your distance.

Good luck to both of you.

Do you think the “break” in your relationship is the reason for his behavior? Highlighting a possibility.

@raven860 I’m not sure about that, he was the one who initiated taking a break. I didn’t want to, but he thinks it’s what’s best for us because he is working a lot this summer and living 3 hours away.

I should add that I recently discovered Narcissistic Personality Disorder and I’m almost 95% sure that he has it, so that makes it that much harder to relate/talk to him about things.

Start avoiding him, he doesn’t want your help so you have to do what’s best for you, and he doesnt sound like he’s the best person for you to be around right now.

Or you can just ask him if he’s been listening to The Cure lately, or some other emo band…then offer him a tampon and a tissue to get over his issue. (thats what I would do, but I’m a bitch like that…)

It sounds as if he could be depressed as well. Suggest to him that he take the Mayo Clinic’s Depression Self-Assessment Test. If it indicates depression, your boyfriend should see a medical professional for treatment.

I don’t know him and I am not a psychiatrist or a psychologist so I don’t want to even try to delve into any personality disorders etc. From the way you explain things, some of his statements do sound as though he could be depressed though and I would be very concerned if he is verbalising suicidal thoughts or talking about self-harm. Can you speak to other people who are close to him and try to diplomatically find out if he is also displaying the same behaviours/attitudes with them?

At the start of your post, my first thought was he wants to break up and end contact and he is angry because you are forcing him to maintain this contact. Is that possible? Is it possible he really doesn’t want to maintain this relationship but you aren’t listening? Perhaps consider that but if after doing that, you really are concerned about the potential for self-harm, you should try to connect in with other people who are closer to him geographically and even emotionally to make sure they are aware of the risk. Be careful how you approach this though. You can’t diagnose him and I wouldn’t suggest you wade in with amateur diagnosis. If this is really about you and him and he is just communicating what he wants badly, you will really upset him if you suggest to his friends and family he is suicidal or has a Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

@Bellatrix Thanks for the answer. First of all though, I do not plan on telling his friends/family about the personality disorder, or even him for that matter. I’m not an expert and it’s just my observations so it wouldn’t be fair to brand him with that.

About him maybe wanting to end the relationship… he’s convinced me he doesn’t. I’ve asked him a few times lately if his actions are his way of saying he doesn’t want me in his life anymore. He’ll get mad and say ‘you’re just jumping to conclusions’. I’ve given him plenty of opportunities to end the relationship lately, as weird as that sounds, and he still seems to want to hold on to it..

Then you need to make sure people who are closer to him know you are concerned about him but as I said, I would tread very carefully. I mentioned not raising your ideas about his personality, because you mentioned it here and said you were 95% sure of your diagnosis. I don’t know you so I can’t assume you wouldn’t say something similar to his family or friends. Glad you realise that wouldn’t be appropriate.

@minniemau5

I wouldn’t rule it as a personally disorder so quickly. How long have you known him for? and how long has he been acting the way he is acting now? You shouldn’t directly address a personality disorder but talk to his family members if you know them and see what they have to say about it. Maybe something personal has happened in his life that he is not sharing with you?

It seems like a possibility, relationships are hard for a lot of people and he might want to break up – and he might not realize it. He might be trying to push you away with all the weirdness and not even know he’s doing that. But he doesn’t know how to say that and doesn’t want to upset you and doesn’t want to deal with you possibly being upset because that’s scary.
And feeling clumsy/incompetent isn’t helping him communicate. He may act so weird that you break up with him.