So far, in your age, what important things have you learned and discovered about the opposite sex?
I’ve always wondered about how at certain ages in our lives, understanding and views of the opposite sex develop and undergo changes. What did we know when we were teenagers that have been totally revised or had stayed the same? When we reached 30 or 40, did we discover new things about men or women we have not seen forthcoming?
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I have learned that gender is not merely a social construct (despite arguing the nurture side of nature-vs-nurture debates for years in college). I now have a much healthier (in my opinion) understanding of the nature/nurture relationship. We are human animals. Smart animals with ideas about free will and such, but still animals.
At my age (mid-20s) the opposite sex seems like another species. Nearly every man I know, at least on some level, prioritizes getting sex over the well-being of the person he’s getting it from. (Which makes the good guys that much more special.)
@nikipedia Wait, does that mean I’m a good guy? : )
Here’s wishing you meet more mid-20’s guys with enough maturity and consideration.
They seem to all get really mad when you make generalizations about them.
I have learned that you can’t really conclude anything about someone knowing only their gender. At a younger age I might have thought, “there’s a guy, he’s probably _______” but now I have known enough guys that don’t fit that mould to realize that you can’t generalize them, the same way I would hate it if someone assumed things about me just because I’m a girl. So I have difficulty answering questions like this.
I have learned that I never ever want to be the man in a relationship again. Goddamn.
I have learned that, at least through my words, I’m an attractive guy to some. Certainly more attractive than I was earlier in my life.
What else?
It really helps if you make a woman feel safe. A surprising number of women want you to take charge and take care of them and even tell them what to do (so much for feminism). They like confidence—and for some, even if you’re an asshole they’ll be interested in you if you have confidence.
The also like it if you think fast and know a lot of interesting stuff and they can’t figure you out.
I always wanted to be a bad-ass.
@wundayatta – It took me a long time to learn or accept this (“take charge” and “confidence”) because of the fact I consider myself a feminist.
@wundayatta I also found out that some women’s idea of being safe is that you purchase certain stuff for them! Lol.
“even if you’re an asshole they’ll be interested in you if you have confidence. They also like it if you think fast and know a lot of interesting stuff and they can’t figure you out.” Sounds like my friend’s ex, who is one of my least favorite people in the universe. But he is my friend’s ex, so it worked on her at one point, oddly enough. Blehhhhh.
I finally just realized just how far out of their minds women can get. Holy Mackerel didn’t see that coming!! ;)
@tom_g Me, too. It goes against everything I ever believed in, and it works. Took a long time to wrap my mind around that. Go figure.
What I have learned from my experience of women is:
• Most omen fear being along worse than being with a douche bag man.
• Most women expect more from you than they will give of themselves.
• Some women are more of a horndog than men.
• Not all women loathe porn or the watching of it.
• Size does matter more in the wallet than the trousers.
• Just about all women are afraid of nipples, they’d wear a bra when they don’t need any.
• Most who claim to be feminist are buffet feminist, not feminist 100%.
• Most women pick men they way men pick women, off appearances 1st.
• Most I known could go from calm to pissed in 1/500th of a second.
• They only hate minis if they can look good wearing one.
In my travels through life those are some of the more pertinent things I have learned about women.
They generally do not enjoy firing on full auto, or blowing shit up.
@josie That’s what you think :)
That guys named Erich wear cheap cologne and stink the whole place up.
That woman are always right, even when they’re not :)
That girls named queenie just stink in general.
There are some good men out there, and I’ve got one.
Never prepare rabbit in front of them :-/ poor bugs….. Lol…….
what I have learned about men so far:
1. Some of men are good and some are really, really, really bad.
2. Most short men are more confident than the tall ones.
3. Age doesn’t mean anything when it comes to maturity.
4. Many smart, kind and witty men are easier to find than you might think.
5. No, not too many men know how to please woman in bed. Why they always think being big means everything?
6. Most men feel insecure around strong minded woman.
7. Some men are just so sweet…mine is one of them!
Most guys my age have no idea what girls like.
1. Men are not really all that fussy about women!
2. Men have some of the most disgusting habits!
3. Men can be trained to be almost perfect!
4. Men ALWAYS say what they mean!
5. Men HATE shopping!
6. Men love looking at other women, its natural for them, even though they love us.
WOMEN
1.Women see EVERYTHING and if they miss it, we find out later.
2. Women can hold a grudge FOREVER!
3. Women smell nicer and look better naked.
4. Women are more loving.
5. Women LISTEN.
6. Women try to bring out the best in their men.
I have learned that the older we get the gap closes between the make/female polarities of expression.
Less hormones to get in the way, more wisdom and maturity, less over inflated expectations, more seeing clearly that we are all just people, minus the penis/vagina scene.
Of course, it helps immensely if both people have done some work on themselves too, have at least some measure of insight and self awareness and can view relationships as learning experiences.
I think with maturity comes a much more ’ go with the flow’ attitude, and less need for perfection, within ourselves or others, but…also, less tolerance for lessons learned in the past and a much easier time in letting go when those red flags show up.
No more staying in the trenches muddied and bloodied hoping for some magic ceasefire. lol
@BeccaBoo 5. Men HATE shopping! That depends on what the shopping is for. If electronics/computers, art supplies, home improvent items, clothes, lingerie, and heels for my woman I am all over it. ;-P
That all the jerky ones are attracted to me. Yay.
@redfeather
LOL Hang in there, it might take you 30 years, but, you’ll finally attract only half jerky ones. Then again, you might just settle for turbo jets in the hot tub and a couple of pets. haha
Men don’t know what women want. Half the time, women don’t know what they want either.
No man ever won an argument with a woman that he didn’t end up doing time for.
I’ve learned from my friends’ experiences as well as mine that no matter how wonderful, calm, understanding, funny, intelligent, thoughtful, considerate, blah blah blah a man is in public, that doesn’t necessarily mean that’s who he is at home.
Wait, the same goes for women, too.
All of us are fallible and imperfect. It’s the willingness to work on it and the actual work that makes one really gorgeous, or not (i.e. what @Coloma said :D )
Most men hate to be wrong.
When it comes to sex they are way too visual, I find it annoying.
A lot of men do indeed cheat.
Most men are good at making decisions and moving forward.
Men are better than women at not sweating the small stuff.
Men tolerate women a lot of the time. Tolerate in the sense that they find us annoying, but love us enough to listen to us babble and shake their heads at the right moments so we feel heard.
@BeccaBoo Women attach emotion to their memories, and that is why we remember things that really angered or upset us. If a man does something that triggers the old feeling it brings up all the previous instances he made us feel that way. To men it feels like we never let anything go.
@JLeslie Uh… didn’t you just define, “never let anything go”?
@6rant6 What do you mean? I was just explaining how it works in the brain. We have a lot more areas of the brain that “light up” so to speak with everything we do. It isn’t so much we willfully want to hate or hold a grudge, but that we feel the pain again and again.
@JLeslie You wrote, “To men it feels like we never let anything go.”
“Feels” implies that it’s not real. I was just saying (lightheartedly) that what you wrote sounds as if you are physiologically incapable of letting go so that “it feels like” isn’t really appropriate. Maybe ”know?” That’s all.
@6rant6 I see your point. The reason I chose feels, is because the woman may have indeed forgiven, gotten over it for all practical purposes. It is not that she willfully wants to hold onto every little thing.
@6rant6 I think I see your logic at work. And one of the better examples of deductive logic I have seen here in quite a while. A man would not feel as if women are not letting anything go if in fact they don’t because whenever a man does something that stirs up some past, gone moment if she re-equates the present action to the past action, she didn’t really let the past action go. If I followed you correct?
@Hypocrisy_Central The thing is it doesn’t go from her memory, and it is kind of hard wired to stir the bad emotion again. They did PET scans, and obseerve the emotional centers triggered in women, so it is more visceral, sometimes to the woman’s dismay. She may not want to feel that way. I do believe people can rewire their brains. I think what stunts the process is if their are frequent repeated events that trigger the same emotions, and then all the memories are pulled up over and over again, and write/cement even more into the brain.
Plus, as an aside, men rarely use feel, to describe what they think, that is a girl word. They use believe, think, know. When I write anything for business I do my best to use the man words.
@JLeslie You are so damn clever!! I am impressed and I even followed your description of the word ‘feel’ and happen to think that you are absolutely spot on with your description and definition between how a man would use it, to how a woman would.
@BeccaBoo Aw thanks. I can’t take all the credit on the feel vs. think thing. I learned that from an English professor somewhere in my college education, and I too realized there was some brilliance in it.
Women don’t want to listen to solutions when they are really upset.
A lot of men love to play games. They seem to enjoy that the girl is mentally and emotionally tortured. They can be very insensitive and heartless.
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