Have you ever Chosen Denial?
Has anyone ever consciously realized that the truth might be too painful and, therefore, decided to abandon all attempts to find out? I would really like to know the results!
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15 Answers
I choose some denial every day.
I’m sure I’ve done this in smaller, day-to-day ways before, but I can think of one time that I was in denial in a very big way.
I was 17 and very sick. I was trying to decide if I should start taking a new medication that could help me, but also had a scary list of possible side effects. I was scared and was procrastinating making the decision, and in the meantime I was getting sicker. Finally my gastroenterologist called up our house and basically said, “I’ve scheduled you a consultation with a colorectal surgeon. I think you need to hear what he has to say.”
I went to the appointment completely not understanding why I needed to go. The surgeon didn’t sugar-coat anything. He wanted to remove my entire colon. He said it was almost a certain fact that I was going to get colon cancer at some point in my life, and I was going to lose my colon then, if not now. I started crying, completely not understanding why he was saying all this morbid stuff. I did not think I was sick enough to be even considering surgery at that point.
I went home and chose pretend I had never had that consultation.
The one thing the consultation did accomplish, was I finally decided to try out the new medication. On it, I got well pretty fast. A doctor told me that this medication was very rarely a permanent fix. He referred to it as “the bridge to surgery.”
I chose to believe that the medication would work forever.
It wasn’t until I got really sick again a year and a half later, despite being on the meds, that I couldn’t choose to deny my situation anymore. Surgery was the only option I had left.
Self preservation there my friend. We all have done it.
A little denial goes a long way. It’s the way we survive without a complete breakdown.
Some denial is useful, especially if you’ve ever been callously dumped without warning (or without having seen the red flags of humiliating waving in your face). You have to deny that being dumped actually hurt, because you have to pretend to be grateful for having “dodged the bullet.” Even though you feel like crap. You have to deny that you chose a douche-bag as your mate, if you don’t deny it, then it makes it look like you can’t make a smart decision. So you say things like, “He wasn’t really a douche, he was just trying to find himself and that’s why he slep with my best friend.” And, “No, I’m not hurt that he dumped me, when I caught him in bed with my brother, I’m just glad I found out before we had children.” Even though what you really want to say is, “I should’ve bashed his windshield in when I had the chance!”
@chyna I agree and is how I keep myself from going postal some days!
I have a sandbox conveniently in my home into which I place my head when I get overwhelmed.
I have never thought, “I’m going to pretend this isn’t happening.” However, I sometimes don’t realize until later that I’m denying. Sometimes your mind just does that for you. It gives you time to figure it out slowly so that what-ever-it-is doesn’t knock you over the head and leave you unable to cope.
I pride myself on doing my best to see things clearly. No filters. No ignoring any information that appears. I don’t know how well I do that, but I do.
On the other hand, I don’t necessarily seek out information. Just in case I don’t want to know what that information is. Sometimes it gets really tricky. Like if you are in denial of some outcome, but you’re not sure which outcome you want to deny. That’s a real kick in the head!
My sister calls herself an Ostrich. She does not want to know how bad her grown children really behave. It breaks my heart because there are grandchildren involves and she KNOWS she is just burrying her head and hiding from it.
Yes. Like others, I’m ok with a little bit of denial each day in order to get to the next and the next ones.
A pinned down example for me would be more along the lines of choosing my battles and putting some stuff as lower priority, borderline denial. I deny a lot of my fiancee’s health issues won’t ever get any better. So far I’m on track in assuming he can be rebuilt, retooled and made better than before.~
the first red flag, i will accept denial
The second red flag, I will question.
The third red flag, I will back away
If I hit a 4th or greater red flag, I know I am stuck in denial.
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