Why should I be friends on Facebook with people who were mean to me in school?

Decline the friend request.

I think a lot of people use FB as a class reunion, not to actually be friends. They want to see who’s fat, who’s rich, who’s gay, who has 9 kids, if the hot chick is still hot.

Depends on how loosely you have the term ‘friend’ mean on facebook. Most people just friend everyone they know.—And some people, anyone their friends know, as well.
Personally, while I don’t have a lot of friends by fb standards, I really wish I would get the nerve to delete some of them, because I just don’t care where they’re going to get lunch every day.

Most likely, these people asking you to be ‘friends’ are not putting to much weight in their requests—I’d ignore them, decline them. They won’t get alerted at you denial, they just won’t be a ‘friend’.

It sucks, the artificial side to the site.

Your call, but, people DO change. A lot of the school bullshit was about the pack mentality, everyone trying to fit in, even if fitting in meant being an asshole.

I’d say that IF you were courageous enough to speak up to these people on an individual basis and say that you didn’t appreciate them treating you poorly, well…you might be surprised at some who would ‘own it’, apologize and maybe, you could initiate a friendship NOW, the the present moment.

I never even THINK of high school, or anything from my past. It’s over, you live, you learn, you move forward.

Up to you, but, you can’t judge the people for who they are NOW, without giving them a fair shake based on present moment reality.

Lots of people try to “collect” a huge number of “friends” on Facebook, even if they are people that they don’t know, or don’t like, or barely remember. Apparently having a huge number of friends on your FB, makes you appear to be more popular than you really are. I think it is a very stupid practice and sets you up for all kinds of problems (mostly privacy issues).

Only allow people to be friends with you on Facebook, if you actually know them (fairly well) and like them. I would not even consider friending anyone who I don’t actually know in person. Don’t feel bad about declining those kinds of requests.

You don’t have to. It’s not because you knew these people that you automatically have to add them. FB reminds me of how people on MySpace were obsessed about having 574839753482 friends. Like @Kardamom says, a lot of people aren’t, or don’t want to be, friends. They just want to have big ass lists.

Three Reasons to Consider Accepting a FB Friend Request from a Former Classmate:

1.) Most people grow out of their bullying ways. It might be helpful for you to see that this former classmate has grown up to become a caring, responsible person.

2.) It might be their tacit way of apologizing for their past actions, should they still recall them. Accepting it may not matter to you, but it might to them.

3.) You can always ‘hide’ their posts.

I get added and add people who were dicks to me in school all the time. I consider it an excellent trolling opportunity —a great way to subtly seek vengeance upon those who have slighted you in the past, if you will. You can flaunt your successes while wallowing in the lamentations of your former bullies, assuming, of course, that they are worse off than you.

For instance, I am friends with three people on facebook who I can think of off the top of my head who bullied me mercilessly in middle school and early high school. To the point of telling me I should do the world a favor and kill myself. One of them even threatened to kill me himself. One of them has three screaming kids, weighs in at an estimated 300 lbs, and lives in a Dorito-stained Hooverville Shantytown. Another is married to a bloated cop who is twice her age. Rumor has it, he abuses her, but such is the nature of rumors. The third the one who threatened to kill me broke his face in a karate accident.

Karma is a cruel mistress at times.

Oh, and there’s always the positive side, as others have mentioned. I’m drinking buddies with my worst enemy from elementary school, thanks to facebook.

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard Haha, vengeance, karma and beer. I like it. FaceBook might be cooler than I thought, perhaps I should accept more people.

This annoys the bejeezus out of me. Don’t accept. We weren’t friends then, why be friends with me now?

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard do you friend request the people you bullied?

@FutureMemory I didn’t bully anyone. Ever. I was an awkward, lonely kid for most of school. I was also very bright, and my teachers loved me, which is what earned me the ire of most of my bullies.

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard

I second your sentiments. One must experience the bullying side of the fence to develop compassion. Bullies rarely do. ;-)

I just ended up deleting a bunch of former classmates. It was actually nothing personal – it’s just weird to suddenly be friends again with people when you only knew them on a kid/teen level before. It was cool at first to find out what they were up to, but I quickly realized I have nothing in common with these people anymore. Plus a few of these people were the type that would add you as a friend and then never even talk to you. What’s the point other than to spy into your life?

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard I think your term Dorito-stained Hooverville Shantytown is the funniest thing I’ve heard all week, mind if I borrow that to use in a conversation sometime down the line? I think my friends would get a kick out of that, if I was able to somehow work that into a conversation. LOL.

@Kardamom do it!

@Kardamom

But wait! Here’s another ‘fiddle-ism’...‘Tardfuckery’..that’s the one I’m using this week, I’ll work it in somewhere, somehow. lol

@Coloma sadly, I can’t take credit for that one, even if my postings are the top two google results :-p

I don’t accept connections with anyone I don’t actually want to hear from. I ignore a lot of requests. Let them press charges.

Start a group page for the scout troop and for your high school graduating class. Rather than friend them, join a group with them.

You can always explain away the decline, as “I can’t keep up with the contacts I have now.”

There are a few friend requests I have ignored, like an old boss that was an asshole to everyone, and took credit for everyone’‘s work, and a couple of people who were jerks in high school. And there.were others I accepted, but I considered them on probation. Some are still on my friend list; they seem to have grown into nice people. Others I defriended when I realized they were just as obnoxious now as they were long ago.

I don’t accept anybody who was mean or bullied me. I also don’t accept requests from people that I barely knew, I mean what’s the point? They didn’t want to know me then why do they want to know me now?
But personally, it’s up to you. Do you want to give them a chance? Do you want to be “friends” with them?

I turn down those requests all the time. Well, not so much anymore. Word must have spread that I’m not one for aiding and abetting friend-whores (i.e., people who want the lots and lots of Facebook friends just for the sake of having them). I friend people who I’d like to keep in touch with—that’s all. High school person who I never liked? Declined. High school friend who stopped talking to me for eight years after I disagreed with her on something trivial? Declined. No time for that.

Full disclosure: I only have 87 Facebook friends. Everyone I know has more than me.

If they’re requesting you, I would be mature and just accept it. I’m sure you are a great man and past all these school drama… I would accept, see what they’re gonna say.. Or even talk… I was bullied too, at least that’s what I call it, and I would talk to the people who did so now. It is always good to be nice to anyone who least expects it.. makes you more human than they were :)

@QueenOfNowhere It’s just Facebook. Being past the drama doesn’t have to mean being their friend. It’s not like I’d leave them hanging off the edge of a cliff.

@SavoirFaire lol… Im saying what I would do as a 20 year old. I can’t say I’m “friends” in real life with every single person on my facebook.

@QueenOfNowhere Oh, I’m not friends with them all either. But they are all people I’d like to keep up with for one reason or another. People from high school—especially those whose profile picture reveals they haven’t changed at all—just aren’t worth it to me. To each their own, however. Like I said, it’s just Facebook.

I’m not. That’s why I said “to each their own.”

@SavoirFaire Yeah? Well in that case, I just asked a question. I didn’t state you were arguing.

Fair enough.

No one said you should. Tell them they were assholes to you and you can’t abide their hypocrisy.

Ignore them.

I felt the same way…....but people do change. It wouldn’t be right to hold it over their heads forever.

People have different reasons for wanting to reconnect. It usually doesn’t take very long to figure out what their reasons are. You can allow the friend request, seem to be the bigger person, check them out, and then unfriend them if they are still the asshat they were in high school. Then again, they may have become the CEO of a company that is hiring and your brother-in-law needs a job, so don’t be too quick to dismiss a potential opportunity.