How should I handle this "break" in my relationship?

Asked by chk8n (106

) June 13th, 2011

Is it worth it to keep my fight for love for the guy who asks for a break in a relationship? Main reason he mentioned was to catch up with friends (long time friends), and partly was because after being in a relationship for so long, we’ve started to lose friends here and there, but after knowing him for so long… he’s never really cared.

But as I have seen the way things have been happening, fights about little things, my point of view of his taking some times a part is to get away from me, am I right?

We’ve been in a relationship for 4 years, and hopefully counting. But it doesnt seem like (to me) that he cares anymore. He shows signs that he cares, but he kept on bottling up and acting harsh on me (showing me that he can careless about what I do and what I want to do to save the relationship).

I realized today, after a couple of days of not seeing him, since he’s staying at his parents’ house, that he’s very unresponsive to me. He texted once to see if the house still has hot water, but other than that… he’s on his own way to do things he’d like to do.

On top of that, he said that he’s planning to meet up with another girl whom I have never met, mentioned to me once or twice, but he has never really introduced me to her. Since we’re apart on our own ways, he said to her that he will meet up (driving about 15 miles just to go and visit his “old friend- a guy” and on the way, another 2 miles to meet up with her “not an old friend”). I asked him about where he will be going, he just kept on saying, “I’m meeting up with my old guy buddies, nothing else.”

I found out about it (from my friend who happens to know her), and I decided to call him to see if he would set aside sometimes with me (after his meetup buddy), and call to say that I wanted to meet up and hang out for an hour or two since I will be in the area, he said he will be busy—the whole day. I asked him what he will be busy of, he said meeting up with a couple of old friends. Nothing mentioned about meeting up with her.

On the side note, before we took our “time apart,” I did mentioned about the small possibility to him to not meet up with any girls that he’d have a chance of liking, because then his mind wont be thinking about our relationship, but rather this whole meet up will cloud his judgement upon our relationship and well…

All I wanted was some mutual reciprocity, so he can use his “away time” to think about this relationship, and I can use my away time to think about the same thing.

In two days, he will tell me if he wants this relationship to work. He will either tell me yes or no. Again, hes the one asking for a break in the relationship.

During this whole time, before the break, hes been meeting this girl sometimes during the day, almost every day. And contacted her a couple of times without me knowing… I noticed because she started calling, and he started calling while I’m in the bathroom or so… I dont know what they talk about in particular, but the conversation (as day goes on) have been increasing about more than just a “chit chat”. Nothing serious, about liking each other, I know.

Is this worth fighting for? Is he worth waiting for? Should I wait til tuesday to make sure everything is over for good? Because I need an advice. I’m completely lost and in distraught. I’ve never really taken a break from a guy in a relationship that I have had for so long.

This question is open for both sides. Please help.

Thank you!

Observing members: 0

Composing members: 0

12 Answers

I think you deserve better than to submit yourself to his selfish wishy washy behavior. The fact another woman is in his life should be enough evidence it’s time to let go. I wouldn’t give him the chance to realize the good thing he took a pass on.

Cruiser (40454

)“Great Answer” (2

) Flag as…

Seems to me that he has moved on and found someone new. He should be honest with you about it, though.

It sucks, but, it is best that you move on, as well.

Jude (32207

)“Great Answer” (3

) Flag as…

It sounds like he’s using this time to test the other waters out there. You deserve better than that. If he did meet up with that girl and if anything happened, would you want him back?

There’s no reason to break off a relationship just so you can go see your friends. Something about that just isn’t right in my opinion, which really makes it seem like the break is about this other girl and not his friends.

Seaofclouds (23108

)“Great Answer” (1

) Flag as…

I think he has already broken up with you and just hasn’t said so yet. He is behaving badly by stringing you along and not being honest about what this other girl means to him. I’ll bet if someone asked her what her relationship with your guy is, she would say they are seeing each other.
You can wait the two days to see what his answer is, or you can make it easier on yourself and tell him you want no part of his behavior and how he is treating you. This will be hard, but keep in mind that you deserve much better, especially after four years. There is someone out there that will appreciate you.

chyna (51629

)“Great Answer” (2

) Flag as…

Keep in mind that friendships with others, be it the same sex or not, is understandable, especially if they share an interest that you do not.

It seems like it all depends upon what you want. If you want a monogamous relationship and he doesn’t, then it is time to end it. If your boyfriend moved back home and you know that he is hanging out with another person and backing away from your relationship, it seems like the writing is on the wall.

Pied_Pfeffer (28144

)“Great Answer” (1

) Flag as…

Worth fighting for? What exactly would you be fighting for? A relationship where it’s okay by you if he calls a timeout to renew friendships and hookup with someone else? I’m sorry you’re going through this, but if you just acknowledge that it’s done, I think you’ll be better off.

6rant6 (13710

)“Great Answer” (1

) Flag as…

The relationship is over. He is just avoiding a big scene.

He already likes someone else.

You need to move on emotionally.

marinelife (62485

)“Great Answer” (2

) Flag as…

Just a few random thoughts as I read this:

1) It sounds like some elements in your relationship have lead him to feel that it is limiting his social life. Have you discussed how you can address this if it’s the case.

2) If he’s lying about meeting up with a girl it’s either because he’s up to no good, or you are so sensitive he doesn’t feel like he can tell you (I’m not accusing, just thinking of possibilities)

3) If all he needs is two days, just wait it out. It’s not that long. I’ve heard of people wanting several month long breaks!

4) While some might see this as selfish, I’m not sure that is how I see it. He’s being true to his feelings, and in the end it’s good for you too. Would you want him to go on for 1 or more years extra not being true to himself and then you find out with even more time invested that “he’s been unhappy for years.” At least this way, it’s all gonna come out sooner rather than later.

I’m sorry :( and good luck!

mrrich724 (8550

)“Great Answer” (0

) Flag as…

It sounds like he’s moved on and is trying to figure out how to tell you in such a way that you won’t actively dislike him. You really have no dog in this hunt at this point. He’s back home with his parents, living the carefree life that comes with living with your parents (roof over your head, food in the fridge, perhaps mom does your laundry?) and gets to hang out with people that make no social or emotional demands on him. He can meet up with girls who are hook-ups with no strings attached. Footloose and fancy free.

BarnacleBill (16138

)“Great Answer” (0

) Flag as…

@BarnacleBill I concur.

I think there’s also the possibility that Mr. Free-And-Easy may want OP as a fallback. Or as they say, a booty fall. I mean if she’s willing to hang with this arrangement, why scare her off? He could have a slow week.

6rant6 (13710

)“Great Answer” (1

) Flag as…