How do you cope with loss and tragedy?

A good cry and a few beers.

Sometimes keeping myself so busy that I don’t have the time to think about them, others… well lets just say some of my near death experiences were self induced. ;P

My mother was 93 years old, when she passed in March of this year. I had waited on her for the last 5 to 6 years. I bought her food, took her to her doctor, bought her medicene and paid her bills. These last years really took a toll on me physically and mentally.

One day, as I was sitting in my car in her driveway, I told myself that she was not much longer to live on this earth. I could see her fading away more and more each day. I told myself that I did all I could do for her.

When she passed, I felt my best friend had just given up on me and departed for heaven. I had a terrible loss feeling, but it could have been a lot worse, had I not mentally prepared myself for her death.

We all deal with death in different ways and being prepared and knowing I did all I could for her, helped me tremendously.

Cry my eyes out.

Warmth (warm sun, hot bath, sleeping by a fireplace. I went through a shitty break-up a few years ago (it brought me to Fluther) and to comfort myself, I slept beside my gas fireplace).

Have someone hold me.

Hobbies, to whatever degree you can work up the enthusiasm—when you’re really hurting, it’s hard to be creative or enjoy what you normally do. But you chose your hobbies for a reason; try to remember those parts that brought you joy, even though you might not currently be able to absorb the usual full measure of it.

Staying busy dealing with whatever aftermath the loss/ tragedy brings. That combats feelings of helplessness, and being physical helps a lot.

And (this is important) giving yourself permission, when you need to, to just stay the fuck in bed and curl up like a little croissant of suffering. Be with that shit. Completely ignoring/ denying it WILL hurt you far worse in the long run.

Right at @peridot

I just let the feelings happen, they pass pretty quickly, it is the NOT feeling that keeps coming back to haunt you.

I lost my darling 15 month old kitty 2 weeks ago, to a short, terminal illness. I rallied ‘round him in his final days, we were very bonded, and I wept on him, cried on and off for 3 days, then, the night the vet came to put him to sleep, I was okay. I had released my pain, and while I miss him, I am not repressing any emotion.

It really is true, you can’t heal what you won’t feel! ;-)

Cry it out like a man, try to accept that it happened, tell myself to learn from what happened/look at it from a new perspective.

Perhaps Neil Patrick Harris said it best, “When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead.”

Allowing myself to cry and keeping busy help. Other than that, just time.

Not very well.

Angsty poetry and Jim Beam.

Whatever I need at the moment. It’s rough. A good cry, a walk, talking to a friend, some kind of distraction, a little wallowing and feeling sorry for myself (but only in very small doses, that’s an indulgence, not a coping mechanism), good memories, time, toughing it out (also in small doses because I’m not really very good at toughing it out), listening to music. I listened to the same Bruce Hornsby album, Radio Hits for almost an entire year after my dad died. That was kind of nuts but it was the only thing that made it a little better without making it worse, the only peg that fit in the hole. Valium can help. I needed it after my mom died because it was such a shock, because her illness really came out of nowhere and two weeks later she was dead and it was the first time I had lost someone really important to me. I was a mess and in addition to the grief and shock I was having panic attacks, I think from reality slapping me in the face so very hard.

When my daughter died I went to therapy. Since it was considered a traumatic loss I found a psychologist who specialized in EMDR to help prevent PTSD. I found this to be very helpful. It’s kinda like ‘defragging’ your brain to rid it of any ‘stuck’ images, or thoughts that may be unhealthy. I have also found the gym to be very helpful as well as the company of good people. Also, a healthy diet can make a huge difference with mood and overall feeling. As much as I wanted to drink my life away or eat crap I realized in the long run it would just be more depressing. Please try to keep in mind everyone grieves differently and you have to figure out what’s best for you. Just try to make healthy decisions and time will help. (even though that isn’t always what you want to hear)

My dad died two years ago and I am still not “over it”.Things like that take time.
It helps to have the right person to talk to.

The death of my father stunned me. He was ill but it was still a great shock when it happened. Nothing worked, but I was told the feelings would fade with time and they did.