How quick are you in pulling the plug on a relationship?
If you have a mate, married to them or not, how quick would you flush a relationship if something really major becomes known? If you discover your man of 6+ years dresses up in women clothes and goes out on the town or you discover he has regular sex with a blowup doll, etc? If you discover your woman had 2 other kids by two other men but never told you would that do it? You discover she did 5 years hard time on a plea deal off the suspicious death of an ex-lover; that would kill it for you? How little or how major of an unknown fact would be the straw that broke the camel’s back and there was no way to dismiss it? Women have stayed with cheating men, and guys have taken their straying women back. Not ever one does it but plenty, so what could be worse to make you take a hike never looking back, and does the total number of years together facter in at all?
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7 Answers
When we loose the things in common or when I see we barely have time to spend into improving the relationship. If we have no time for it then why bother keeping it ?
If it is a serious relationship, very slow but once I decide to end it, that’s it. I don’t hang around.
Not quickly. Not in my marriage. It would obviously depend on the thing, but most likely I would tolerate a lot before pulling the plug.
When I found out she cheated, the space of a day….. She only came home for her things……. Game over! The divorce took a little longer but she had sense enough to stay away.
Before I was married I never had a relationship last more than 6 months. Once I got married, (after dating about 6 months) I took the commitment seriously.
Even though my first marriage had a lot of problems, my husband was bipolar and self medicated, I stuck it out until the end. He committed suicide when I was 29. We were married 7 years and had 3 kids. The sad thing is that people have a way of discounting that relationship because it was so turbulent. The trauma was just as great (maybe even greater) than if we would have had a Cinderella marriage.
I did date my second husband for a year before we got married. We have been married almost 21 years. When we hit some bumps in the first few years he said a few times, “Maybe we should get a divorce.” I finally said, “Hey, either we are in this or we are not, but I will not live my life with that threat hanging over my head. If you are going to divorce me, do it now so I can get on with my life. If you are in, the the “D” word is off the table.
There have been a few tough times (raising someone else’s 3 wounded and abandoned children had it’s moments) but in my eyes, I found my happily ever after. I can’t imagine a better match for me.
I’ve been married over 21 years. I’ve lived in a marriage with ten years of unspoken problems and three years where we have worked on our problems. I’ve thought of leaving hundreds of times. But I can’t. I’m pretty sure I would die if I left and I was alone. I’d stop taking my meds and then who knows what would happen, but likely it would be bad.
I am not a happy person, but at least I’m an alive person. My wife loves me and shares a great deal of the credit for saving my life. I love her, but I don’t know if I love myself enough to stay in a relationship I don’t deserve. I don’t know what I want. Or maybe I know what I want and I don’t think I can get it.
I guess I’d say I’m not very quick at all to pull the plug on a relationship. I don’t know if that is a good or a bad thing. I know if I leave my marriage to seek what I really want, I’ll never let myself have it. If I stay in my marriage and try to make the best of things, I’ll never get what I want. No matter what, I don’t get what I want. Why pull the plug?
@wundayatta I heard a bit of guilt in your answer. I can relate to that.
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