Have you ever stuck your nose into someone else's business (with the intention of "doing the right thing"), only to regret it later?

Yes, I did. I once visited my best friend’s brother who was gay and living with his boyfriend. My best friend did not know that her brother was gay (he had been married and divorced). It was obvious to me, and I confirmed it with the guys.

I then urged my friend’s brother to tell his sister. (I honestly thought she wouldn’t mind.)

He told, and she was very upset. I think they were better for it in the long term, but it affected their relationship badly in the short term. It also affected my friendship with her badly, as she got angry at me (kill the messenger urger).

I wished very much that I had not intervened.

There are so many shades of gray in the world, that short of revealing that someone is putting someone in danger (or has already harmed them) I try not to. That said, I unwittingly revealed something that I didn’t know was a secret to someone, and it almost destroyed their family, and did destroy the friendship.

When I was 19 my best friend went off to fight fires for the summer between graduation and starting college. His girlfriend cheated on him while he was gone with one of our friends brother. I told him, he didn’t believe me. I have talked to him once since years after they broke up. I am 34 now.

I thought I was doing the right thing since I would want to know.

@johnpowell You bring up an interesting point – if the “victim” was a friend, I’d be much more inclined to tell him as well.

As my children get older i’m finding this scenario increasingly familiar…..“Butt out Dad!”

Yes….just once I backed a certain person who other parents were turning on…my efforts prevailed and as expected, some parents held a grudge against me, but what I did was to benefit the kids involved and would do it again if so challenged.

Yes, kind of of. One of my ex husband’s nieces had lived with us for some time and met a man no one was crazy about. She rebelled against our lukewarm approach to the man, clung to him like glue and they eventually married, moved somewhere in the midwest and had a passle of kids.

This was our straight A’s niece, a top employee being groomed for management at 18yrs old in her company and interested in pursuing a law degree. All of that changed with this man she took up. A charlatan psychic (now he’s a minister of some sort), recreational on the sneak drug user and cheating homosexual.

I tell myself if I’d never gone with her to a particular nightclub then we would have never met this man. Sometimes I worry her other family blame me for indulging her.

I have done this too often. I ended up suffering more pain than I expected and I have learned that if people don’t express distress or ask for (your) help, the odds are they will not benefit from your help and you will suffer from insisting on offering it.

Nothing that jumps out at me so I guess it didn’t affect me that much, but I probably have done this, yes.

I pretty much stay out of it, unless someone is going to get hurt. I gave my son a caution a couple of months ago, and he didn’t talk to me again, until just yesterday. And we’re VERY close. It’s a price I was willing to pay to keep him safe, and I’d do it again if I had to.