What is the best pun that you've ever heard?

My bike can’t stand up on it’s own, it’s two-tired.

[wha, wha, wha…] I’m sure I’ve heard better, I just can’t remember.

Did you hear about the dylexic agnostic insomniac? He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog?

Airline traveler: “Excuse me flight attendant, I keep hearing voices saying things like ‘nice hair,’ or ‘nice pants.’ But when I look around to see who said it, everyone appears to be asleep. What’s going on?”

Flight attendant: “Oh, those are just the complimentary peanuts.”

@ehjdd:
Oh my, oh my, my, my.

There’s a Douglas Adams one that I’ve always enjoyed:

“You can tune a guitar, but you can’t tuna fish. Unless of course, you play bass.”

Did you hear about the cannibal who passed his wife on the road?

Two maggots were fighting in dead Earnest.

“I can’t stand sitting.”

…That Ike Turner, he sure did beat Tina to death.

Or, the famous Protestant hymn: “Gladly, the cross-eyed bear.”

I once went to the dr and told him I was having nightmares about how I am tepee then I am a wigwam, then back to a tepee. He told me I was just too tense!

“I see,” said the blind man as he picked up his hammer and saw.

What’s the difference between beauty pageant and a circus?

A circus is a cunning array of stunts.

I took me about ten seconds, lol.

I found these online:

Ancient orators tended to Babylon.

If you give some managers an inch they think they’re a ruler.

Don’t join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!

Now matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

What do you call cheese that is not yours? Nacho Cheese.

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

He dropped a computer on his toes and had megahertz.

Even though Catholics in space are weightless, do they have mass?

For plumbers, a flush beats a full house.

A scientist doing a large experiment with liquid chemicals was trying to solve a problem when he fell in and became part of the solution.

… and I thought Argus Hamilton was the King of Groan. (j/k scamp!)

I forgot about this one, a favorite from my misspent youth.

Ha ha! kev, I laughed so hard I almost dropped my “sand“wich! That was great!