Why do I seem to be incapable of (showing) love?

Do you have sexual desires or urges?

Have you been diagnosed as falling on the Asperger’s scale? They have trouble being touched, making eye contact and behaving in what is considered a normal way in romantic or intimate relationships.

Maybe it’s time to revisit the psychologist for some more CBT and useful hints and tips.

I think you need to start seeing a new therapist who deals with this type of thing. Because you really didn’t discuss it with the other therapist, either because you didn’t realize it at the time, or you simply were not old enough or mature enough at the time to even consider thinking about it. So find another therapist and let them know exactly what you have told us.

The fact that you have dealt with a long time potentially life threatening disease probably plays into it. I’m guessing that your parents, although loving and giving, stopped hugging and kissing you when you were younger, maybe because of the cancer, maybe because they were afraid they would hurt you physically and you simply got used to not being touched and hugged and kissed. You have a much milder form of the condition that some orphans in third world countries develop, when they are simply warehoused in cribs and never given any physical affection. Humans need physical affection to develop properly.

It’s possible that you are asexual, meaning that you have no interst or desire for sex or other intimate relations. I think asexuality is one of the spots on the sexual continuum, but it is probably more rare than being heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual. It sounds like you are interested but just can’t muster up the appropriate desire, or follow through and then you also feel insecure about your body and that just makes it worse. But believe me, there are plenty of overweight people, ugly people, cellulite riddled people, acne covered people, people who have had breasts or limbs removed that are still engaging in loving, sexual relationships (probably some of them are even here on Fluther). So you will definitely need to work with your therapist about your negative body image and how to overcome that problem. Part of that particular problem may simply be related to your depression. Have you been treated for depression with either talk therapy or medication? You might need a combo of both, but be aware that some anti-depressants actually cause a loss of libido. Make sure you are very up front with your therapist with all of this. You may have to try out a few therapists before you find one that will be ideally suited for you and your particular needs. Don’t give up hope, if the first one you try can’t help you.

Before you even see a therapist, you should sit down with your primary care physian and let him/her know what is going on. They probably aren’t even aware of this, because relationships and sexual problems are not usually discussed unless the patient brings them up, themselves. So talk with your doctor first, get a complete physical and ask the doctor if they think that you might be low in some of the hormones that play into feelings of love and sexuality. Then ask him/her to refer you to a therapist. Good luck to you : )

@gailcalled, Yes. I do have sexual desires and urges. Although I don’t think they’re as pronounced as a regular 18 year old girl. I do long to be in a loving relationship. I really just have trouble expressing love for someone. Never been diagnosed with Asperger’s or any form of autism for that matter. I have thought about going back to see a psychologist, but it’s been over a year and the psychologist that I was seeing was through my children’s hospital that I am no longer a part of since I am now an adult. I don’t really know how to get myself in to see a psychologist through the adult system.

@ChocolateCoveredStarfish: As @Kardamom so wisely suggested, talk to your primary care physician (or your oncologist) and ask for suggestions or a recommendation. I do not know what kind of cancer you had so feel wary about giving too specific advice.

Few of us, at 18 or any other age, have those airbrushed and flawless bodies that people assume are real.

It’s often that Ms. Not-so-perfect meets Mr. Not-so-perfect and develop a happy relationship.

@gailcalled @Kardamom, I will try to get in to see my family doctor and have her put in a referral for a psychologist. I just stumbled upon a Social Anxiety forum and it seems that this is a common problem for people with this disorder…which makes me feel a little better. Perhaps another session of CBT is in order for me. Thanks for the advice!

When you had this cancer, these problems.. Was there anyone who really understood what you were going through? Did you see them aloof and difficult to talk to in the matters of your health? Was there even one (in your mind) that you felt really cared for your health? You must look upon those times in your life when you needed someone to rely on, to listen to your fears and your hopes, how you felt.. Now it’s they who can receive no affection.. By realizing your reactions were a result of your past, you can rise above it.. know now that they were only reacting as humans do in situations like yours. Forgive them and you forgive yourself.

I’m just guessing but you mentioned having cancer at a young age and I think that is significant. Some people are naturally cold and aloof and shy of physical intimacy but I don’t think you are. I think it may have developed from how you dealt with the cancer as a child. You dissociated yourself from the cancer and from your body in which the cancer lived and so you now don’t fully live within your own body.

I would suggest physical activities such as dance which bring mind and spirit and body together and dressing well, that is taking time to choose fabrics and colours which will make you feel beautiful.

There are a lot of people incapable of showing their emotions so don’t feel bad. There are some emotions I cannot show ^^